been thinking... never a good sign...
this is a long, long post about heavy things no one ever wants to read... so warning about that...
so i feel like this kind of thought is sorta discourage in the community but idk it’s important to me...
so i see a therapist, whom i haven’t told about my recurring interest in ab/dl, tho that is in consideration.
the thing is, we’ve been talking about the possibility I have Dependent Personality Disorder, which, hmm would explain a lot of things for me...
I can only speak for myself, but I definitely think that my longing for the nurturing aspects of ab/dl are a symptom of this DPD. And the thing is... I kinda want to get better, I want to overcome this thing that’s really been making life difficult for me to live.
but that raises the question: am I only into this because I’m fucked up? Will this attraction only exist as long as I have unresolved issues?
In general, I want to say no. I definitely don’t believe that ab/dl is always an expression of some sort of order. People are into what they’re into for whatever reason they like as long as it’s fulfilling for them and isn’t hurting anyone who hasn’t consented.
But in my specific case, I have to wonder if indulging in littlespace is damaging my ability to recover from a very real issue that isn’t just a lifestyle choice. I have 0 interest in being little 24/7, so it is extremely important to me that I am a capable at my adult life.
Terrified as I am at the thought of telling my therapist about all this, I think it’s an important consideration for me to take while healing. The fact of the matter is, I might need to avoid littlespace entirely until I’ve recovered. I don’t know if I will still be into regressing or padding when all is said and done. If it’s still appealing to me later on, then great! I know it’s not an underlying issue, maybe that’s the point I’ll be able to wear guilt-free! I don’t know!
To be clear, I’m not questioning whether it’s okay to be an ab/dl or not. I definitely think it is okay. Peeps I’ve met in this community have generally been some of the nicest people I’ve ever talked to. I don’t judge kinky people for anything consensual, even vanilla people are all weirdos in their own way when you get down to it. I don’t care whether I’m into diapers or not (lets be honest, I am, I wouldn’t still be thinking and dreaming about wearing them if I wasn’t), I just want to know that, for me in particular, my involvement in it isn’t harming my ability to function in everyday life.
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