Today my mother visited for lunch and while eating she brought up that she had a dream about me. Now this is nothing new. My mother dreams at least once a week that I have died in a car crash, been attacked by snakes, or tripped and fell into a giant pit. None of which have I even come close to, but that’s just who she is. I of course sign and ask what happened in the dream, avoiding eye contact to make my not so subtle eye roll less obvious. Then I heard something that affirmed who I am in a way that I’ve never experienced.
“I dreamt you came over and I met your partner. And she was so sweet and smart. And you were both so happy and I was thrilled you had found someone that made you smile so much and who lived up to your challenge and challenged you back. You were both just so happy and I realized that was what I want for you. To find someone who makes you happy. Man or woman. I want my dream for you to come true.”
And then I started cramming French fries down my throat to not cry.
Don’t get me wrong, my mother has, after an hour of wandering off in the mall to process my coming out, been supportive of me. A month after coming out to her she was already trying to introduce me to a girl she met at an inflatable run.
“She was sporty and sweet. I think she just got out of a relationship with another girl, but I think you’d get along well.”
And she kept up the occasional male suggestion as well incase she managed to find someone who met my very specific type in men.
“He works construction. Very strong. Good job and good values. I think you’d find him attractive. Wink.”
Yes, she says wink when she winks. I love her.
But my bisexuality has always been more background noise. Something she brought up maybe once a year when she would ask why she kept hearing about “that Keri girl,” in my friend group.
“You mean the extremely straight woman married to my D&D buddy and their kid. Nope. Nothing going on there, Mom.”
But this was like the end all be all, no holds barred, subconscious confession of my mother that she is happy with whomever I choose to be with because all she really wants is for me to be happy and she trusts me to be able to find someone on my own and in my own time that will.
As I got out of the car when she dropped me off at work, shoving a bag of muffins into my hands as a “love gift,” she asked if I was okay. I’m normally a quiet person, but I guess something extra in my silence gave it away. I set down the bag and hugged her with the stupid seatbelt stretched to its limit and digging into me.
“I’m okay, mom. Thanks for coming up to see me for lunch. I love you and thank you for being so great.”
She hugged me back in the easy and affectionate way she always has, a slight chuckle in her words.
“I love you too, hun. Don’t work too hard and don’t eat all of those muffins today. I’ll see you soon and talk to you later.”
I ate all the muffins before I got home. This was a wonderful day.
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