My step father came through last night.
I’ve been afraid of alligators for years never realized why until this morning. When I was four years old my mother and stepfather took me to camp near a river. At one of the neighboring camps there was an alligator that someone had caught and they were in the process of cutting it up to later eat I’m guessing. The only thing that really matters this to the story is that they told me that they caught the alligator in the river. The same river my stepfather and mother took me for a boat ride on to sandbar the next day. My step father decided to teach me how to float on my back with a life preserver that day which didn’t go over well at all with me. I still had that alligator in my head and it’s sharp teeth and I didn’t like the idea that when he let me go the current might take me to meet another alligator that might want to eat me. But because I was four all I really did was kick and scream and cry I knew I was scared but my step father did not I hated him for a long time because of that. It was a very Trumatic experience for me but through my dream last night and in the Car ride today my stepfather showed me what that experience was like for him. In my dream last night it was an alligator and when I woke up this morning I asked myself why did it have to be an alligator. And then he told me "because that’s how you remember me. ” I thought back to the dream and in the dream the alligator bit me but then he let go and just stared at me and when I looked in his eyes he looked sorry. My stepfather then told me He was only trying to bring me closer he never meant to hurt me. he didn’t know how Trumatic It had been for me but it was a bonding experience for him. And that later on when he would crawl on the floor pretending to be an alligator pretending to want to bite me he thought I was reliving the same memory and having fun I laughed because I was reliving the memory when he did that just not the same one he had. At first this made me feel guilty but just now he told me it’s not why he came. We love each other it’s all love even the pain. I’m grateful that he agreed to come into my life and teach me this. I don’t think I’ll ever look at another alligator the same way again.
