Logan’s Journal

[Private property of Logan L. Brian.] • • • • • This is a story told through two diaries, Logan’s and Patton’s. This is a human AU. @patton-m-hart for Patton’s diary. • I apologise, this is discontinued.

[logan-l-brian]

Entry No.24, 31/10/19

I think my parents read through my journal...

L.B

[logan-l-brian]

Entry No.23, 23/10/19

My parents are being unbearably quiet. I thought I would appreciate it if they shut up for once in their lives, but I know this can not be a good sign. I can’t for the life of me deliberate why they are behaving so strangely.

L.B

[logan-l-brian]

Entry No.20, 22/10/19

I must have misplaced the journal while unpacking my suitcase, but I have found it now to no harm done.

Finally, I got a chance to investigate Mr.Fell’s bookshop. He has the most extraordinary collection which he’s very protective over for very good reason. He seemed very tense but I assured him I was only looking and that seemed to smooth him. I got a little side tracked and ended up reading one of his books back to back before I even realised.

Mr. Fell properly introduced me to his husband while I was there. It was nice to see an older gay couple too, so happy and content. Especially whom have not given up their faith. (well, Anthony seemed to beleive but not necessarily have faith, saying, “She has a questionable management system.” Whatever that means). It gave me hope that maybe I can get through to my parents eventually.

L.B

[logan-l-brian]

Entry No.19, 6/10/19

He was so heartbroken I can not attend his annual Halloween party. I know it is important to him.

I still have to visit my parents. I have already booked the flight tickets, not that I ever wanted to go. Simply, I had booked the tickets before the anxiety that is slowly settling in could stop me. Not going I imagine will have a far worse outcome than staying. Especially without a viable excuse.

At least I will be able to visit Mr.Fell’s bookshop.

I’m sorry, Patton...

L.B

[logan-l-brian]

Entry No.18, 4/10/19

My parents have invited, or rather, demanded me to visit claiming I have been gone far too long (which is a ridiculous statement. It has been hardly three months), and they expect me there in two weeks. I don’t know what the occasion is. I had been planning to visit in November for thanksgiving, and my parents have never been fond of Halloween but Patton does.

I can already feel how suffocating it will be. My parents have insufferably old fashioned ways of thinking.

L.B

[logan-l-brian]

Entry No.17, 3/10/19

Patton is much more enthusiastic about Halloween than I anticipated. I mean, I knew he would be Halloween crazy. He has been making Halloween themed puns for the previous two months, but this level of excitement is just something I did not think anybody was capable of. It is infectious, and nothing short of precious, honestly. His smile was almost bright enough to burn my retina. That would be the best way to go blind.

L.B

[logan-l-brian]

Entry No.16, 22/9/19

During my latest sleep cycle, I had a particularly peculiar dream. Normally, I do not remember any occurrences during my REM sleepwhich leads me to believe it possibly has some importance.

Yet I doubt ducks riding flying sharks have any meaningful significance.

L.B

[logan-l-brian]

Entry No.15, 20/9/19

Patton and I had a an interesting debate today. I rather embarrassed myself, as I seem to do quite frequently in Patton’s presence, when he made an argument I simply could not form a rebuttal against.

I had never considered before that he would be a worthy debating partner. Now with foresight, I should have expected that from him. He has defied my expectations countless times before, and I fa grow a greater appreciation for his companship whenever it occurs.

L.B

[logan-l-brian]

Entry No.14, 6/9/19

A rather peculiar couple revisited the library today. One went by Mr.Fell, but I didn’t quite catch his partner’s name. Though, I am certain it began with a “C”. He had a rather interesting choice in eyeware.

Mr.Fell was awfully kind. I have never met anyone else who is as much of a book enthusiast as I am. He talked of his bookshop back in London.

I think I will pay a visit next time I visit mother and father.

L.B

[logan-l-brian]

Entry No.13, 27/8/19

I wish I had way of recording these feelings properly. Accurately. However, I can never find the words. How could I when I can barely grasp the concept, never mind truely understand it. It’s not some flower I can labor every part of along with their function. While certainly, if it were translated into a tangible object, it would resemble that of a flower.

I want to always remember the exact sensation of. Perhaps I should try regardless. I do appreciate poetry, but I am not one for writing it myself.

Not to today, though. I doubt the memory will slip away from me so soon. Nothing so profound ever could.

God, I sound like that loud mouthed friend of Patton’s. The mere thought of him makes that hideous headache he gave me relapse.

L.B

[logan-l-brian]

Entry No.12, 19/8/19

It has come to my attention that as a reaction to a series of incidents, some buried feelings of mine have resurfaced. My brain, sleep deprived, was not functing well enough to deduct this. Only after getting my sleep back together, following Patton’s advice, did I have the cognitive ability to deduce this.

These affections are a nesiance, yet I can’t bring myself to once again repress them.

Patton does not like it when I “bottle” my emotions, after all.

L.B

[logan-l-brian]

Entry No.11, 17/8/19

The only feelings my body is able to process at this given moment do not include being sure that there are in fact bones in my body not just jelly and butterflies.

Why is Patton such a pretty, handsome angel? Answer me universe!

Enough said.

L.B

[logan-l-brian]

Entry No.10, 13/8/19

Patton introduced me to one of his...lovely friends. His best friend if I recall properly. His presence was not quite as pleasant as Patton’s. His shouting gave me quite the headache as well, as the other library inhabitants, I imagine.

I am not boring, am I?

As far as my understanding goes, friends tend to share similar opinions as they otherwise would not continued to be acquaint with each other as differing opinions can lead to an excess of disagreements or arguments.

Does this mean Patton also thinks of me as boring? Perhaps I should leave him be during his library visits?

L.B

[logan-l-brian]

Entry No._9, 8/8/19

I found Patton’s missing pen. I know I should inform Patton and return his possession, but I have the strange impulse to keep the item. While it admittedly is not my taste [it reflects Patton’s personality quite charmingly], the pen writes exceedingly more smoothly than my own and it is quicker to write with.

I will give it back eventually.

L.B

[logan-l-brian]

Entry No._8, 31/7/19

I’m losing sleep rapidly. My sleeping schedule stopped existing. I just keep thinking of Patton all the time. And I dont know why. He’s just so pretty and amazing and his hands are so soft & I keep making a fool of myself & hes so cute & so handsome—————————

[logan-l-brian]

Entry No. _7, 26/7/19

Today, I finally apologised properly to Patton for my inexcusable behaviour. I attempted to apologise for my cold behaviour servers times, but every time my mind went blank, my throat closed up, and my face was burning to hot to focus on anything else.

I fear my ineptitude to form a coherent arangment of words earlier has lead Patton to believe unfavourable ideas. Specifically, of my opinion of him.

He immediately tried to apologise in return when it was no fault of his own, only mine. I did my best to reassure him.

I’m an idiot. I don’t know how I let this happen.

L.B

[logan-l-brian]

Entry No._6, 22/7/19

My body exhausted itself despite proper nutrition yesterday. Effectively, I fell asleep before writing an entry. I planned to do the same today, but it seems I can not sleep, so I am writing in the meek hope it will help.

I avoided Patton out of shame both yesterday and today. Guilt is eating away at me. As far as I am aware, Patton is very fond of social interaction, yet he doesn’t aprouch new people often. He prefers a person who he can reliably confide in without the anxiety that said person is disinterested in his winsome rambles. He apears to have found such qualities in me, and I am flattered he trusts me.

But I’m letting him down now. I don’t know what to do with myself.

L.B