Don't Be Scared Of The First Step

Cali to Texas to Vegas. Learning to live life one step of happiness at at time

[extramadness]

[extramadness]

[livingwantingthefairytale]

Time to make a choice

Here we are again. Getting into a relationship with an indecisive man. At least this time I know he’s honest and wants the best for me above all. Solid debate here is to move or to not move. Now for me I don’t mind one but falling my heart wherever he goes. He makes me happy on a natural level. He’s always put me first and I always feel safe. To me that’s SUPER important. The choice of me moving this summer is no debate for me. I just need to know if that’s what he wants. And guess who doesn’t know? Ding ding ding. HE DOESNT. Now I’m not sure if he’s scared something will go bad and years and I mean YEARS of friendship is gone or if he’s just not emotionally ready to settle down. One minute we’re talking bout kids and wrap around porches and fire places safe to have in the bedroom. To the next minute of not sure what he wants with when to have me move. Now for me it’s either now or in 5 years. I’ve spent plenty of time making my peace with Vegas to either stay and suck up what it has to offer me or tell it to fuck off and leave before it can suck the first few years outta me.

Either way I’ll be happy. I just do not want to leave once I’ve started my Personal goals of getting my debt knocked down. That’s my worry. I don’t want anyone to feel like they gotta pay MY debt. Either Ima work hard to get it reduced or I pay for it myself. Those are the only options I’m wanting to take and I worry he doesn’t see that.

Now yes. I’m aware. I did learn a lesson moving across the country with guy that doesn’t even say I love you to me or put a ring on me. Trust me. I’m AWARE. But I know the level of love we have now is not comparable to what I thought I had before. Before I knew he wasn’t ready to say I love you. I knew he had a hard time to committing. And I knew gaining his trust was the top thing on his list to have me do.

Which is where I do feel my worry. I feel everyone’s worry. Am I really about to leave my dog and pack my bags to move ALL THE WAY across the country this time for a man that I don’t exchange I love you’s with? Am I really going to accept settling down in a new area and get to know a new state’s way of living?

To be fair. I’ve loved this man for years. Since the summer we spent together. I’ve never dropped the love. I just hid it. I thought about him every time something wasn’t right. I thought about him when I listened to nickelback when I drove across the country to Texas. I thought about him every time I heard someone say Eastwood. He’s more than a high school crush or a childhood dream to me. He’s been the rock I’ve needed and had in my pocket my whole life. Knowing someone for 15 years is a pretty big deal to someone who’s only 24.

He’s protected me against his own girlfriends in the past. He’s come to me even if it’s made them mad. I’ve ALWAYS have been first to him. That’s a level of love that takes time to express. I’ll call him love time to time. But my go to name for him is my favorite. Because that’s what he is to me.

So yes. I’ll gladly move across the country to live in a new city and start a new life with MY FAVORITE. I’ll happily learn state laws and transfer my creditals to be there for MY FAVORITE. We turn 25 this coming year and I plan on loving him for the full year coming up. By the end of the year I plan on telling him I love him and being HIS FAVORITE.

[iglovequotes]

http://iglovequotes.net/

[iglovequotes]

http://iglovequotes.net/

[livingwantingthefairytale]

Slowly falling in love is the best choice ever

Me, Myself, and I

[quotes]

Good teaching is ¼ preparation and ¾ theatre

[livingwantingthefairytale]

I miss my red hair. But it's not professional and so hard to maintain. Ima go back to cherry chocolate hair. Felt great and sexy in it

[whatver-deactivated20171107]

[imagination]

via weheartit

[livingwantingthefairytale]

Refuse to Sink

Well. It's happened again. Sadly single. And you know why? Because of the pancake theory. Haven't heard about it? Well. Think of making pancakes and how when it's perfectly mixed you couldn't be any happier with life. That's your old relationship. You think it's great. But wait, heat changes it and it's now something new. That's your new relationship. But what happens with your first pancake? It's always a mess. Either too much effort put in burns it or not enough effort and it's gross.

That's what happened. I moved to Vegas and found a bad pancake. It was bound to happen though. Luckily not with someone that truly fit in my future.

You know who fits? My Mr. Right. But who is he? When will I meet him? I'm 23 people. I so do not want to be an older mom!!! My original plan was to be a mom by 25. But guess what? I doubt it'll happen now that I'm at zero level with social interactions. I live in Vegas and I do not know many people. I know 3 that hangout with me weekly and that's it. I'm going to be graduating in May and starting my future. I had hoped I would have someone to start it with. But it looks like I have zero luck

But don't read this and feel sad for me. I'm not sad. I do not regret being single in Las Vegas at all. I have glad I am not marrying a controlling pain in the ass who put me down in so many ways I didn't even know when he was truly being kind to me. I'm not regretting letting the guy who settled for unemployment and took life slow go either. And I sure as hell do not regret a guy who lied to me for a month because he didn't like his past.

[livingwantingthefairytale]

Valentine's Day

Never give up. Don't let a single drop of hope go. Sometimes when you're not looking something wonderful will walk into your life. 4 months after having my world flipped upside down by a guy who took 3 years to gather thoughts on a future with me to only decide he didn't want that future. I have someone who values me more than I have ever felt. Sadly I work today. All day. 11am to 10pm. I'm going to be exhausted. So what did he do? Take me out last night. Now we both are struggling with money due. So we couldn't do anything pricey. Which is fine with me. We all know Cody didn't do anything for holidays for me on his own. But David found the best first holiday together. Living in Vegas has its perks. I'm seeing the light at the end of this tunnel. So what did we do? The only thing that's nearly free. We spent time together. Talked about how we will see a movie next week. We got ready and walked the night away on Fremont street. We listened to some local band that played all sorts of music. We swayed in the crowd and just had fun. Then we got hungry and I wanted this thing from a hotdog place that's not a hotdog. He took that description and ran with it. We walked into a place in hopes it was there. Nope. It wasn't. So we decided to just get subway on the way home. Well all be dam. Found out the thing was a gyro and hotdog place was Conney island 😂😂😂 oh man. This guy took a leap of faith that this food I was about to introduce him to was good. That first bite was true happiness in his eyes. Our night out costed us $20 with parking included. Can't be that at all. Then we went home. That's where our night was carried away until 2am. For something so small done, I can actually smile about our evening out together and think about how great the whole night was. Even if it started with the famous "I don't know. What do you want to do?"

[iglovequotes]

http://iglovequotes.net/

[thelovewhisperer]

I get the whole “He’s the only guy I’ve ever really been in love with” part. It’s hard to let go, hard to move on to someone else and think you’ll never find anyone with such characteristics or chemistry like you two had, but I promise you, once you let go and move on, you’ll find out that, deep down, the only feelings you have for him might be just the fact that you’ll always love him. You may not want him back, you might just be scared to move on without him.

More quotes about love and relationship here (via thelovewhisperer)

[livingwantingthefairytale]

When life throws you boulders

My life is crashing. Being spiraled down towards the depths of loneliness and depression. Cody has admitted to the clearest form. He cares strictly on a friend level. Not on a romance level. Not on a relationship level. I know he's told me he doesn't love me the way I love him. I know he loves me like how you love your friends and how he cares deeply for me. I took all that as hope for the love I want. I took the small talk of kids as hope for a family. I took the cute gestures of rubbing my tummy and saying some day a baby as hope for that family. I took the reality given to me and turned it into a fairytale I wanted. I took what was given and made it into a fantasy of hope. I was horrible to my heart and now it's suffering. I brought a dog into our lives where I'm stressing to no end on his new home relocation. I brought my sister here. Believing we would all be happy. All it did was given him a new perspective that he's no good for me. I allowed them to be alone enough for them to have heart to hearts. For him to hear her out. I don't blame her for protecting me. I don't blame her for him to figure it out he wasn't the guy for me. I was accepting who he was. I was happy to live off of hope. I haven't known anything much then the relationship I was in. I had a solid past of "loves" who mistreated me. Who didn't appreciate me properly. Who really just used me to their own happiness. Thomas was a middle school romance. We broke up because of school schedule conflicts. Nick was first romantic lover. He cheated and betrayed me as a girlfriend and as a friend. Bubba treated me like a trophy because I was the best he ever had. I was put on a pedestal to be adored. He didn't take anything I wanted serious. Brandon. Now he was love. He was passion. He was honest. I walked away because he bought a car I didn't like. He spent too much time with the car and not me. I was selfish. I regret this walk. Robby. Well used me for literally anything for his racecar. I was in love with our romance of him being a racecar driver. There was more guys. Guys I said love you too all too quickly. But these are the guys I actually loved and remember the details of our relationships. Guys who I knew were no good for me or I wasn't any good for them and still stayed. Now Cody is added to this list. He's all a part of this list. We started as lovers. Started as friends making love. He told me he loved me like his mom. I walked when he wanted me to share. I came back because I wanted the love story too badly. I wanted the speech of our wedding to start back when we were 6. It was all too cute to be in love with your childhood crush. I have yearbooks with his picture in hearts. But. He wasn't. Ever He never loved me. And that's what kills me. What hurts. Why I'm crying so badly. We spent almost 3 years of being lovers. Not once did he mean I love you. Not once did he mean emotions towards me. And the reality is horrible. I cry so hard tears can't make it to my eyes to fall. This is the end. There's no fairytale for me. I'm a hopeless romantic with a Disney expectation of a twist. I'm hoping still. I'm hoping he's going to walk into the house and realize he does love me. He just needed time from me being away.

[livingwantingthefairytale]

Crazy to think this was 15 years ago. I remember the entire school went silent when our principal shared the news of what had happened.

[passion20]

Having sex is a physical thing and it’s fun, but it’s different when you’re both emotionally vested in the act. That’s making love.

Anonymous (via passion20)