loathing my roommate

For all the stupid little shits she does that add up to one big ball of hate

[loathingmyroommate]

Hypocrisy thy name is room mate

So as you all know my roommate is a festering piece of space shit. Think... 

And I do my best to stay out of her way, at all costs. But this past weekend my boyfriend came to visit (for the first and only time this whole semester). Did my roommate kindly offer to to give us a semblance of privacy, considering her constant looming presence in our room? Nope! The little pissy rain cloud was there to stay. 

She never left the room. NEVER. She made brief excursions to the kitchen every once and a while to feed. Otherwise she remained in her customary state, blanket over head, eyes fixed on the computer screen, never moving, and the sourest face god ever gave to a lemon.

  So other than the fun intimate weekend we had planned before we are separated through travel and his field training, we played the where can we have the most privacy when forced into public. She did seem a bit put out when we dared to come into the room to sleep at night, but that is neither here nor there.

Despite the little troll, my boyfriend and I had a wonderful weekend together and I am riding that I’m in love high 

But today on Skype she not so subtle spoke about me, while I was in the room mind you. Some snips of the conversation = “She’s such a bitch...I think she is trying to Skype her boyfriend.... god... as if I didn’t have to deal with that enough this weekend”. Records scratch in my head, and at first I think I must be hearing wrong. But she continued to speak about “someone” in that vein. All I can think is a bitch says WHAT?

Oh I’m sorry, was it inconvenient for you that we tried to avoided you with the same skill set I use when asked about after college plans. Fast, to the point, and slightly uncomfortable for the little time it does last. We were stealthy as hell!

And for her who ... a. never leaves the room.

b. constantly skypes her two imaginary friends, without letting me know often when I am changing.

c. Is the most obnoxious douchenozzle, who feels it is her duty, nay her right to make me as uncomfortable in my own space as possible.  ... to dare to complain about me and my happiness boggles my mind. I have a ball of rage building in my stomach and it is all I can do to not yell in her dull dull face. If I were in any less control tonight would be the night bitches die 

Talk about me and my relationship again. I dare you roomie. 

[loathingmyroommate]

Preparedness Alert

For everyone's edification the reason the blog has been so silent was because of my attempt to turn the other cheek and ignore the buttmunching troll that lives in my spaces 24/7. This has been a difficult task to say the least 

BUTTTTTT she gone and done it now. She has pissed me off one to many times, the straw is officially broken as of tonight

And rather than dunk her tooth paste in the toilet or strangle her (all thoughts that I have cherished) I will return to this blog! Get ready tumblr, a shit storm of rants coming your way!

[loathingmyroommate]

Kimchinothankyou

My roommate has been campaigning for the role of school hermit since move in, and at this point I think she really has her hide-and-never-seek-human-contact down solid.

Her hermiting (yes, it is a verb in her case), other than her constant presence in our room, has never really bothered me. That is until last week. Her skills of hermiting have leaked into her basic survival instincts i.e. eating.

So in her attempt to culturally appropriate all things asian into her casper the friendly ghost white ass, she has been daily making/ microwaving a dish named kimchi. 

My first experience with her meal came on the tail end of a cruelly and abruptly stopped nap. She came into the room with the steaming bowl and my body began convulsively gagging.

My first thought was that a sewage pipe had burst somewhere in the complex.

It was hands down the most vile odor that has ever assaulted my nose, and there she sat stewing in the scents and her own addition of body odor. SHE WAS FOUL. She has repeated this behavior daily and now our poor room is stained in the smell. Dear roommate, 

[loathingmyroommate]

A lock or sock would be nice

I was walking home from an unexpectedly short class, with my innocence and love of the day fully intact

I come to the door of my room with a heart full of possibility, then I opened my door. What awaited me was an almost fully naked (sitting in only in her underwear and no bra)room mate, in front of her computer. For a good five seconds neither of us moved, she didn't try to cover and I stood blinking and attempting to process. 

and then the reality of her naked and blatantly sexy skype date set in, I ran out of the room like

I need to go take a long hard look at my life and the choices that led me to this terrible terrible moment, also a very long shower

[loathingmyroommate]

Washing your laundry with my tears

So I was having a pretty rough night, head explodingly rough, where everything that could go wrong did go wrong 

THE SHIT HIT THE FAN GUYS

So I reacted as an mature adult would... with tears and self pity 

Halfway through my sob fest my roommate walks in and begins to sigh when she sees the state I am in (as of course my tears are only there to inconvenience her). She then proceeds to ask if I can go somewhere else to cry because she has a lot of studying to do. I want to say,

But instead I walk sadly in the night, to find myself crying in a laundry room. But hey at least the running water and clean smells disguised my sorrow. 

TO my roommate you inconsiderate ass 

(p.s. yaaaa for themed gif story)

[loathingmyroommate]

The Joy of Carrots

I hunkered down on my bed this afternoon to edit a paper and eat some lunch. She was listening to her Japanese pop music when I opened my magical bag of Carrots and began to munch

I then began to notice her none too subtle sighs and pointed looks. I was then really clued in when she asked "how much louder can you be?" It was at this moment a strange and wonderful (and also crazy, I'll admit it) joy rose inside my heart. I could irk her in this one moment as much as she irks me. It was at that moment I chewed with a reckless abandon I had never before known. 

Never have carrots tasted so good!

[loathingmyroommate]

Not the sun

When I come home from a Friday night of somewhat heavy drinking at 3 and head to bed, only to be woken at 8:30 by the giant overhead lights and blinds being open. 

all I can do is hisss "not the day star" as my retinas burn out 

why, roommate, whyyy 

[loathingmyroommate]

Fort Knox (our room)

She seems to have a compulsive need to keep the door to our room shut, maybe to keep in all the subtle animosity

[loathingmyroommate]

Secondhand Skype

My roommate is never off Skype, never. So I am forced to listen to her very loud and awkward conversations everyday

But today is particularly painful because she is flirting and it is tanking. Hard. And each failed pick up line hurts my soul a little more

For the love of all that is holy 

[loathingmyroommate]

Don't mind me, I'm apparently a ghost

My roommate and I have this special unspoken agreement in that we don't acknowledge the other persons existence (within the space of a cramped dorm room). We don't talk, nod, or give any indication, because that's how she likes it. So this is me coming into the room 

[loathingmyroommate]

Air conditioning

Me begging her to put the air conditioning on low should not constitute her wearing passive aggressive gloves and a hood in the room

[loathingmyroommate]

Here's the story

So last year I had a roommate I adored 

But she got sick and had to withdraw for the semester (and get taken out of the housing lottery)

But my other four lovely roommates and I decided to keep the room open for her for when she got back 

But then fate/housing took a huge dump on that and gave the space to a random (and come to find out very annoying) stranger 

Soooo now I am stuck living with this person for a whole year 

 enjoy my rants cyber world, enjoy :)