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@logan-docherty
"If you really think you can handle it, then you are on. I am pretty sure, though, that youâre going to be embarrassed and disappointed. You will get well acquainted with licking your own wounds."
"Where does all this confidence come from, anyway?" Logan smirked, crossing his arms. "You've never seen me eat. How do you know you're not being lured into an unbeatable competition?"
Her breath caught and she nodded jerkily as her body seemed to cave in on itself. Maybe she had been too forward. Shaking her head in response to his question, the brunette brought her arms up to cross over her chest. Suddenly self-conscious, she smiled weakly. âDonât apologise.â Were the words that the brunette repeated. Licking her lips that felt so dry out of no where, Juliette let out a nervous laugh. What she wanted to say was that they were both fucked up, but her mouth instead formed the words, âcan I justâŠ?â Her question hung unfinished in the air as her arms raised and came to wrap loosely around him. With her face in the hollow space between his neck nd his shoulder, Juliette felt some rush of comfort. It wasnât enough to fight off the feeling overwhelming her, but it was enough to start to distract her. âIs this okay?â Her question was muffled by the cloth of his shirt and part of her hoped he hadnât heard.
The instant her arms wrapped around him, Logan stopped breathing. And in an even more crushing way than the usual 'my-lungs-are-useless-and-I'm-dying' sort.  But it felt - it felt so good. Instinctively, his own arms surrounded her. Careful not hurt her, not to make her uncomfortable but with a tight grip. Logan was choking up. When was the last time he'd been held, last time he'd held someone? Was it sad - pathetic - that he couldn't remember? But he could remember the last time he'd been comforted. In a hospital, a nurse - a stranger - muttering caring but ultimately meaningless words. Nothing like now. A hallway in the middle of the night and he was being hugged by someone he genuinely cared about, genuinely liked. For the first time in an eternity, Logan wasn't alone. Answering her question seemed almost silly with that in mind, but the words still slipped past his lips - soft, quiet and so, so true. "It's perfect." He was pretty sure she would be able to hear the tears in his voice.
Noel raised his eyebrows as his grin grew wider. âYour words of a challenge. Not mine.â He shrugged nonchalantly and let out a careless laugh. âI donât lose though. I donât plan to lose either. You are going down.â
Disbelievingly, Logan imitated the other's gesture and stepped closer. He scoffed, but it was playful and a small smile was on his lips. "Then I feel like you should get prepared for some bitter disappointment. I will win, period."
Her lips felt suddenly dry and the brunette found herself shaking her head, almost violently, in protest. âI wonât leave you.â She wanted to add if you donât want me to, but for some reason couldnât form the words. Seeing him sad didnât help her inability to perk up, didnât help the sorrow engulfing her making everything grey and worthless and desolate to her crystal blue eyes. Following his movements with those eyes, Julietteâs brow furrowed as her hands came up to lay gently on his jaw. Her thumb moved across his cheek to catch the tear.âHey,â she murmured softly, carefully, âdonât cry. You shouldnât be crying.â Her throat felt choked up the more she poke and though she had her own tears, Juliette didnât want him to cry. âDonât apologise. You havenât done anything. I like you being around me, Iâm just⊠a little upset. Itâs not as bad as it could be. Iâll get over it. Cheer up. For me?â
It was a one time thing, he thought. He would never break like this again, never let someone cry for him again. It was the only thing Logan could tell himself to soothe the guilt in his heart, the pain in his head. And it worked, if only for a little while. But even with his hypnotizing and tempting mantras, it wasn't in his nature to be selfish for long or - more accurately - it wasn't in his nature to burden people. His body felt far too heavy, but he managed to move away from Juliette's  hand and wipe at his eye. Logan hoped it wasn't obvious how much he instantly missed the warmth of her touch. " What - What am I doing?" He laughed shakily, tears still stinging his eyes. But he really wanted to be happy, truly wanted to smile. And for her, he did. Laughing as brightly as he could, "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. Just...," he breathed in, "had a rough night? But you did too and I...ugh...I'm sorry." Logan couldn't really help the surge of disgust he felt for himself.
"A packet of cookies? I think I can manage a packet of cookies." Noel rolled his eyes good-naturedly as his hands found solace deep in his pockets. "You sure you can handle it? You donât look like youâd be able to. I donât think I believe that you could."
"Good. Because I am hungry, just so you know." Logan let out a soft chuckle and crossed his arms, looking up towards the sky. But the instant Noel's words registered, a look of disbelief crossed his face. "Are you - Are you challenging me? Because if you are, be prepared to lose."
"And what do you consider good? Because I may differ in opinions. What if I like things that are spicy and you canât stomach them?"
"That's your problem, I'm afraid." Logan tried to maintain a serious face, looking at Noel. But it wasn't long before a grin was slipping and he rolled his eyes. "Look, man, you could buy me a packet of cookies and it'd be okay. It really doesn't matter."
" - And for the record, I can handle spicy food perfectly, thank you very much."
Well well wellâŠ.
Uh...what is it?
"Sorry. Itâs a uhm, a force of habit." He smiled nervously and gestured vaguely as he spoke, "That makes me feel much better. So what can I do?"
For a second, he considered telling Noel to do whatever he wanted. But he supposed that was bit mean. Better to just play along. "Buy me something to eat, yes? Something good or else you'll still be in debt."
She swallowed thickly, vainly wishing it were so easy to swallow the feeling enveloping her. No one saw her like this and all she could hear was her motherâs voice telling her that this was improper. As much as she didnât want to care, as much as she wanted to be free, Juliette had to admit that she was still shackled to her past. All those rules were still imprinted upon her and to some degree, she let them control her. Her dead blue eyes watched him as he moved and she wanted to say something, wanted to be happy and sweet to him, but the overwhelming urge to cry was taking over. âIâm sorry Iâm like this.â Her throat felt constricted and hot tears burned her eyes as she blinked them away. âI should      I can leave you alone.â
As the words she spoke registered, Logan's head snapped up. The feeling that filled his chest was crushing, terryfying     and tragically familiar. Without him meaning to, he reached out to her, trembling and afraid. "Please...please don't." Even he was surprised at the sound of his voice, so broken and small. He sounded like a child. Then again, Logan wasn't usually able to speak when he felt like this - either because he was too weak to do so or because there was no one around to listen.He wasn't that weak now and he certainly didn't want it to become the latter. Yet, despite his desperation, he was still himself. "...Unless you want to be alone. Because I can go too." Logan hesitated for a split second, before he walked to stand directly in front of Juliette. He crouched down, looking at her eyes and smiling despite the tears that were about to fall. A sad expression, but soft nonetheless. "It's not your fault. At all." For a second, he almost touched her. "I'm the one who's acting strange. I'm the one who needs to apologize." Against his will, a tear trailed down his cheek. "I'm sorry, Julie."
"Shit, well Iâll have to do something to make it up. lâll⊠make it up to you somehow. No really. I feel bad. I insist."
"You're being ridiculous, you know? I'm not hurt." He sighed, rolling his eyes. "But if it will give you peace of mind, go ahead. Do whatever you want."
Juliette tried, she really did, but there was pressure sitting on her chest that made the woman want to get up and leave and find something to distract the feeling. âWeâre one in the same.â She replied, tone hollow and normally bright personality around him lackluster and dull. This was hard. Juliette fidgeted in her awkward state, wanting to be alone, but at the same time happy he was here becaue he was prolonging her inevitable break down. Just a little longer was enough for her though. To be put together for just those few extra seconds was enough. She was grateful to an extent, but she didnât want to be judged. âIt sounds good. Really.â
"It's okay, I guess." The conversation was strange. Logan was already getting lost in what they were talking about, because it seemed that the both of them were just replying mindlessly - desperately attempting to fill the silence. But he didn't know what else to say. He didn't dare make questions because he didn't want to answer them himself. Every comment, every phrase he could think of felt wrong. For Logan, who always tried to surround himself with cheer, the atmosphere was starting to become suffocating. "I'm sorry, I just..." He stood up hastily and strode to the nearest window. Opening it without a second thought, Logan took a deep breath of cold air. The iciness would only make things worse but he could care less at the moment. "...needed some fresh air, that's all."
Noel let out a nervous laugh and scratched the back of his neck. âIâm sorry. I didnât even realise. Are you okay?â
"You may have caused some permanent damage," he laughed, jokingly rubbing his shoulder, "but I'm not holding it against you. You're forgiven."
What brought her here? The question was a valid one that she didnât have an answer to. A shrug of her slender shoulders was all the girl could manage for the longest moments. âMy legs.â She tried to joke though there was no humour behind it. this felt like death. A deathless death. Her mind, her body, her will, it was all gone. There was only a shell of a person and it was hard for her to fake it. She just wanted something to make it okay. âI donât know. I guess I forced myself to leave my room.â
It was a good answer - better than whatever he may have said. Honest. Logan went along with it and laughed, very softly, to himself. And although it was barely anything, it felt good to smile. It always had. "You and I both. I couldn't breathe in there." Literally. The handkerchief crumpled in his hand, away from the young lady's eyes, weighed heavily in his hand. Logan didn't have to look to see the red - a mark of how fast time flew, how things hadn't changed all that much. It was almost too cruel. "But I can now so...yeah, that's good."
Logan. She caught his face and the look in his eyes before she had shot off again down the hallway. What she hadnât been expecting was the fact that he had followed her. She was faster than he was, much faster, but his voice had a tone in it that she wasnât expecting. The concern was a slap in the face; a bucket of cold water on her head. âWhat do you want, Logan?â she exclaimed, skidding to a halt and turning around to face him.
A voice in the back of Logan's head was scolding him, telling him that he was being reckless and irresponsible. The same voice that had said leaving his parents wasn't a good idea, that smoking was stupid and that he should go to his check-ups more often. Sometimes wrong, sometimes right. He wasn't really sure which one it was this time and honestly, it didn't really matter anyway. He never listened. "To know what's wrong. You don't just ram into people and rush away in panic." His sentences were choppy as Logan tried to catch his breath. To think that such a short run would do this...He was eternally grateful Alice had decided to stop.
Looking up, Juliette tried to keep the dread well hidden from her expression. She tried to force a smile, tried to force her body to look okay and be okay, but all she could manage was a desolate stare. âHi, Logan.â She mumbled, her gaze falling to the floor. It was hard to voice that she didnât want him there. Embarrassment mixed with that hopeless feeling to wash over her skin and coat it with the emotions that drove the brunette mad.
"Juliette." He nodded in her direction, ghost of a smile lingering on his lips. It was unfortunate, he decided, to have met someone in this state - humorless, with a tinge of bitterness that wouldn't leave his mouth. But he didn't want to be alone. He couldn't be, after last time. Logan decided to ignore the outside signs, just this once - the social cues he'd gotten so good at understanding - and be a little bit selfish. Maybe he'd repay for that sometime. "What brings you here?"
"Iâm sorry, I wasnât paying attention. Sorry. Uhm⊠what? Why are you staring at me?"
"Because you bumped into me, probably. But - no worries - I'll look away now."
It was happening again. She could feel it. It was that slow descend of her mood that happened in sleep and she woke up feeling as the lowest of lows. It was clawing inside of her, tearing at her insides and making every happy thought impossible. Her mind told her not again, but it also told her that nothing was worth it. She didnât want to move, she didnât want to talk to anyone, she just wanted to sit and let the feeling take over, but when she did Juliette became unlike herself.
Logan knew he wouldn't be able to sleep that night, not anymore. He had been roughly awakened by blood and tears and coughing and although he was alright now - at least physically - the sinking feeling in his chest didn't go away. It was happening again. He was going to die again. The realization wasn't a new one, it was a certainty he'd carried for years. But it came and went, hurting just as much every time. Looking for a breath outside of that suddenly smaller room, that's when he saw her. Quietly, he sat beside Juliet and kept a careful distance. "Hey."
