An excerpt of Mariahâs interview with people Magazine
Although she was first diagnosed in 2001 (when she was hospitalized for a physical and mental breakdown), âI didnât want to believe it,â the superstar singer-songwriter tells PEOPLE editor in chief Jess Cagle.
Carey says she finally sought treatment recently after âthe hardest couple of years Iâve been throughâ â years of professional upheaval, an E! reality show and romantic drama.
âUntil recently I lived in denial and isolation and in constant fear someone would expose me,â she says. âIt was too heavy a burden to carry and I simply couldnât do that anymore. I sought and received treatment, I put positive people around me and I got back to doing what I love â writing songs and making music.â
One of the most successful singers of all time, with 18 No. 1 hits and more than 200 million records sold, Carey spent many of her years in the spotlight suffering in silence.
She is now in therapy and taking medication for bipolar II disorder, which involves periods of depression as well as hypomania (less severe than the mania associated with bipolar I disorder, but can still cause irritability, sleeplessness and hyperactivity).
âIâm actually taking medication that seems to be pretty good. Itâs not making me feel too tired or sluggish or anything like that. Finding the proper balance is what is most important,â Carey tells PEOPLE.
âFor a long time I thought I had a severe sleep disorder,â continues Carey, now back in the studio working on an album due later this year. âBut it wasnât normal insomnia and I wasnât lying awake counting sheep. I was working and working and working ⊠I was irritable and in constant fear of letting people down. It turns out that I was experiencing a form of mania. Eventually I would just hit a wall. I guess my depressive episodes were characterized by having very low energy. I would feel so lonely and sad â even guilty that I wasnât doing what I needed to be doing for my career.â
Carey, who co-parents her 6-year-old twins Monroe and Moroccan with ex-husband Nick Cannon, says she decided to come forward because âIâm just in a really good place right now, where Iâm comfortable discussing my struggles with bipolar II disorder. Iâm hopeful we can get to a place where the stigma is lifted from people going through anything alone. It can be incredibly isolating. It does not have to define you and I refuse to allow it to define me or control me.â
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