There Is Virtue In Sin

I wish to live not survive

[lobotimizedlavender]

I feel numb. Dumb. And like a cuck. Wow. I hate myself.

[lobotimizedlavender]

I FUCKING HATE MY MOTHER.

I hate the way she speaks

The way she thinks

They way she ACTS

Sometimes I swear she’s an abhorrent fuxking monster

[lobotimizedlavender]

If I could I would.

With the ringing in my eyes

And constant ache to my heart

Nothing feels real except this sadness

So if I could, I would.

I would be happy.

But instead I want to end.

[remanence-of-love]

[praying]

[skankhunt44]

[lobotimizedlavender]

If I told you I missed you

Would you laugh at me

Or say you missed me too?

If I whispered it

Would you lean into me

Or take a step back?

If I mumbled it

Would you tell me to speak up

Or kiss it out of me?

What if I yelled the phase?

Would you feel it then

Or still tell me you felt nothing at all?

[lobotimizedlavender]

I have to stop asking for her; begging for her to be in my life

She’s moved on; she doesn’t care

So why do I?

Why do I care for someone who wouldn’t care if I lived or died….

[lobotimizedlavender]

The days have stretched into weeks, months, and years

The seconds which felt like eons have stretched on infinitely

I feel my soul ache for you. The cord around my heart is immobilizing

My lungs work fine but I still can’t manage to catch my breath

After all these years I’m still just waiting to hear your voice again

[lobotimizedlavender]

I find myself so quickly turning to my negative thoughts

and missing the opportunity to stay present, stay within the moment and just live it

but I to remind myself to feel the feelings and let them pass

so I can focus on continue living the next moment for what it is

instead of of what I want it to be

And hopefully with time nothing will raise my anger

or my fear, or my arrogance, or my bad habits I’ve hard to change

Not you nor her will love me the way I deserve to be loved

The art of learning to love is a journey for one no matter how you do it

[catchymemes]

[gulistan-blog]

㋡⠀🥀

[catchymemes]

[diedhigh]

[thefilmhoardersdiary]

[danger]

[lobotimizedlavender]

It’s strange..

Knowing you’ll never know just how much I loved you

How every gesture; every act of service was my expression of love

YOU FUCKING USED ME

Made me feel loved

But talked 💩 behind me back

Broke me heart and my wallet.

Fuck you!

Fuck him!

Fuck every thing I ever did for you!