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Back to the Drawing Board

Recently, I’ve been reminded (in the office and in the Feast) of the importance of planning my life, setting goals, fulfilling dreams. And it seems to be the perfect time. In a month or so, I’m turning 30. Omg. 30.

I need to make a new Personal Scorecard for work as I now have a new role. I have to set aside time for that and take it seriously.

I’ve also decided to make my own dream board and dream book while I’m at it.

They always say that there’s no need to be afraid to write what you actually want. When you write it, it becomes real. And when it becomes real, you do everything to make it come true.

Goodluck, self. Let’s do this!

I don’t think I ever said this before.. but sometimes things do fall into place. I’m finally getting my MBA in 3 weeks, I’ll move to a new role in 4 weeks and my new relationship is going strong. I haven’t been this happy in a long time. Thank you, Lord! Onward, forward!

#WhenItRainsItPours #BeBrave #CountYourBlessings #Sorsogon

“Dark clouds become heaven’s flowers when kissed by light.“ ― Rabindranath Tagore

Our journey has been surprisingly amazing and you have been simply wonderful. Thank you.

#Boracay

Dear self, choose wisely.

Maybe you were right. Maybe we did need closure. It's really too early tell but as of now, I don't regret it. I needed to see that you've changed and you needed to see that I was broken too. We've both changed and we're both ok now. There's no need to keep on bringing back the past and there's certainly no future for us. But it does feel nice to talk and cry about it for the first and the last time. Thank you. I'm sorry. I forgive you. I forgive myself. This chapter is finally closed.

I did it, I did it! Another one off my bucket list. I now have a furry friend!

Meet Mari. We were introduced to each other because my friend got fed up seeing me scare myself silly. He made it his own personal goal to make me get rid of my fear (somehow). We started with his dog. She’s big and tall and heavy and she looks like a wolf. HALP!!

The first time I met her, I had tears in my eyes and I was shaking like a leaf. My heart was pounding like crazy. She was sniffing me, licking me. She tried putting her head inside my dress. She scratched me and tried to tackle me a number of times. And she was so noisy, so loud! It’s like she’s trying to talk. She was overwhelming and I found myself rooted to the spot. Then Mari stood up and met my eyes. She didn’t look that scary. It seems she just wanted to play. Roughly. Aww, she likes me? (is there a blushing emoji?)

My friend asked me how the experience was and I couldn’t talk. I was red-faced, breathing heavily and was very very teary-eyed (ok, I cry-laughed like a crazy person) Then he said.. “but did you die??” I didn’t! I didn’t!! I didn’t die! It actually felt kinda nice that Mari was so eager to play with me. Me!

Every time I visited, I was being trained to do more - pet her, play with her, make her calm down, get her to rest beside me. I felt on top of the world when I am able to do new things!

There was one day that I was feeling particularly frustrated and sad. Mari wasn’t too wild that day. She went to me almost quietly and laid her head on my lap. I felt warm all over. She understands me? She felt I was sad? Aww, my heart! Now I think I kinda understand why people love them so much. I was missing out!

Maybe eventually I’ll get my own dog. When I’m responsible enough. But that’s another item on my bucket list. In the meantime, I have a lot of training to do with Mari. ❤️

It was a quiet day. And I realized I love the quiet days better.

It was one of those days when we could go off radar for a couple of hours and everything would be just fine when we get back.

No stress, no noise, no drama - just you and me taking our own sweet time in our own little world. Thank you for making sure we still have days like this. 🍻

I remember feeling tired. Tired and defeated, I had nothing left to give. I was lost, confused and helpless but somehow I didn't want to give up. I decided I want to go somewhere where I can simply listen. I know my friends were getting tired of me. I was also getting tired of myself. I remember being tired of my own voice, tired of my excuses, tired of my own promises. I've been trying so hard and I don't seem to be getting anywhere. I found myself attending The Feast. It was something I've always wanted to attend but have always been so busy. Now that school's over, I have all the time in the world and the timing was perfect. We were starting a new series: The Hurt Series, so perfect for the love month (the ouch-iest most drama-filled month of all). There were 3 parts: 1) History - knowing what hurts us 2) Surgery - opening ourselves up to get rid of what's hurting us and 3) Recovery - stitching ourselves up and finally healing. We can't simply skip to healing but I told myself that was the goal. I wanted to be ok - honestly and wholeleartedly ok. I remember they asked all the new attendees to stand up. Then they clapped for us and prayed for us. I thought it would be awkward but everyone was so encouraging and so eager to pray for strangers. I felt hope. Maybe the world is not such a bad place, I just have to choose the people I surround myself with. I mean, it's so refreshing to see people who were generous of their smiles and hugs and prayers. I'm happy this has turned into a weekly routine for me. I am now able to sing some worship songs, comfortable enough to close my eyes in prayer and lift my hands up in worship. I am now humble enough to ask for forgiveness and brave enough to pray for my dreams. I may not know exactly what I want and exactly what I have to do, but whereever I am now, I am at peace. And I am striving to be happy. It's a constant struggle but I'm not in a hurry, it's fine. I feel stronger yet more dependent on God, wiser but more aware that I know nothing. I have a long long way to go but I'm enjoying the journey. Thank you, God, for allowing me to find you. Thank you, self, for giving us a chance.

Another one off my bucket list! Was finally able to try rowing at Manila Bay.. at 5 in the morning. Then we went to work and finalized payroll, phew! So proud of myself 😊 This is the only workout that you won't hear me complain about ANYTHING, specifically because I don't want even a single drop of Manila Bay water in my mouth 🤣 I'll be back for sure! Thank you for the very warm welcome, AmPhi! 🚣🏽‍♀️🚣🏽‍♀️🚣🏽‍♀️🚣🏽‍♀️🚣🏽‍♀️

#gif

When you've had too much but there's so much more to say.. I'm drunk, I missed you. 😜

Haw, haw de carabao

How exactly do we measure the years? How do you know it’s been a good life?

Do we list our achievements? The number of companies we worked in? The number of promotions? The degrees we finished? The amount of money we’ve made?

Is it by the number of cities and countries we’ve been in? Is it by the many times we pursued our interests?

Is it by the number of heartaches? Is it by the number of tears we’ve shed? The number of partners? The number of times we played with fire and got hurt? The number of times we got drunk and tried to forget? The disappointments and frustrations? The number of times we had to pick ourselves up to start again?

Do we count the number strangers turned friends/family? Or friends/family turned strangers? Do we count those we’ve lost? Or is it easier to count those who chose to stay? Do we consider the relationships we tried to mend? The relationships we fought for?

Or do we count the happy days? The days we allowed ourselves to be silly and playful? The days we felt special and loved? The times we've been surprised, overwhelmed? The moments that made our heart beat furiously - out of excitement and fear of the unknown?

I don’t claim to be an expert on anything but all I’m sure of is this.. It’s different for everyone. And we can’t grade someone else’s life for them. What I consider my greatest success, others can consider as my gravest failure. We can’t belittle the experiences of others just because we think we’ve been there or we’ve been through worse or we simply know better. We can’t compare because our experiences are never similar. We have conquered different battles, we have different scars, we have different fears, we treasure different things. We have different stories, there are different characters, we’re going different directions, living different lives. But wouldn’t it be nice if we can still try to listen despite all these differences? Or even be kind enough to give a pat on the back and congratulate each other for having made it this far? ———————————————— “Those who judge will never understand. Those who understand will never judge.” - Wilson Kanadi

goodreadss

“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.”

Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept (via goodreadss)

Mangyari Lamang (ni Rico Abelardo)

Mangyari lamang ay tumayo ang mga nagmahal nang makita ng lahat ang mukha ng pag- ibig. Ipamalas ang tamis ng malalim na pagkakaunawaan sa mga malabo ang paningin. Mangyari lamang ay tumayo rin ang mga nagmahal at nasawi nang makita ng lahat ang mga sugat ng isang bayani. Ipadama ang pait ng kabiguan habang ipinagbubunyi ang walang katulad na kagitingan ng isang nagtaya. Mangyari lamang ay tumayo ang mga nangangambang magmahal nang makita ng lahat ang kilos ng isang bata. Ipamalas ang katapatan ng damdamin na pilit ikinukubli ng pusong lumaki sa mga engkanto at diwata. Mangyari lamang ay tumayo ang mga nagmahal, minahal at iniwan ngunit handa pa ring magmahal nang makita ng lahat ang yaman ng karanasan. Ipamalas ang katotohanang nasaksihan nang maging makahulugan ang mga paghagulgol sa dilim. At sa mga nananatiling nakaupo mangyari lamang ay dahan-dahang tumalilis papalabas sa nakangangang pinto. Umuwi na kayo at sumbatan ang mga magulang na nagpalaki ng isang halimaw! At sa lahat ng naiwang nakatayo mangyari lamang ay hagkan ang isa’t isa at yakapin ang mga sugatan. Mabuhay tayong lahat na nagsisikap na makabalik sa ating pinagmulan! Manatiling masaya at higit sa lahat magpatuloy sa pagmamahal.

#valentines #puso #pagmamahal

coral

Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.

Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love (via feellng)

First trip of 2017, wuhoo! It was a long drive and we were so pumped up to surf. When we got there, the waves were on apocalypse mode that even the pro surfers didn’t dare get in the water. Then there was crappy signal and internet so phones were almost useless. I actually kind of liked it. Stories, laughter, music, food and drinks were overflowing. We stayed outside til we were numb from the cold then went to bed early, praying for friendlier waves. So much for getting a tan!

I was on weather patrol from 5AM. I had too much sleep already and went out for some alone time. It was beautiful. It was just me, the wind and the waves, then a bit later, the sun decided to join us. Finally! The waves were challenging but it felt great to be surfing again. Even falling off the board and tumbling under the waves was fun. My lungs were on fire, my eyes were stinging, and I was so so cold. I loved it! It was my first time back in Baler after I tore my ACL from surfing 2 years ago. I’m clumsier and heavier now but still with the same amount of stubbornness, maybe even more.

We didn’t want to end the trip yet so we went further away from Manila. We spent time taking in the beautiful scenery, snapping pictures and buying whatever food we see on the road. We headed back after having lunch by the white beach, which I didn’t even knew existed in Aurora.

We got back extra tired and extra sleepy but extra happy. Who cares if we had to be at work in a few hours (well actually, that part sucked big time). The trip taught me that you'll never go wrong giving just a bit more. 👌🏽

#baler #aurora #surf #adventure

bandadgethedamage

If this isn’t beauty, idk what is

2016, What A Year

I must have felt all emotions possible (which may or may not be due to the pills I finally succumbed to). I’m just thankful that there has been a lot of highs to combat the lows.

A few highlights: - Finally finishing my MBA degree 🎓 - A new baby in the family (and a very happy and protective kuya) 👶🏽👦🏽 - 4 countries and a few roadtrips ✈️🚙 - Birthday celebrations, reunions and babies (legit tita)👸🏽 - A closer family (to those we have lost this year, we miss you) 🙏🏽 - Renewed love for swimming and started boxing 🏃🏽‍♀️ - My friends still haven’t left me even after all the craziness 😭

2017, I’m excited for what you have in store for me. Bring it on!

#2016 #highlights #thankful

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