As soon as Valentine got the voicemail from her wife, she stilled, unable to process what was actually going on for some time. She shook it off, as soon as she could and left the meeting without explaining what was currently happening. There was nothing more important than Elizabeth and their child now, screw everyone else. They were the ones that mattered the most to her, and they were the ones who, in all honesty, kept her going, without losing the will to live. Something like a personal drug, she would have to admit.
She got into the car, her shaky hands were gripping the steering wheel a little bit too hard; her knuckles immediately went white, paler than usual. Valentine had to focus on the road, she didn’t want to, but she had to. She wouldn’t want to be another problem that needed to be taken care of, after all.
After avoiding all the speeding tickets, she could possibly obtain, the woman got out of her car, closed it and almost tripping took off to the register in the hospital. She asked for her wife, so the nurse could lead her all the way to the room she was in.
The woman had no idea that she was capable of going even paler than she already was, yet here she is, looking like death incarnate. She needed to get a grip, be strong for Lizzy. So, she hesitated a couple of seconds and then walked in, slowly, still unsure of what is happening, and what is real or not.
She couldn’t be weak, not right now. But, as soon as she heard her wife apologizing, it just hit her. The tears were already streaming down her porcelain cheeks and she didn’t even manage to do, or say anything, at all. “No, no, no, no, no…” the words, at this point just sounded like a some kind of mantra. “It’s not your fault, it’s not… It’s okay, I…” she what? Frankly, she had no idea what to say, seeing as her mind was too busy thinking of anything that could possibly comfort her hurt partner. “I love you, okay? None of this is your fault, and you know this,” she whispered, right after she caved and gently wiped some of the tears away from Lizzy’s cheeks and then just pulled her in, carefully, into a hug. It was all she could do right now; the words couldn’t fix anything.
As Lenny spoke, she tried to control her breathing, not wanting to cause any more damage to herself. While Lizzy knew she was right, that it wasn’t her fault, she couldn’t help the gnawing feeling of guilt eating away at her. Maybe she could have done something. Maybe if she hadn’t ignored the pains, she could have done something before it was too late. Logically, she knew thinking like this would be no good for her, that there was no telling what could have happened, that it would only haunt her. But she couldn’t think logically now. She couldn’t really think at all. Grief was clouding her, in a way she didn’t think possible. She knew there had been a chance of this. That there were always risks, that these things happened. But she had let herself hope so much. She had let herself imagine their future. One that was not going to happen now. At least, not with that child.
Falling into Valentine’s embrace, she wrapped her arms around her wife’s neck, gripping on to her, keeping herself steady. “I love you, too.” She whispered, closing her eyes. The tears were still flowing freely, but she no longer felt alone. “I can’t believe this is happening.” She choked out, her voice small. Despite knowing it was always a possibility, she never expected it to happen. Just like crossing the road, there is always the possibility that a car can hit you, but you don’t expect it to happen. Moving back slightly, she looked at her wife, her eyes searching her face. “How are you?” Even in the moment, as she was still in a lot of physical and emotional pain, she couldn’t help but worry about the other woman, how she was reacting. Of course, she knew that neither of them were actually okay, but she wanted to make sure that they could be strong together.
