Lizzy Tells All

Little Wisdoms: Feel Free To Ask Me Questions And Tell Me About Your Troubles.

[lizzytellsall]

My favorite part about waking up and realizing I'm late for an event is that I suddenly realize it is not the day of the event. And lucky for me, today I'm free as a bird.

Do spend time with others, but also find joy in spending time with yourself, by yourself.

[lizzytellsall]

A tree is a lot better looking with knots and scars. Perhaps your pain is preseved not as something shameful but as something beautiful. It shows someone who has been through pain but still is strong and alive. Grow tall, stretch your branches out to others and smile when you see your scars.

[lizzytellsall]

The blind only see darkness.

Some people choose to stay stuck where they are and many have convinced themselves of good reasons to do so. They choose to see the worst in everyone and every situation.

They limit themselves. They do not grow, do not challenge themselves. Instead they place blame on others, use people like tools and manipulate or guilt others as a means to an end. And in the end, they are only fooling themselves.

Until they sit with themselves and choose to take responsibility for who they were, who they are, and make active decisions to be the best person they can be, they will continue to actively blind themselves.

They will chose to live in darkness and turn their head from the light. When we chose to be blind to the root of the problem and not take responsibility for our own thoughts and actions, we can't grow.

I wish for those people that they find love to warm their hearts. That they choose forgiveness, trust, and vulnerability. I hope they find the courage to be brave enough to confront the root of the pain in their hearts so that they can open up to the light and take strides toward blooming with growth. I hope in doing so they learn to treat not only those around them well, but that they also choose to treat themselves fairly in truth.

[lizzytellsall]

Not every moment, needs to be a moment.

Sometimes we have moments of anger, anxiety, annoyance over small things that didn't go great for us. Sometimes we just want to spit it all out and share it with someone or allow it to impact our emotions for longer than it should. Just because we have a moment like this, doesn't mean it will be a problem for years to come or even a problem give days from now. Don't give those problematic moments, a moment of spotlight that allows your day to turn upside down. There is going to be a better day ahead and even a few beautiful moments scattered about.

[lizzytellsall]

Sometimes people try to teach us things and we are not ready to learn them in that moment. Eventually, you learn.

[lizzytellsall]

You don't need to look back just to move forward

When we are younger, we mirror our parents as we learn how to operate in the world, but there comes a time, normally in the teenage years, that we rebel. It's only into adult hood, that we learn to mix the two. Learning from our parents while taking ownership of our own lives.

It's important as we grow older to understand that we are human and so are our parents. We all learn as we go and though parents have much to teach us, just as the world around us does,

we also have to take control of our own thoughts, beliefs and actions.

I believe a lot of individuals doesn't take enough time to find the truth and they are a bit lost in life. Many feel the pain we all do as we grow up and experience the sometimes hostile world around us. We feel under prepared and often look back to find out where it "went wrong". 

In doing so we tend to put a lot of blame on our parents. Guaranteed, some parents have really missed the mark, but that's not my point. My point is that we miss the mark when we don't acknowledge that things could have been done differently or that we wish something else would have gone down, then ultimately accept the fact that it did go down the way it did. We have to forgive our parents , siblings, others that helped us to feel small and ourselves for all the things we allowed to bring us down.

Eventually we have to pick up our big kid panties and make both active and intentional decisions that steer the course through our own life rather then remaining stuck in a victim /helpless mentality.

There are a lot of people with family drama and some have the belief that "who we are is who we came from" but that is only a part of us.

I have a relative that believe "family means never having to say please or thank you". They miss understood that it's the individual relationships build over time, trust, vulnerability and emotional intimacy that built the bonds between some of our family members where they went out of their way to help each other. But to this relative, if you do not drop what you're doing at a moments notice to perform their will, to them it means you don't love them and that you're a bad family member.

This person has isolated themselves in and out of the family which is sad. Yes, Family is important but it is not just because they are blood. We choose who are family is, blood or otherwise.

So even though you may share their blood and their history, it is the choices you make today that make you who you are and it is the people you choose to invest your time in, that become your family.

But even outside of family, you are the person that has to make the hard choices in life. 

I believe I'm you. You are strong enough. You are smart enough, you are brave enough. Be patient with yourself and if you feel stuck, do anything. Just one thing that you are scared of, even if you don't feel like you no the correct place to start. Any place when starting is a start. You got this. 

Believe in yourself. Don't allow family history to define who you are today. And choose people around you that make you a better person and who bring value to your life.

[lizzytellsall]

There is a flexible line between love and hate. To be far, hate is probably too strong of a word. Perhaps something more tangible might be grasped in the words "peace" and "discomfort".

There is comfort in peace and in love there is a sense of peace. Sure there may be unsteady moments but the peace in love makes us feel safe and hopeful. Here I go, getting off track.

There was a movie a few years back that came out. It was Wreck-It Ralph 2, I "hated" it. In that, I mean it made me really uncomfortable. It brought up things I had been holding down beneath the surface.

The first movie was fantastic. I had watched it several years after it came out and it was at a time when I had been feeling a bit lonely but was learning how to make and maintain friendships. This movie made me hopeful about my journey to friendship and successful relationships in general. We all know it's a bit difficult to find friends meaningful relationships outside of school or work. You know, the deep ones, where you can be vulnerable and share a part of yourself that you had been hiding away.

In that first movie, two people that were disconnected from the people around them, came together. They were there for each other and to be honest, I felt a lot like Ralph at the time. Never before had I felt such a connection to an animated character. I felt my sister was a lot like Vanellope. She was always someone that tried her best to be there for me but she was also someone that enjoyed exploring the world around her. She seemed to embrace new things and experiences.

Then when the second movie came out, I was excited to see their new adventure. I wanted to see them support each other but I wasn't expecting to take it so hard. The movie felt bitter. Spoiler, Vanellope chooses to go her own way. She found something she loved and though Ralph got to be a part of that season of her life and though they still love each other, she needed to forge her own path, make new connections and try to shoot for her dreams.

I however was locked in my own perspective. I understood, deeply, why Ralph was trying to hold on so tight and keep her with him. He went from nobody, to such a supportive and understanding friend, and in a moment, it was being ripped away. No, worse. She was driving away, willingly.

It took a little bit to understand that this movie was clearly touching on a sore part of a deeper issue within. One where as a result of that issue, I was placing too much of my identity in my relationships and their success.

I love my sister/best friend, I know she will be there for me, but I needed to be happy for her. I needed to stop focusing on myself for a moment and focus on what's best for her.

We are all growing as people. Growth and change are a constant force in our lives and often we dig our heels in the floor and try to stay were it's safe and comfortable, even if it is not serving us well. And eventually our breakpads wear down.

You see, I'm still working through it, but I know that I have to release the control I wanted in my relationship. I needed to release both of us from any unhealthy bonds or habits we developed. I needed to be a good friend and support her curiousity.

But also, I needed to spark my own. I really do enjoy just being around those I care about. I don't need to be doing everything that I like and it can be totally mind-meltingly boring at time, just watching them do simple chores. But I enjoy the company of those I love especially when they get to do something they enjoy.

Over time I talked with myself more and I talked with other important people in my life. This helped/helps me discovered more about me and what I liked. I tried new things and it helped me understand a few things bout myself and baggage I had been keeping in my trunk that was weighing me down and preventing me from moving forward.

However, I sometimes forgot and still do forget from time to time to talk to myself inwardly about what I want and who I want to be. For a long time, I felt passionless, a car without a tire and I didn't even know what I liked in life. I stunted myself.

Now, I'm getting out more, learning what I like and dislike, how to treat people, learning how I want to be treated. I'm learning what it means to me a good friend and a good sister. I'm learning how to support others and how to encourage their growth and hopefully helping them to embrace change.

Change is scary sometimes, but it can be so rewarding in the way we least expect it to.

Ovid, a roman Poet once wrote "Let your hook be always cast; in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish."

There are going to be bumps on the road. Some of our travel companions will have to drive off on their own road for a bit, we may even connect again as we head in a similar direction, but never be afraid to take control of your own steering wheel and drive in paths you have yet to see. Who knows, you might find something even better or you might recover under a new perspective, what your relationships mean to you and how to continue nurturing them.

Shout out to my sister: I love our friendship and will always make time for you, but I want you to be less stressed and I want for you to enjoy the world again. Don't be afraid to take more shots, even if it means we can't always be physically as close by. I wish for you, that you rediscover your love for life, exploration of new things and putting yourself out there. You have an exciting road ahead of you and I will cheer you along the whole way.

[lizzytellsall]

I Decline, But Thank You.

More and more I find that people are creating new words and subcultures with their own language. Though I encourage subcultures to express themselves verbally in a way that make sense for them, I find that many try to impose their subculture and vernacular subculture onto me and my vernacular.

I found that most that try to impose their language on me don't always react well to this, but to those I value speaking with, they understand and are okay with just the acknowledgement that the terms exist for them without needing to force acculturation upon others around them.

This is how I respond. I begin by acknowledging the terms and meaning by asking questions of clarification and then if I do not wish to take them on into my own vocabulary, I say.

"I appreciate you sharing the vernacular of your subculture however I do not require the addition of these terms nor do I feel obliged to the merger of your vernacular with that of mine."

And as sometimes I can come off a little harsh, I sometimes add in a "I wish you well." Or "Thank you for sharing the meaning of your words so that I am able to understand them if they come up in conversation with others within your culture."

Then I go about my business.

This statement expresses gratitude for someone sharing the language or terminology associated with their subculture. However, it also conveys that the person, me, is not interested in adopting or using these terms themselves, nor do they feel obligated to merge or combine the subculture's language with their own. It's a polite way of acknowledging the gesture while politely declining to incorporate those specific terms into their own vocabulary. The closing phrase "I wish you well" indicates a positive and friendly sentiment despite the difference in language usage.

Though it is nice to be polite and listen, you are by no means required to implement someone else's views, words, beliefs, or culture upon yourself. I love when others share with me, but I myself, even when I share, do not expect someone to change for me or adapt to my desires. You should not feel obligated, pressured or bullied into following another person's desire.

You are capable of listening and deciding for yourself, by way of values and principles, what is good for you.

[lizzytellsall]

We all know someone, try as we might to subconsciously ignore the signs, who have darkness inside their minds.

Loved ones and acquaintances alike, that dwell in the depths of their own despair, unable to escape themselves.

A deep part of me longs for a deeper friendship with them, specifically one that pulls them to the surface of their minds and prevents any dark thoughts or depression growing within said person.

Often as it would seem, people come to us with fractured hearts and if not careful, we can break them further without even realizing it. I want my heart to be a hospitable place of rest for their hearts to land. Often more than not, these people remain a stranger to my own heart.

I wish I could put my heart's into their heart and wrap them in a hug. I want to radiate warmth and tenderness. I want to press into them and help their hearts beat again.

Sometimes I allow myself to fall into a delusion that I can be the one to save them, to bring them out of this place of pain, but I can't. I can't change them. I can't make them see light where they see dark. I can't speak words they are not willing to hear. I can't make it all better with a tap of my hand to their heart. I know that I can't force growth and change, they have to will it for themselves, but I can be there as they stand up. I can be there as they take a step forward. I can be there as they take a step back. I can be there in the corner of their hearts, cheering them on.

I can't be their hero. They have to be their own hero, but I would like to think that I can be a fan in the crowd.

[lizzytellsall]

My Daddy Gave Me Away

Some people leave gaping holes inside of us. They are wounds that we just can't seem to close.

Father of mine

Tell me where have you been?

You know I just closed by eyes

My whole world disappeared

I remember blue skies walking the block

I loved it when you held me high

I loved to hear you talk

Father of mine

Tell me where did you go?

Yeah, you had the world inside your hand

But you did not seem to know

Father of mine

Tell me what do you see?

When you look back at your wasted life

And you don't see me

I never understood you then

And I guess I never will

I will never be safe

I will never be sane

I will always be weird inside

I will always be lame

My daddy gave me a name

(Then he walked away)

You may have someone you I thought you could trust and or look up to who abandon you, but don't abandon yourself. Allow yourself to feel that pain and work through it. It's not going to be okay or the same. Change is different but it can be good for you. Allow yourself to trust and love again.

Repeat after me:

I am safe

I am sane

I maybe weird inside but that's the strength I have gained.

I am perfectly me.

[lizzytellsall]

Everyone has been and will be wrong at some point. Do not be afraid to admit when you fall short. Be brave. Be honest. Be you.

[lizzytellsall]

What is pride compared to love?

If you love them, put your pride on the table and carry their heart instead. Let your hands and heart be hospitable places for their own heart to rest.

[lizzytellsall]

When it comes to facing fears, people tend to like to do that together. It's somehow less scary when others are beside you.

If you feel scared and want to face your fear, tell someone so that they can help you to face your fear, as they walk along side you.

They can't do it for you, as our fears are our own, but they can be a hand on your shoulder. They can be a simple touch that reminds you that you are not alone and that they are proud of you for facing those fears.

And just possibly, you may bring them joy in the tought that you were willing to be vulnerable enough to share your fears with them.

Facing fears with others can be a bonding experience.

[lizzytellsall]

Stop living with a blade in your heart. Choose to remove it so that you may carve out a new home for yourself.

Be kind to yourself.

[lizzytellsall]

Those who meddle in the love lives of others, are in their own heart the one that seek the most of a romantic relationship. They must first attend to their own heart before they can settle.

[lizzytellsall]

Some, they have everything and everything means nothing. To others, those who have nothing but that one thing means everything, keep your head high and your heart open. Keep dreaming, keep rejoicing in even the little things and one day, what is most important, will be yours.

[lizzytellsall]

For some people, you might be the only smile they encounter today. You might as well make it shine brightly.