Living On Maybes

Not poetry, not prose, but something of the sort.

[livingonmaybes]

She apologized for everything she did that night. And then, I realized, that included me.

-l.o.m.

[livingonmaybes]

I am hungry. There is a beast within me and I do not know what it wants. I feed it the souls of those who have the misfortune of loving me, yet nothing can satisfy it. I have destroyed wonderful men in an effort to feed this insatiable monster, but nothing is working. It's growl bubbles beneath my skin and the sharp pang of hunger digs deeper and deeper every day. Please. Please help me.

-l.o.m.

[livingonmaybes]

Frostbite lingers on my skin from my first love. His touch sent shivers down my spine as the fire in his eyes contrasted the biting cold of his skin. Captivated, I let him use the friction of our bodies to melt the ice in his heart, but soon the earth beneath us was scorched and there was no longer oxygen in my lungs. A once inferno quieted between us as the word goodbye buzzed in the air, unsaid. For now.

-l.o.m.// do not expect to be forgiven for what you did

[livingonmaybes]

My eyes are glued to you as the strobe lights highlight your inability to sing and I’m falling falling falling

- l.o.m. // my homecoming was your eyes on mine

[livingonmaybes]

Our love was the soft green of possibilities and new leaves, each day built on a sturdy base of maybes. Your hand in mine was nauseatingly perfect and you had infiltrated my dreams. Although it was fall when we fell together, you made the air taste of spring. - l.o.m. // past lovers as colors part 2

[livingonmaybes]

"Do you believe in soulmates?" He whispers- breathes, really. I chew on my lip, contemplating how much I want to reveal. "Yes and no. I believe that we have many soulmates, each for a different part of our lives. We have a soulmate for music, for books, for jokes. We have a soulmate for simple things, complicated things, everything. No one person is our other half because I am not incomplete. But there are people out there who are meant to bring out the best of us. They make us laugh the loudest, try the hardest, think the deepest. I don't believe in one soulmate, but so many that there is a village of people with a love for you that is pure and never ending." - l.o.m.

[livingonmaybes]

Muddy Monday turns to twister Tuesday turns to crying over ashes turns to champagne laughter. Sand between toes turns to leaves turns to snow turns to rot. You turn to love turn to ache turn to yesterday. But I, I am everlasting and the only thing that turns is me away from you and toward rebirth.

- l.o.m. // the world stops for no one

[livingonmaybes]

Despite her better judgement, she loved him.

- l.o.m. // maybe that was her downfall

[livingonmaybes]

Oh, how I ache for you in the simplest of ways

- l.o.m.

[livingonmaybes]

Softly, she fell.

- l.o.m. // asleep or in love, that was uncertain

[livingonmaybes]

Maybe we will fall in love and stay that way until the cruel reality of mortality takes us from each other's arms. Maybe we will date for a week and end up cutting things off because it was just too awkward. Maybe we will be madly in love until I cross the stage at graduation, the other side holding possibilities and adventures that don't include you. Maybe, years later, we will run into each other at a coffee shop thousands of miles from a place we used to call home. Maybe I get hit by a car next week when I'm distracted by finding the perfect song for my run. And maybe, none of these possibilities will happen. But I like to think that you came in my life to change me- I like to think that there is some profound reason behind the deep, animalistic ache of longing I feel whenever you cross my mind. Nothing is guaranteed in this world, but I would like to think that maybe, just maybe, in the end it can be you and me. - l.o.m. // living on maybes

[livingonmaybes]

Teach me how to love you softly, I beg of you. When I fall for someone I throw my entire being into loving them black and blue. I am a tornado, barely restrained by this suit of skin and bones. Please, show me how to calm the storm and become a spring morning. You deserve to be loved with kindness, with butterfly kisses and love poems. I may not know how to write poems that will make your heart sing, but I would love to learn. Teach me, please, what makes you tick. Teach me how to have sweaty palms on the first date, to give you longing glances hidden beneath lowered lashes. Give me strawberry chapstick kisses that make my world spin out of control. Please. Please.

[livingonmaybes]

I want to pluck sunshine from the air and cup it in my palms, slurping down the sweet nectar. I want it to fill my stomach with a warm glow that will shine through my skin. I've been numb and cold for so long, I need something to remind me why I should keep living. - l.o.m.

[livingonmaybes]

I’ve been with boys who could not handle how my heart overflowed with a love that wasn’t for them. I would call my friends beautiful, I would hug them and love them and support them with everything in me- and the boys were uncomfortable with it. They told me it was weird, it made them jealous. They couldn’t handle the idea that I loved these girls so deeply and wholly, while I did not love them. But the thing is, the girls who I support were there for me when the boy before them broke my heart, and will be with me when the next one leaves. They will be with me ten years from now when I’ve fallen in and out of love too many times to count. And the girls I love? They struggle to love themselves. They do not always see the beauty I do, they can not always smile. I am pouring as much love and positivity into their lives as I can, to ease the ache we all feel. These girls, they understand me. They know my struggles in a way a boy never will. I’m not sorry that my love for them makes boys uncomfortable, it only tells me that they do not know the kind of friendship we share.

- l.o.m.

[livingonmaybes]

In The Before, I was whole. I made silly faces, ate junk food, waited a day too long to wash my hair. I counted my freckles and wished upon a star for a lover; I was a dreamer. I dreamt of someone who wasn't perfect, but they were perfect to me. I was content, happy even, to dream. In The During, I was on fire. I was breathless, colors spoke, and every cell in me was alive! Your laughter tasted like flying and I grew to love the feeling of the sun on my back. I felt like I had suddenly learned of a new part of me. A missing piece that I had always been unaware of, and every night I thanked the stars for bringing you to me. I dreamt of a future, of you and forever all tangled in the morning light of us. I was bursting at the seams with vibrancy and a new hunger for life. But now, in The After, I'm learning how to walk, how to smile, how to breathe, without you. I lost a set of lungs, both my legs, my sight when you left. Now I lay in the grass where my tears and the morning dew mingle. Every night I beg the stars to take this ache away, to remove our memories and the taste of freedom from my tongue. My dreams are small; I wish to go a day without crying, without thinking of you. I am so very empty. - l.o.m.

[livingonmaybes]

When we met you were bright yellow, the first I had ever seen. I couldn't help but stare and stare, transfixed at how radiant you were. Soon, I began to see all the yellow things around me like lemons and sunflowers. I fell in love with the sun, for she too was yellow. Everywhere I went, I saw you and smiled. It felt like no matter where I was, you were there too, wrapping me in an embrace. The color started to fade out, slowly leaking from everywhere. My world mellowed out and it no longer felt as vibrant, but more comfortable. It felt like a hot drink on a rainy day. The morning you left, the sun forgot to rise. The flowers wilted and it felt like the world had never known your sweetness. Not only did you take my heart when you left, but also the color yellow. - l.o.m. // past lovers as colors 1/?

[livingonmaybes]

The city lights stained your fingers an unforgiving yellow as you taught me about my body with your hot breath and a soft prayer. - l.o.m.