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i have made a bold decision at work that may warrant the spite of others and cost me a bit of my pride. For the opportunity of growth, i took a leap and swam the endless ocean that is unknown all the while being weighed down by anxiety. Without any knowledge of swimming, in the best form of paddling and flipping, i swim against the current of office politics and inadequacy, merely fueled by grit and eagerness to learn.

will I be able to swim my way up to the surface in victory or will I drown for dreaming against reality.

we'll find out

ganiyan talaga ang buhay

installed storygraph as soon as i discovered it rrom twitter. never once thought of tracking the books ive read, so im giving this a try.

what do i do with my 2025 drafts

a toxic environment is so hard to leave

lnntkk

still a loser at 26

lnntkk

i never celebrate my birthday.

but i do feel sad that one of the consequences of outgrowing friendships, or in the process of, is that your presence gradually and painfully fade from their lives. slowly, you're no longer a part of their present, and instead just become a memory of a company they once enjoyed.

i keep a small group of friends, with 2-3 closest friends from junior high school. we make sure we greet each other on our bdays. i never once made a big deal if they missed greeting me on my bday, but today i just had a realization.

i'm no longer remembered.

one of my closest friend is a fan of justine bieber, and she has made a mental note since that justine bieber and i share the same birthday. she never once missed greeting me before, but today she did. she remembered justine's bday, but not mine.

i did a little test on them by implicitly reminding them it was my bday, then their messages came.

i genuinely know this was inevitable and bound to happen. afterall, the past few years, i was no longer the first or one of the friends they confide to, or the first recipient of whatever chika. i became the second option, or the back up plan.

this is just something so trivial, but the realization just made me sad.

still a loser at 26

#2026

im an awful person when im honest

December 2024

A lot happened.

Im just 2 months old as an employee and i was informed by the agency that i have to resign with no explanation. I was devastated. I was confident that i did my job well as i have received positive feedback here and there. So why?

I was saving up to get myself a samsung tab FE to use for my review for the board exams. Heck, i havent completely paid the fee for the review center i recently enrolled in. I didnt know what to do. I had plans and thing didnt go well.

Few days later, when my principal in the company i was deployed at, reported to office and called for me to discuss certain matters. Turns out it was regarding my employment and it was, in hindsight, a good news.

Apparently, there was a vacant position in the company. My principal put in a good word for me to our Director and recommended me for the position. Given that this role is for direct hire employees of the company, i have to resign to the agency im currently employed (im a third party contractor) so that I can apply for the role.

Even though, the company is genuinely toxic in terms of workload, the employee benefits are miles better than the agency im working at. So it was still a good news to me, and resigned from the agency.

This Jan 2025, i will be officially starting a new role, with better pay and benefits. TyL.

#jrnl #pics #2024

November 2024

Im introverted, awful at dressing up, and hate crowds. But what can i do when im put in a situation where these unfortunate traits of mine are irrelevant?

It was the xxth anniversary of the company im working at and it was the wonderful idea of my principal to sign me up as an usher for such a big event (nationwide). With the organizational roles and authority in place, i had no choice but to say 'yes' when it was discussed with me.

I fairly remember that i have challenged myself, just a month ago, to not remain in my comfort zone. But can i instead ask for an exemption for this one? 😔

Of course, i cant.

So a week before the event, i was looking for dresses in shein & tiktok that fits the the theme bec im broke (it was a ball, i wanna cry). I had to crash course how to do my make up and never expected cosmetics was THAT techincal. This is an official event with executives invited, i cannot simply slap on cheek tint and put some false eyelashes like i did in my graduation. This time, i have to meet these people and guide them to their assigned seats etc. In short, i have to show my face and meet them.

But my greatest dilemma is my hair. My hair has always been a character of its own, like a weed, it always puts up a fight. I genuinely dont know what to do with my hair. I have never styled my hair since ive practically given up on taking care of it.

Suddenly it was the day of the event. I have tried to blowdry my hair for a more natural blowout look and put on the barest minimum make up with neutral shades being the only color on my face.

But a lot happened, when the Angkas arrived at the mall to make last minute purchsses, my eyeglasses broke when it fell as i took off my helmet. I had to get myself clear contact lenses, which btw, i cant wesr because i had a hard time putting it on. Already sought help from my fellow ushers and wasted 45 minutes of their time on me. So i navigated the event through blurry sights and gut feeling.

The next day, i went to carriedo to get a new pair of glasses. While waiting, i decided to go to binondo to reward myself. I wasnt able to take a photo of the tanghulu though

#jrnl #pics #2024

October 2024

Fresh grad and five-days-old as a corporate slave now im suddenly tasked to be in-charge of the flow and halloween design for our department. Needless to say, i was overwhelmed as fck.

Im still adjusting to my tasks given that there was no proper endorsement so i had to learn everything on my own.

Anyway, i know i can reach out for help for the design but im just so introverted. this is a bit challenging but i do see this as an opportunity for personal growth. After all, i cannot stay in my comfort zone forever.

#jrnl #pics #2024

September 2024

Im not sure if it was becuase of the pandemic or time simply flew too fast but here i am donned in my graduation gown. My college life was barely an actual chapter, i didnt get to enjoy it as much but still have met people that i am grateful of.

Although I was accompanied by my family, i was not in the brightest mood for an important day. After all, i have to spend the rest of the event calming my mind so i dont feel suffocated as much. Nevertheless, still blessed and grateful for an important chapter that has come to an end.

After the graduation, i barely got the chance to rot in bed and had to prepare all my documents after i got the call that i got the job.

Now, i'll be starting a new chapter walking the busy Ayala Avenue with a lot more in mind, from my personal finances, goals, and what comes after.

#jrnl #pics #2024