06-29
I wish I had more answers than questions now Lord. I don't know why You made me this way. I don't know if I will ever be better than I am now. I don't know where I am going or what You have planned for me. I don't even really know why I went through what I did in the past.
I don't know if I am being truly honest with myself or with others. I don't even know if I need to. Every day I just guess at what my life is meant to be unsure if I am living what You planned, I planned, or what others planned for me.
I just graduated college and should remember to be grateful for that answered prayer. My life can go so many directions, and right now I don't know which way it will go. Fair enough - realistically my career is fairly low on my totem pole of life incongruencies as this seems fairly natural for the place of life I am in. My relationships with God and others should make much more sense to care about.
Here I am again writing on this decades old tumblr blog wrestling with the same question of what the purpose of my life is. Intellectually I know the "correct" answer as a lifelong Christian: "glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever". My heart is much more confused. That answer to life's question "feels" insufficient some days, and the only possible correct answer on other days.
I may be lost to myself, but I am never lost to You. If I was fearfully and wonderfully made then I never have to fear that I am drifting about devoid of value or purpose. I am filled to the brim with both. Lord I pray for peace even without the understanding.











