i feel deeply deeply sad this evening. have had no motivation to do anything except think about stuff. even had to write a 3000 word journal entry to force myself to cry because for some reason i just couldn’t even though i’m really sad? i feel so confused about the future.
haven’t hugged my boyfriend in almost a year. haven’t seen him since we sat 2m apart for a couple of hours in a freezing garden in december. i thought this was all ok because i knew we’d be together again this summer. i was so proud of us for getting through it and was amazed by how fast the months were flying by! i’ve been having such a good year and knowing i would get to move back in with him was so exciting. but now i have no idea when or if he’ll be coming home. i am so confused and sad. but also desperately trying not to guilt/manipulate him into coming home. he has to make his own decisions and i respect that. but :(
almost 5 wonderful years together and i truly have no idea what’s going to happen. how can we be on opposite sides of the continent indefinitely. i crave intimacy with him so badly or to just talk to him face to face but i have no idea when i’ll see him again :(
