Peter Solarz
Xuebing Du
tumblr dot com
Misplaced Lens Cap
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
wallacepolsom
Discoholic 🪩
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Janaina Medeiros
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
hello vonnie
Not today Justin
Today's Document
YOU ARE THE REASON
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Stranger Things
PR's Tumblrdome
cherry valley forever
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we're not kids anymore.
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@literallyganymede
I just realised how manipulative one of my friends is and how I'm actually kind of terrified of upsetting her. I'm really sad about this because we used to be really close and we're still pretty friendly but she is way better socially than me and it unnerves me having to be around people for too long and stuff and god god god she dismisses me and my feelings and it stresses me out I wish she understood me.
It does genuinely still fuck me up a bit, everything that happened. It makes me nervous at the thought of having sex. I don't want to do it at all ever but also I really need to get laid. I think it's the fact that I'm not really sure what happened that really screws with me. I literally have no idea if I'm a virgin or not and I h a t e that. I have an exam tomorrow and I can't sleep ugh
Me, waking up still drunk after drinking alone last night: what drinking problem?
I went to the cinema this evening and it was really nice but also I'm having to slowly come to terms with how utterly fucked I am for uni and it's stressful
We signed today on a new flat and I'm SO glad holy shit. I kind of feel like a weight has been lifted. But also I am so crushed and disillusioned with my degree that I am having trouble find the motivation to do anything. I'm struggling a lot with computing which is sad because I like coding, but I think I prefer like website and LaTeX coding which is less exploratory I guess? Idk I'm just really jealous of people who have time to do things. I start therapy on Monday which I'm excited and nervous about. I really want to get to the route of things.
One of my best friends is visiting rn and it's so nice seeing him again but I really should be doing work and I'm so incredibly stressed about all the work I should be doing instead of this. We played d&d last night and it was really fun but I think next time I would rather be a player again because I don't have time to plan a whole Thing.
I've got the CBA done and the matlab handed in, and we had a test today. I honestly just wish they gave us some time off. My friend isn't coming up this weekend but tbh I feel like I'm too stressed anyway so I don't mind too much.
Yesterday was a surprisingly nice day but I spent a LOT of money which Im not happy about. And im really stressed about that test and have nothing in for breakfast which is 👎👎
I went out with a meal for my flat mates and it was really nice, I love them all a lot. I ate a lot though, which I feel bad about.
I've drank 3 times this week which is definitely too much but I didn't overdo it any of those times and I had a pretty good night last night which is good! I really enjoyed doing my makeup, I wish I could do it more often.
I feel good rn but that might just be the alcohol lol Also I love Charlotte she's a good egg
So yesterday we kept Charlotte up and I know she was annoyed but it seems that we've been let off the hook which I'm really relieved about. I've finished 3 of my assignments! Just complex analysis and careers to go, and then I can make a start on matlab properly. I really hope the mental wellbeing people email me with a time soon, I'm staring to get impatient.
So I’ve basically had a three day weekend, and I haven’t done as much as I’m supposed to. I will try to finish my cover letter tomorrow, but it’ll be tricky. I might have a look at MATLAB too but idk. All I know is that I’m going to start getting some proper work done. 
I went to a creative writing workshop today, which was pretty handy, and I’m starting to get back into creative writing again which is great! I was thinking of posting it all to a blog maybe. 
I keep thinking myself into a tizz, which I’m going to have to sort out. I guess it’ll be good to talk to somebody about it on Monday. I’m just worried I’m not ill enough so they won’t do anything about it.
Yesterday I had my first German language seminar, and I enjoyed it but getting misgendered was so horrible. But the guy in Starbucks gave me the code for the men's bathroom so. I got a fair amount of work done and managed to finish my first draft of my CV which is good - I want to get it finished in the next couple of days.
Today hasn't been great. I'm really stressed about the housing situation to be honest, it's not looking great for me. I'm everybody's second choice. I had a dream where I just screamed and let everything out and I just want to do it in real life because fuck me I'm so pent up. My mum said that she's scared of my dad and I'm so confused that I hardly know what to do. I don't want my parents to break up but I want them to be happy. I know they both have a lot of mental health issues but it's not fair. They're adults, they're meant to look after me. One thing I'm grateful for is that I've finished the first section of my career portfolio. I can't wait to get out of uni tbh.
I'm so grateful to have Sonia, I feel like she the only thing keeping me grounded half the time. Only she could reduce me to tears and then have me chatting again cheerfully in like half an hour. So I emailed the mental health services at my uni to see if I could get an appointment because I have finally accepted that I need it. I know, it took me long enough. I don't know how that's going to go tbh but we'll see. I did some good work on my careers portfolio today but I'm going to go to the library tomorrow and properly have a go at it.
The last few days have been weird. My paranoia is pretty bad which is probably why I've been feeling lonely. ATM I have pretty bad relationship permanence and unless somebody is right there with me, I feel like they have me or are indifferent towards me. I don't like that. I've decided if I drink, I have to wait a week before I can do it again, as I'm trying to get on top of it. I drank last night, so 6 days to go haha. Uni hasn't been great but it's been okay. Hopefully I'll get back into it when I have some proper work to do. I've decided I want to apply for the civil service and be a government statistician. I think it would work well for me, but we'll see.