Understanding his orgasm is a very important aspect of an FLR, be it a D/s FLR or a Vanilla FLR. Lessons 8 and 17 both touched on this subject for a vanilla FLR, and the importance of denying him orgasm until she is ready to allow for it. This lesson is going to look deeper at his orgasm, and the different types of orgasms he is capable of. Now that we understand the battle raging within him, between his ego, and his submissive desire, mentioned in lesson 28, it’s time to understand where his arousal comes into play.
Ego driven arousal, tends to lead to a frustrated horny submissive male. Submissive desire driven arousal, tends to lead to a dedicated horny submissive male. And more often than not, he is somewhere between the two. She can use this to her advantage and help train him to her needs, using his own arousal against him. There is a practice known as orgasm denial, and it’s an extremely common practice used in a D/s relationship be it female led, or male led. Orgasm denial is a very powerful practice for enhancing the D/s aspect, and it is often the only kink many couples ever venture into, because its so powerful for both of them, that it’s all they need.
As a D/s FLR progresses, she is going to notice, that when he has an ejaculatory orgasm, he goes through a refractory period, his submissive desire drops off the map, he may not even want to be touched, his need for intimacy disappears. His passion is gone, in a conventional relationship, it’s known as being spent. This total drop in libido, desire, passion, intimacy, and submission, is considered normal and it can take him anywhere between 2 hours and a week to fully recover.
In a D/s FLR this is whats known as “sub drop” and it’s important to be aware of because the unexpected change in power dynamics directly after his ejaculation, hits suddenly, and it can cause emotional hardship. So it is important that she is aware of this refractory period that he experiences and take it into account before she allows him to have a full release ejaculation. This way she can be supportive of him, without being dominant, she can still be his leader, but the domination factor has to cool off temporarily because he won’t respond well to it.
The longer she decides to keep him denied between full releases, the stronger his ejaculations will be, each release will be mind blowing for him. However, more often than not, the stronger his orgasm, the stronger the refractory period. He may notice, that on top of his libido and submission dropping away, he actually feels down, maybe even slightly depressed, empty, drained, as if he gave up something.
All of his sexual feelings will have disappeared, and the state of being remaining without libido, feels dull and boring. This is why so many submissive males, fall in love with being denied orgasm, because as long as he is denied, he never has to experience that. He discovers, over time, that denial and being horny, is a preferred state of being. He typically will not be able stay in that state, due to weak will power, without her, and he knows it, creating a deep need for her.
She can work with this to cater to her own needs, and use his submissive desire through this and he will fall more and more in love with her as a result. Full release orgasms are extremely pleasurable for him, and he will always crave one, while also wishing to be denied one. This is the classic tug of war between his frustrated ego driven libido, and his dedicated submissive desire. This enables her to offer the possibility of a full release, perhaps if he is good. It can be a lot of fun to play with this in a variety of ways through D/s.
If she doesn’t feel like giving him a full release, but still wants to play with him, and tease him, and make him more frustrated there are other kinds of orgasms she may give him. She understands, that by teasing him, and bringing him to extreme arousal, his submissive desire increases exponentially as does her power. So teasing him can be incredibly arousing for her as well, not to mention fun.
She may decide to tie his hands to the bed, and simply be sensual with him, and bring him to the edge of orgasm. She will learn a lot of things about him while doing this, including discovering that communication is more non-verbal than it is verbal. She will begin to discover the signs his body makes, when he is getting close to the edge. It can take a bit of practice to notice the subtle signs, such as, his abs tensing, or his breathing quickening, his toes may curl, his genitals will darken… Individual signs for each male.
As she gets to know these signs, she will develop intuition on when to stop stimulating him. She can do this for as long as she likes and drive him wild in horny frustration/pleasure. If chastity play is involved, she may decide to re-lock him without any release at all, making for a very submissive frustrated male.
If she does decide to give him a release, she can give him what’s known as a ruined orgasm. A ruined orgasm is one where she monitors his body very carefully, and allows him to go over the point of no return. The point of no return is when ejaculation is going to happen, and there’s nothing that can stop it. She can communicate with her submissive and have him tell her when he is getting close to this point. From there, she must read the signs, and instead of stimulating him over the edge, she brings him right to the edge, and then stimulates him just enough, to tip him over it.
If done correctly, there may be a few seconds delay, and then his semen will begin to dribble out, giving him a ruined orgasm. A ruined orgasm is much less pleasurable than a full release one. He will still feel it, but it will be more of a tease, like he’s about to have an orgasm, but he just can’t quite make it happen.
Afterward, he will feel less pressure, he will feel a little bit of sexual release, but his general horny and submissive desires will remain intact. The refractory period is significantly reduced if not eliminated entirely, and he will still have ejaculated, keeping the D/s aspect fully intact. This is often the preferred method of orgasm for him in an FLR, as he still get a tremendous amount of pleasure from it, and she has a lot of fun, it’s very intimate.
He is capable of another kind of orgasm, but it requires a slightly more open minded or kinky D/s couple. All men have a prostate. The prostate is stimulated through anal play. For the more adventurous D/s FLR couple, anal play will likely become a normal experience. Using toys such as a butt plug on a submissive male, can greatly increase his submissive desire and sexual arousal.
Since there is something penetrating him, he feels vulnerable, and vulnerability is always arousing to a submissive. The feeling of being violated with every step, or the fullness feeling it brings him, humbles him. Butt plugs can often be used as a way of pleasurable punishment. She may decide to make him sleep with one in, or go to work with one, and there can be various sizes from comfortable to uncomfortable, giving her options. A butt plug or a strap on can both be used to stimulate the prostate.
If he relaxes enough, he can experience a prostate orgasm through anal stimulation. There are three different types of orgasms associated with stimulating the prostate. One of these orgasms, is commonly called the super-O, because it causes an ejaculatory orgasm with a far greater amount of semen than usual, since it drains the prostate entirely. This type of orgasm will drain him completely, and sometimes the refractory period from this orgasm, is lesser than a regular full release, because his prostate often radiates pleasure through his entire body, leaving him with a body high.
A super-O is typically done with penis stimulation after his prostate has been stimulated into pleasurable sensations. It can take a while for the prostate to feel pleasurable from stimulation, typically he needs to relax and let it happen, putting him into a very submissive state. His erection will disappear for a while, but once the prostate pleasure starts it will come back. If both are stimulated when it does come back, the climax can deliver out of this world shattering orgasms. I would imagine he would have to be a very good submissive for her to give him one of these.
The second type of prostate orgasm, is a dry one. These orgasms can also be very intense, but since there is no penis stimulation at all, there is no refractory period, and no semen. These orgasms typically come from the acceptance, and being humbled by, being taken with a strap on. Accepting the power exchange, and surrendering completely to being taken by her. This can often become the new sex for him, and he can begin to crave dry prostate orgasms as a replacement for a regular full release, especially when a full release is rare. She may decide to take him this way at any time, and since he is kept in a submissive state fueled by his own arousal, he will be quite happy to submit to her for this, even if it makes him feel vulnerable, the D/s dynamics here can be played with to a variety of degrees. In one degree, it could be a way of feminizing him, in another degree, she could simply become a strict mistress. It all depends on her style as mentioned in previous lessons.
The third type of prostate orgasm, is what’s known on the internet, as a sissygasm. This type of orgasm requires direct anal stimulation of the prostate, repetitively, with no stimulation of the penis whatsoever, until the prostate releases its fluids and he ejaculates hands free. Often, this is done with him wearing a chastity device the entire time, keeping him in a submissive state all the way through it, even if he drops his libido for a while, his submissive desire, is more powerful than his ego, and he remains submissive even without libido. This is typically for more advanced D/s FLRs, and many never need to go this far. But it can be comforting for her to know, that as the relationship progresses, there are different kinds of orgasms she can give him, that suit their relationship, and her style.
Lastly, there is a way to make him ejaculate without an orgasm at all. This is known as milking. If she wishes to deny him for extended periods of time, without giving him any orgasmic release whatsoever, she can still keep him healthy through milking him. This will drain his sexual fluids, taking a bit of the pressure off, but there will be no refractory period, and his submission and libido will remain fully intact. To milk him, the prostate must be stimulated in a very specific way, and the first time can take a little while, but it will get easier with him, especially if his prostate is full. She can use a finger, or a smaller device, to gently apply pressure on the prostate, and ignore his penis. Since there is little friction, and only gentle pressure, there is no pleasure, it may in fact be uncomfortable, and he will feel like he needs to pee. Soon, fluid will begin to drip out of his flaccid penis and she can continue this until he is dry. There should be no pain, and no pleasure, just a light discomfort sensation of being drained. Then his denial continues.
Orgasm control, and orgasm denial, can be a huge aspect of a D/s FLR. The amount of power it gives her, the level of submission it takes him, can be an incredible aspect between them. Determining what he gets, when he gets it, and having fun with it in the process is what makes an FLR so much fun and intimate. It can often be the only kink necessary, there often isn’t a need for anything beyond it, because it can be that fulfilling and exciting for both partners. Especially when his orgasm is entirely based on the quality of orgasms he gives her. It makes for a dedicated submissive to her pleasure.
In the end, her pleasure will be the focus, and she can bring him so deep into submission, that he will actually be able to feel her orgasms, through his body. She orgasms for the both of them. Known as a tantric orgasm, the ultimate orgasm of an FLR. The D/s dynamics can get that interesting!
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