The Fallen Morningstar

Lucifer Morningstar. Satan, the Devil. Call me what you want, i'm still an Archangel, just like my brothers. (Indie Lucifer RP blog. Sideblog)

[llucifallen]

are you going to age with grace || open

[sam-and-zeke]

Sam balled his hands into fists as Lucifer blocked his way out. He hadn’t expected the guy to be so fast especially since he probably wasn’t used to probable Valedictorians slapping him. He glared hard, hating that Lucifer would see the tears Sam had not wanted him to see.

"I would! I would hire you if I had the chance! People like you have had crappy lives and it makes people do different things! If you had the education for the job, I’d hire you over some guy who had nothing bad happen in his life because life is never that perfect. You need to see how much it can suck before you even think about trying to make it better! So there! If you ever want to be hired by me in the future, you have to try! You have to show EVERYONE that Lucifer Novak is not garbage or a loser no matter what sort of hell he has been through. More people respect those who change their lives around for the better," he said seriously.

Sam grit his teeth, refusing to back down from this guy. He could have been so much more, but thought it didn’t matter. Well it did and if nothing else, Sam was going to make him see that. It was all he could teach Lucifer. Then it hit him. Those charts and drawings. If Lucifer was a closeted genius, they could easily be his. In fact… Hiding them… proved they were Lucifer’s.

"I bet… if you showed people how smart you really are, the planetarium downtown would have you as an intern easily, even without a college education. Those were your drawings, weren’t they? They were… brilliant. I was really jealous I couldn’t even begin to draw those constellations a quarter as well as that artist could," he said, his voice going softer and softer as he spoke with his flush returning oh so slightly.

[llucifallen]

           The fact that Sam was able to go from slapping Lucifer and storming off angrily to trying to speak encouraging words to him all the while being held up against a door by his shirt collar was astonishing. This kid was crazy. He was fucking crazy, almost as crazy as Lucifer himself.

            Damn it! Sam had fucking seen his papers and books and the plethora of astronomy things he had just barely hidden away under the china cabinet. He'd seen and now- he wasn't making fun of Lucifer, but Lucifer couldn't help but feel violated. That was one part of his life he had always managed to keep a secret. His own brother had called him borderline insane for staying up until the sun decided to show itself, the thick rimmed glasses that he wore to read and made sure to keep a secret pressed up snug against his nose, finishing his fourth cup of coffee. Now Sam Winchester knew.

            With a growl, Lucifer shoved Sam back one more time before stalking away and tossing himself onto the couch in his living room, propping dirty feet up on Michael's ever-clean glass-top coffee table. He could worry about the consequences later- the only thing on his mind was how fucking bad he needed a cigarette.

            "Want one?" Lucifer offered after lighting up his own and held the pack out for Sam to take one, if he did that kind of thing. Which, thinking about it, really didn't seem like the kind of thing good boy Sammy Winchester would ever do. Oh well. Didn't hurt to ask and be a polite host, if the kid was going to stay, right?

            Alright, so Sam knew. Big deal. Wait, no, exactly. It was a huge fucking deal. He'd probably want to be some bleeding heart citizen and try to get Lucifer 'back on the right track', or whatever. Yeah, fuck that. Like hell he was going to let that bullshit happen. He didn't need some punk-ass kid coming into his home and trying to tell him that he could do something with his life. Lucifer groaned, craning his head back and letting out a few breaths laced with the smoke from his cigarette.

          "Don't be jealous. I've been doing it since mom died. So- thirteen years," Lucifer's eyes were closed and the smoke drifted from the small gap between his lips, out of his nose. "Yeah, and have Mikey find out I work at the fuckin' planetarium? He would kill me."

[llucifallen]

are you going to age with grace || open

[llucifallen]

sam-and-zeke:

Sam looked down, feeling so freaking embarrassed. He could bet that tomorrow he would never hear the end of the teasing about this whole conversation. Probably the only person who would bother staying by him after it was all said and done would be Gabriel since he would just think it was funny and move on.

He couldn’t look at Lucifer at all until he stopped laughing and even then, he felt childish and stupid. He rubbed his arm with discomfort, wishing all of this would just be over. It wasn’t fair at all to deal with any of this. All he was supposed to do was tutor him! Not get made fun of and laughed at while getting nothing done.

When Lucifer spoke again, the words gave Sam the courage to look up. No. Not courage. Anger. This guy understood all of the stuff in the math book and he didn’t even care. This was the first time he had ever even encountered this and it pissed him off to no end. Without thinking, a smack could be heard echoing through the room. It took him a second to realize he had been the one to cause the smack and it had been against Lucifer’s cheek.

"How. Dare. You?" he whispered angrily. He had never was pissed in his life. "You know how much work it took for me to get this smart? It took reading every day and every night. I worked hard to become this and you already know all of this and act like it’s nothing! I HAD TO GIVE UP EVER SEEING MY BROTHER DEAN AGAIN TO FREAKING GO TO SCHOOL HERE FOR LONGER THAN A COUPLE WEEKS! MY FATHER TOLD ME THAT IF I CAME HERE TO NEVER GO BACK TO THEM! YET YOU THINK THAT BECAUSE IT ISN’T COOL, YOU HAVE TO GIVE THE TEACHERS A HARD TIME AND BE A JERK! FUCK YOU! YEAH! I SAID IT! FUCK! YOU!" Sam slammed the book shut and started storming towards the door, refusing to let this asshole see him cry.

           It was much too late to apologize for laughing, because as soon as Lucifer noticed the way Sam was shifting in his seat, and the disgusted glare in his narrowed hazel eyes, Lucifer’s cheek started to sting tremendously and he became dazed for a few seconds until it occurred to him what had happened. Sam had just smacked him. For a kid as tall and lanky as he was, Sam was strong. Lucifer gave himself a moment to admire that before staring back in awe and complete shock at Sam.

            What the hell? Had he really managed to piss off the ever-mellow Sam Winchester just like that? He could have snapped at him like he would anyone else who dared to defy him like that in his own home, but… he gave the kid a chance. Lucifer wasn’t completely without a heart, after all.

            In the fit of rage he had apparently caused, Sam spewed out some things that perhaps he hadn’t meant to share with Lucifer. Things that were generally kept to oneself or between best friends at three in the morning. So… that’s where Dean and his father went. They left Sam here because Sam wanted to go to school. And his dad told him not to go back. Lucifer opened his mouth to reply but oh, there was more.

            And oh just how brave this younger man was, to throw bullshit in Lucifer’s face, tell him ‘fuck you’ and try to walk away. Anger boiled to the surface as he watched for a few seconds Sam’s taller form storming away. Just as he grasped for the door handle, Lucifer’s hand appeared in front of his face, making sure to place all of his weight on the door. Sam was not leaving. Lucifer grabbed the other by the collar of his shirt and held him fast against the door with a snarl.

            "Don’t you ever for a second pretend to know shit about me, Sam Winchester,” he began, knowing full well his voice was beginning to shake. “You think I don’t go to class because it isn’t cool? Fuck that. I don’t go because what’s the fucking point? Who the fuck wants to hire a kid that’s been addicted to drugs? A kid that’s been in a detention center for the criminally insane three times before he turned eighteen? Fucking no one. I don’t go because no matter how much work I put in, it’s useless.” God his words felt disgustingly true and part of him could hardly believe himself when he realized the kind of information he just shared with a kid he had never spoken to before and only stared at out of the corner of his eye in the middle of class.

          "I’m sorry your fuckin’ daddy doesn’t give a damn. Really, kid. But my daddy didn’t either, and neither do my brothers. So tell me again- what. Is the fucking. Point.” Lucifer’s breathing was heavy, his face pink and warm from where Sam had hit him, and damn it he just really needed a cigarette.

[frommemetoyou]

Send me a symbol to recieve the following from my muse

Send ✆ for a morning text

Send ♔ for an angry text

Send  ♠ for a drunk text

Send ☏ for a vague text

Send ⁇ for a worried text

Send ♣ for a text not meant for you

Send ✘ for a text that should never have been sent

Send ✺for a saucy text

Send √ for a long winded confessing text 

Send ☠ for misguided advice

Send ☢ for a desperate text

Send ☼ for a congratulatory text

[llucifallen]

are you going to age with grace || open

[sam-and-zeke]

"S-sorry… about Dean," he stuttered, his voice cracking a little from the intense look he was getting. The fact that Lucifer stared harder really didn’t help Sam’s attempt to focus. The look had a small hint of confusion which Sam’s hormonal mind interpreted to be, "Why aren’t you up against a wall with my tongue down your throat?" He really needed all of that to stop. He’d blame it on that "bad boy" stage everyone seemed to go through later. Now they needed to work.

When Lucifer’s look became meaner and his voice deeper, Sam’s brain literally shut off. That wasn’t supposed to be hot! That was supposed to be terrifying! Yet it was both for Sam and all he could do was swallow thickly at try to use his vocabulary again. That was soon unnecessary when Lucifer’s smile came through and he moved to the seat Sam gestured to earlier. Oh…. He smelled weirdly good. Like… a small hint of sweat along with something that was just Lucifer. The smell would probably bother someone else, but to Sam, it was a strong, rugged smell that fit the other boy’s attitude. Sam had to bite his lip and blame hormones in his head before he could speak again.

"Well I am glad to hear that. Also, my hugs aren’t a threat. It’s something I do because calling yourself stupid is bad for your self-esteem. So I hug to help. I know it’s weird, but my dad wasn’t the hugging type and I had low self-esteem before I came here. Uncle Bobby had me talk to the counselor a lot at the beginning of the year to help and she said that almost everyone likes hugs. So… I hug. That um… Sounded less weird in my head. How about you tell me what part of math you are having issues with and we’ll start there," he suggested while trying to will the burning in his face away. He knew if Lucifer hadn’t noticed his blushing before, now he had to know. The good news was that he could play off this one as embarrassed.

[llucifallen]

           Lucifer opened his mouth to mention he hadn’t seen his brother nor Sam’s father since the very beginning of the year, but thought better of it. There had to be a reason, and whatever that reason was, Sam probably wouldn’t want to share it with him, of all people. Sam didn’t seem like the type to ever consider Lucifer someone he could trust. Lucifer, of course, didn’t mind all that much. He was just that one kid Lu had paid special attention to in class.

            "Dude… you’re fuckin’ weird.” Lucifer managed out a long laugh, harder than he had laughed any time recently. Sam hugged? What the hell did that even mean? The fact that he apparently gave out hugs to those with low self-esteem was a lot funnier than the fact he had just blurted out, word for word, ‘I hug’.

            His fit of laughter was finished after a minute or two, leaving him with a shaking torso and tears glistening in his blue eyes. He could only hope that Sam didn’t mistake that for rude laughter, like he was laughing at him. Okay, so maybe Lucifer was laughing at him a little bit. Still, he was so wonderfully nerdy and weird and adorable and that left Lu with a billion and one conflicting feelings.

            "Sorry, sorry. Anyway, I don’t think you understand." Lucifer managed to pull himself together enough to clear his throat and speak seriously. He flipped through the math book again with another sigh and shook his head. "I get all of this.” He did. He understood it all as well as he possibly could. He just didn’t care enough to apply himself. But Sam didn’t need to know that.

            "I’m going to graduate regardless of how poor I do in my classes. You’re wasting your time." Lucifer turned to face Sam and leaned back in his seat, arms once more crossed against his chest as if to say "I win." Because he truly felt he did. He won. He didn’t need Sam, or any tutor. He didn’t need Michael to vouch for him anymore, he didn’t need the school to tell him to just ‘try harder’. Lucifer just wanted to be left alone. Was that so hard?

[dresswelldobad-deactivated20171]

[llucifallen]

are you going to age with grace || open

[sam-and-zeke]

Sam swallowed as Lucifer stared him down. Well… Technically up since Sam’s growth spurt was starting to really kick in now. He was already at 6’2” and he had been an inch shorter two months ago, so there was probably still more growing to go. His height was not important right now. What was important was that Lucifer was staring too long at him and that was not good. The guy was probably trying to figure out which of his friends were the closest so they could all beat Sam up for daring to show up on Lucifer’s doorstep. Sam was about to turn and run when the gang leader invited him inside. Oh man. That was probably worse, but Sam made a promise to help Lucifer, and he did not break promises on purpose.

As they walked in, Sam saw countless books and charts of stars shoved out of the way. He had only seen them for a second, but they looked incredibly interesting and detailed. He forced himself not to comment on them though. If Lucifer was going to treat them like garbage, they weren’t his to begin with anyways. He’d ask Gabe later to compliment the owner because those few drawings that he caught a glimpse of were breathtaking. He was led to a table and forced to look at boots that had clearly seen better days. He set the math book down before seeing that look. The look Lucifer gave so many people before they ended up in the hospital. Yet… It was also the one look that made Uncle Bobby run low on tissues at home. It was dark and dangerous, but it also showed power and intelligence that no one could see. This was a look of a dark king that knew what he wanted and how he was going to get it. Whenever Sam saw it flash, Gabriel left his mind and the only thought he had was hoping a Lucifer meant his ass. Oh. No. Lucifer said something. What had it been?! Sam forced himself to wrack his brain for the words while his cheeks turned pink from the dirty thoughts moments ago. His brain finally supplied him with the answer, but it was the one Sam hated to hear most.

"First of all, I never once said you were stupid. I hate it when people call themselves that and it’s always wrong. My older brother Dean is a genius, but because our dad hates us wasting time on school when we could be working, Dean has shoved all of that down. He’s great at puzzles, knows a bunch about physics, and could probably be in college right now if he wanted to be, but he thinks he’s stupid. Until I am, no. From this moment on, even after I am done tutoring you, you are not allowed to think you are stupid. Anytime you do, I will be forced to hug you and tell you that you are smart, but you just are confused by the process. As for what we are working on, today it’s math. We’ll work on a different subject everyday unless you have a test or something the next day in one subject, which will make us study for your test. I’ll be here everyday and work around your schedule since you are my focus right now. So I’m going to ask you to take your shoes off your table and move to the seat next to me so we can share the book. We’re working on FOIL today," he said in his serious voice. He pat the seat to his right so Lucifer could have space to write down the problems as they worked.

[llucifallen]

            The pink on Sam's cheeks only spurred Lucifer's dark look farther. He continued to stare levelly at Sam, as if the two of them have yet to reach an agreement on something. Why is he blushing? Lucifer asked himself, the left side of his upper lip curling upwards to show off his teeth. It should have come off as threatening, had he been directing that gesture towards anyone else, but with Sam, it was more a look of mock amusement.

            "Oh, that's right. Big brother Dean-o." Lucifer snorted and rolled his eyes. "I know him. Only because he once tried to run me over in the parking lot." Unfortunately, that was true. He'd been minding his own business, as usual, when Dean's old black Impala came hurling around the corner and thankfully Lucifer wasn't as stupid as he looked and sidestepped out of the way before he was reduced to blood and guts on the pavement.

            The rest of Sam's little 'lecture' was wasted on Lucifer, who did, in fact, comply with the order given to take his feet off of the table, and instead chose to rest his elbows on the table and prop his head up in his hands. He shot a very sarcastic look at Sam with his lips still curled up, until deciding to drop that game and start up an entirely new one. His expression grew dark again as he leaned in closer to Sam, eyes narrowed.

            "This is my house, punk. Are you really going to start barking out orders like that?" Lucifer's voice dropped to a low gravel. It was his job to be as intimidating as possible, and if Sam really thought he could tell him what to do in his own house, he was unfortunately mistaken. This only lasted for a few moments when Lucifer broke character with a cheshire grin, and snorted a small bit of laughter.

            "I'm fucking with you, Winchester. Not gonna bite. So. FOIL." After throwing himself down into the chair next to Sam, he slid one of the books in front of him and flipped through it, not really looking at anything. "First, outer, inner, last. Another way to simplify equations. Pretty sure we can skip that one." He glanced at Sam out of the corner of his eyes and cleared his throat. "Like you said- I'm not a moron, I just play dumb. No need to hug me, sunshine."

            He hadn't even questioned Sam why he used that as a threat, out of all of the things he could have picked. The obvious answer was that Lucifer didn't seem the type for hugs. And he wasn't. Not really. But it also wouldn't kill him, which is certainly how it seemed. Lucifer was right about playing dumb, as well. He'd given up on school the last time he almost got kicked out for fighting. It just didn't seem important to him anymore. He wasn't going to get anywhere, anyway, so why bother?

[fractioussam-deactivated2017010]

“Oh well, that’s every cell phone Dean’s got. One of them should have picked up, right. Big brother’s probably dead.” “Shut up.” “He said ‘shut up’ to me.”

[llucifallen]

[ I'm awake, working on replies. Just an FYI, i will reply MUCH faster to texting/phone call/few sentence roleplays, mainly because my long paragraph roleplays start as pure wordvomit and i have to edit it 70 times and still somehow fuck up. So feel free to start one of those roleplays with me at any time! ]

[ofmetalandstitchskinarchive-blog]

RPers: Reblog if you are 18 or older

[llucifallen]

This means you are legal in the US and won’t have anyone else arrested for smutting with you if that is so.

So, just please reblog if you are.

[llucifallen]

are you going to age with grace || open

[sam-and-zeke]

Sam Winchester spent all of his life on the road with his dad and brother, Dean. Dad traveled for work after their mom passed away and took the boys with him, never really giving them a stable home. It was amazing they got an education at all really, but Sam loved school so much that he actually made sure to keep accurate records of his schooling over the years so he could make sure he didn’t get held back no matter how many schools he would attend each year.

When he got to his senior year of high school, he decided enough was enough. He wanted to spend a year at one school and one school only. John blew up at him and Dean didn’t say a word in his defense, but thankfully, Uncle Bobby had been there and said that he could take Sam in and let him go to the local high school for the one year. John reluctantly agreed, but took Dean with him that night without another word to Sam from either.

It broke Sam’s heart to not hear from his family, but the stable school environment was nothing to sneeze at either. Sam took several tests before the year started to place him in proper classes only to find that he would have to take the most advanced classes the school had to offer in order to challenge him at all. The classes were not much force though against Sam’s desire for knowledge. With his past GPA and the weighted classes he was passing with flying colors, Sam passed his entire class for Valedictorian, an honor he called his dad about being in the running for, but never got the chance to speak to him.

As part of the community service he needed to do in order to gain the title for sure, he volunteered to tutor his fellow classmates. He had quickly changed F’s to A’s for many students, but his teachers told him that there was one that really needed his gifts though he would never ask: Lucifer Novak. The name itself sent shivers down Sam’s spine. This was the leader of the gang at school that called themselves the Demons, a play on the name of their leader. These guys were ruthless and the teachers wanted him to tutor their boss?! Sam forced himself to swallow his pride and go to the Novak house and try to teach Lucifer.

He rang the bell while holding the math book a teacher lent him for Lucifer’s tutoring sessions. He waited for an answer, hoping Gabriel would be the one to actually answer. Gabe was funny if a bit childish and though Sam would never admit it, he had a tiny crush on the youngest Novak. Seeing Gabriel would be the only good thing about all of this. Sadly he was disappointed to find his charge answered the bell instead.

"H-Hey, Lucifer… I’m um… here to tutor you. The teachers are really worried about your grades and wanted me to help you since I helped a lot of other people already. May I come in?" he asked nervously.

[llucifallen]

            Christ. Sam Winchester. Sam, the kid he knew his brother couldn’t stop yapping about every damn time he came home from school or this kids house. Lucifer swallowed thickly. He wasn't going to pretend he didn't find the kid cute. He could definitely see why Gabriel had a borderline obsession with him. But what the fuck was he doing at their front door? Gabriel, he knew, made sure to keep his friends away from their house, on account of Lucifer's horrible reputation and the fact that if any of these kids knew, Gabriel would not have friends.

            Oh. So Sam was a tutor. Lucifer knew just how smart he was, after watching him occasionally out of the corner of his eyes at school, when he had the time or patience to even go. He hadn't even known-- wait, no, he vaguely remembered Michal informing him that someone would be coming by to 'help him get on track'. Apparently, in the form of a mildly attractive tutor.

            "Yeah. Come in, I guess," he finally remembered to speak after a few moments of staring at the other young man (for hopefully not too long). Lucifer left the door open and rushed to the dining room to clear the table of his own books.

            He really didn't need one of the nerdiest kid in the school knowing his secret love for astronomy. He especially didn't need him to tell the lackey's at school. They'd kick his ass into next Tuesday and then he'd really be fucked. The books and his skymaps and own drawings were stashed hastily under the china cabinet that sat behind the table. Lucifer prayed silently that Sam hadn't seen any of that. Oh God, then his life would really be over.

            "Here's fine, kid." Lu gestured to the table before throwing himself lazily into the chair at the head of the table, tossing his feet up onto the table and giving Sam a great view of the bottom of his dirty work boots. With arms crossed against his chest and his chair reclined slightly back, he fixed Sam with as dark a glare as he could manage and a small, barely noticeable smirk.

            "What's up first, teach? Big idiot like myself, I'm sure you have a lot to show me." Lucifer's tone was sarcastic and came out a bored drone, just waiting to see Sam's reaction to finally talking to Lucifer for the very first time that year.

[llucifallen]

are you going to age with grace || open

            Lucifer Novak was eighteen, going on nineteen, and was just finishing up his senior year at a nearby high school. Don't let his expression fool you - he's no where near excited to be done with school. Where will he go once it's all over? What will he do? He's brought up his fears to his older brother, Michael, and they were unfortunately met with violence and words shouted up three floors in the house Michael had inherited from their dead parents.

            There were four of them, living under one roof. Michael, Raphael, Lucifer, and Gabriel. God, he hated those names. He hated the fact he was named after the Devil himself. But he had gotten so used to it over the years that, well, he couldn't bring himself to get it changed. Not yet.

            The fears of his future ate at him every day. It wasn't as if his 'friends' knew, if that's really what you could call them. He preferred to call them his 'lackeys'. They hung out with him because they thought he was the toughest. And in a way, he was. But he would never confide in any of those people. If he was being honest, the only person worth trusting was his brother, Gabriel.

            Being sent to a detention center for the criminally insane three times, and drug rehab once before you're even eighteen doesn't exactly get you on a great list of job opportunities. The thought of what he'd do when school let out in June, when he graduated (merely because he managed to scrape enough credits to get by) made him want to vomit.

            At current, Lucifer was on lockdown for punching someone in the face. They insulted someone that he didn't want insulted-- what had they thought was going to happen? Michael managed to hurl a dictionary at his face earlier, so he was curled up in his bedroom, staring at the ceiling, when the doorbell rang.

            "Damn it," he swore under his breath, swinging his feet off of the edge of his bed and clambering downstairs in his sweatpants. Michael wasn't home-- and he had a key. So who the hell could be ringing the--

            "Oh. Hey. Uh, what are you doing here?" Lucifer asked the person standing at his door-- frankly, it was the last person he would have thought it would be. And he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Not yet.

[oopsitsgabriel]

Ships n shit for Gabe and Lu

Because I’m lazy and my customization thing for tumblr isn’t working, here’s a list of ships I have for Gabriel and Lucifer. I’ll only label them as ‘romantic’ and ‘sexual’ and ‘brotp’. Take from this what you will. (Might expand upon it from time to time)

Under the cut

Read More

[nobledemons]

“But I’ll still believe Though there’s cracks you’ll see When I’m on my knees I’ll still believe And when I’ve hit the ground Neither lost nor found If you’ll believe in me I’ll still believe”

[nobledemons]

For Cova.

[michellekpoems]

I am not beautifully broken. I was ripped to shreds from the inside out.

Michelle K., Beautifully Broken (via yoursuicidegirl)

[supernaturaladdicted]

FAVORITE SUPERNATURAL QUOTES:   ↳ A wrestling match inside your noggin. I like the idea. Just you and me, one round, no tricks. You win, you jump in the hole. I win… well, then I win. What do you say, Sam? A fiddle of gold against your soul says I’m better than you.

[llucifallen]

the devil's in the details || open

[sam-and-zeke]

Sam waited for answers, but it seemed that there would be none spoken. He didn’t miss the look of shock in Lucifer’s eyes when he heard that Sam’s body came without his soul. That meant he was innocent. Lucifer was many things, but liar had yet to be a word Sam could use against him. That didn’t mean that Lucifer couldn’t say falsehoods, but the fallen angel would have perceived the situation differently.

The hunter appreciated the distance Lucifer kept before exploring Sam’s mind. It would still mean the angel had access to his mind, but subconsciously it made Sam feel less vulnerable. He nodded to the warning and started hiding memories and thoughts. Most of them were for tactical reasons, but there was one that he kept for his own emotional safety: his memory of saying yes to Lucifer.

The memory was one he kept from everyone. If anyone ever saw it, they would think something was wrong with Sam. The hunter had gone in to accept Lucifer in order to trick him, but when the time came, he said yes because he truly wanted Lucifer and himself to be one. Someone understood him. His pain was shared. If Nick could have held on, Sam would have asked Lucifer to stay in Nick a few hours longer so they could share intimate moments before becoming one. Sam felt sick the first time his body and soul were one again afterwards because that had been his last solitary memory and it still felt true. When what he could remember of the cage returned, Sam actually puked because that memory felt stronger despite his body insisting that it was Lucifer who made him the broken man he was. That was when the hallucinations started. That one memory though was the strongest sealed door in his mind. Sigals, demon traps, any warding he could think of were on that door. No one would ever see that.

When Lucifer stopped, the answer shocked Sam. He blocked out the cage? After all he did to remember while still holding onto his sanity? Why? Sam took a breath and racked his brain, trying to find what he hid from himself. It hurt his mind, forcing him to his knees, but he fought. He needed to know! He felt like he was ripping his mind to shreds until he felt like he found something. It felt just as protected as the other memory, meant for no ones eyes. He dared to bring it to his mind’s eye, and the memories flooded.

Lucifer keeping him from Michael. Lucifer caring for him. Sam falling hard in love with Lucifer. Sam giving himself to the cold that kept out the burns. Sam feeling loved truly and completely. Intimacy. Romance. Safety. It all came back. Then the memory of being pulled away. His soul refusing to leave his beloved, not realizing Lucifer felt the same and clung on to Sam’s body. The burning rage of Michael losing his mortal enemy. The torture. The endless torture and attack. The madness Michael created to spurn Lucifer should Sam’s soul somehow make it out of the cage. Michael using Lucifer’s form to rip and tear at Sam’s soul to keep the kind memories from surfacing ever again. The final release given to the poor soul by Death. Death locking the memories, good and bad, away. The release of the bad memories, too strong to ignore enough to find the precious ones. Sam shoving it all away to keep himself strong, never to know that he lost something so dear.

Sam’s eyes opened to have his vision blurred by tears. Lucifer…. He took so much to just be here and see Sam once more. Sam shook as he tried to stand, needing his angel to know he remembered. He looked into the eyes of his angel and hugged him.

"My morningstar… I’m sorry….." he whispered as his few tears became sobs of joy.

[llucifallen]

            The last thing the Morningstar had expected was to be embraced by his former vessel, as if Lucifer was not the one to unintentionally drag Sam to hell with him, as if Lucifer was not the one who had once wanted to watch the world burn, Sam's own brother along with it. All of these thoughts and actions had been prior to Lucifer entering Sam's mind the first time, all of those years ago.

            He saw, inside of Sam, the goodness he always thought that humanity had been missing. There was no self righteous stench. There was selflessness, compassion, love for others more than himself. Just thinking back on it made the Devil want to smile and tell Sam just how proud he was, once again.

            That didn't change the fact that he was still the Devil. Lucifer was once the king of hell, and he would always be cold, no matter what he did. He would never be cuddly or cute- he was an angel. Angels were not domestic playthings. Sam's initial embrace was met with shock. Lucifer had to take a moment to close his eyes so he didn't shove the hunter off and away from him. They had only done this when they were One, two halves connected finally in the Cage. It felt... strange, and different, now that they were those two separate halves again.

            Sam's tears were beginning to soak down to Lucifer's own chilled skin. Lucifer hadn't even known Sam was crying until he felt the first wet drops leave his eyes and trail down his shoulder. Stiff arms moved up and around to return Sam's hug a bit awkwardly, like Lucifer himself was afraid that Sam would break from his touch, or perhaps like he forgot how to hug someone.

            "It's... It's okay, Sam Winchester," he murmured as soothing as he could. Sam was apologizing to him? Well... that was a first. No one had ever apologized to Lucifer, aside from the demon grunts he had no love for in the first place. There was a strange sensation in his chest when he hurt Sam utter those words. He was sorry.

            "I'm so glad that you remember, starshine." Lucifer breathed out a sigh and his arms tightened around his former vessel, his hunter, his boy. There'd be much more to tell Sam later on, when he could perhaps handle more of it, but he remembered that Lucifer would never hurt him. And that was good enough for the Devil.

            "I would appreciate it if you called off your brother, though," he managed to purr after pulling away, hands now resting on Sam's shoulders, holding him just far enough away to get a good look at him. "We don't need the older Winchester rushing in here and dousing me with holy fire, do we?"

[spliffed]