A new beginning. @lmorris0n - Tumblr Blog

I haven't been this happy in so long. I feel like myself again and it's honestly the greatest feeling ever. Just hanging out by myself, listening to music, doing the things that I enjoy.

How could I have forgotten that the answer to my happiness is right in front of my eyes. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE.

Duh Laura.

People who want to see you do well, will do whatever they can to make sure that it happens.

If this cat doesn't come back I will literally lose my mind. Noah's my pride and joy, literally all that I had left. He kept me going through the day, and I would always look forward to falling asleep on his fat furry body and waking up to him on my chest.

Please come back :( I need you

All I want is for baby Noah to come home :(

Why?

Why haven't you blocked my number and deleted me from your life? If you want to move on than why are you still allowing me to linger in your presence. It's almost like torture to me, because you know that I could never bring myself to erase you completely from my life.

I just don't understand. Why are things like this between us if that is not what you want and if that is what you want, why haven't you deleted me from your life.

Why?

I don't know why I keep thinking that while you're not talking to me, you're brainstorming some extravagant plan to win my heart back. I know that that is not what you're doing at all. You're all over other girls and drinking while you're not working.

It's foolish of me to have thoughts of "us", when I know that you are no longer willing to make any effort. Your choice is to take the easiest way out, which is walking away without a fight.

I don't know why I keep thinking that you'll randomly show up at my door to surprise me, or you'll ask your friends to help you with your plan. None of these actions will ever take place, or even be thought of; only in my own mind and thoughts.

I don't know why I keep doing this to myself, I know you will never come back and I know that there will never be an "us" again... ever.

It's getting harder and harder to tell myself that I don't miss you, that I don't need you, that I don't want you. I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to keep pretending.

I'm not sure if it's society that's fucked up, or if it's just me. It's probably just me. I seem to have all these odd views and perspectives that no one can ever relate to. My ability to over think any and every situation to the point where the possibilities that I have concluded have been over thought about, which is what destroys me.

It's like i'm living in my own little world, but slowly wasting away in my own thoughts. I can't escape anymore. I wish I could find someone that I could share my abnormal thoughts with, and not be judged.

Day Two

I don't really have much to say. My day was normal. I gave in and gave you my tumblr after telling myself I wouldn't talk to you. But it's only because I know that you like to read my journals, and I know that you want to check up on me without having to come back into my life. I know that you probably won't even bother to look at it, but who knows.. stranger things have happened before. I guess i'm doing okay.

I miss you, but that's nothing new. It gives me joy that I can wake up and fall asleep every night without crying. It gives me joy that there are things in life that I look forward to. But, I still miss you.. more than anything. All I really want is to just talk to you. I miss my best friend, I really do.

Nice guys and cuddles 👍

I find myself constantly wondering how you're doing. Not what you're doing, who you're doing or who you're talking to. It's just a constant thought in the back of my mind.

Are you happier without me? Do you even miss me? Are you doing/feeling okay? Do you read my tumblr? Do you think about me anymore ? Do you care about me? Do you care about us? Do you even care at all anymore? There are so many thoughts that haunt me.

Sometimes I wish I could talk to you, sometimes I wish that we could try to be friends. Sometimes I wish that in the future once we've had time to ourselves, that we can try again. But, I know that you don't want to be with me anymore and thoughts as such just create a false sense of hope.

Why do guys think it's okay to ask to hangout at my place or your place. If we've never hangout just you and I, or if I haven't talked to you in a long time, the last place I want to be is in my house with you.

Do you not realize that its quite obvious the only reason as to why you would want to hangout at a house is because there's a bed, in which males perceive their chances of getting laid are higher. What excitement is there in catching up at someones house?

No, if you want to hangout with a girl that you're interested in or that you haven't spoken to in a long time, take her out. Don't creep her out by asking if you can come over.

Seriously..

i just want someone to miss me

Even looking back at the posts that I have written a few days ago. My perspective, attitudes and emotions towards myself and life have changed, and even I myself can notice that. A positive outlook is the only way to achieve happiness. One step at a time, small baby steps and a constant reminder to smile will get me there in no time.

Day One

It was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. The urge give you a piece of what was on my mind was very strong. The temptation to let my heart pour out to you was very hard to resist. But, I'm glad that I did. After the initial rage that I felt, letting it subside was the best option. If it wasn't for Dave I more than likely would of followed through with my actions and regretted it later.

I can only assume that as the days go by it will get easier and easier, and the urge will be less tempting to resist. I don't know how strong I can be if you try to communicate to me, but we both know that will never happen.

I am starting to feel like my normal self again and I am quite pleased. So this is what it feels like to be happy with yourself, happy being alone, this is what it feels like to be content.

I know that I look very malnourished, but I'm finally happy. I will beat this, I know I can :)

After reading old messages from the beginning of our relationship, it made me realize that we have not had a real "relationship" in months. After things fell apart the first time, they were never mended properly and slowly everything eventually grew to nothing that can no longer be fixed. Reading the messages between you and I has opened my eyes that that is how I am supposed to be treated, and it has been way too long since there has been consistency within your actions and behaviours towards me in such manner. Realizing this should help me move on shouldn't it? But why does it provide me with false hope that maybe one day, you can become the same man that I fell in love with again. Why?

I am so proud of myself for completing college. The years flew by like it was nothing. I feel as if I am walking away with nothing but "regrets". I don't want to call them regrets, but I guess they are learning experiences. I made a lot of bad decisions in college and completely lost myself. There were many lessons learned and memories that will never be forgotten. But, all that I can say is that I am glad to be done and I am proud of myself for pulling through the last 2 years, even though at times they have been a struggle.

I walked away with nothing but memories of which I do not want to remember. It's pretty sad how forced the smile in this pictures is. I couldn't bring myself to be happy on such a celebratory day. I don't want to remember my time at Fanshawe, I just want to forget.

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A new beginning.