jealousy eats away at me when I see the two of them. so loving and understanding of each other.
it's not fair. I'll never have it right.

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@lolalovebot
jealousy eats away at me when I see the two of them. so loving and understanding of each other.
it's not fair. I'll never have it right.
my period is coming
Am I predispositioned to having it the hard way? am i really my parents child? will i grow up to be exactly what they are made of?
i am once again comparing myself to the people around me, and the lives lived before me, and thinking... "what about me?"
my friends have gotten into a relationship. its so sweet and wholesome, knowing that they had been wanting it for a while. They're working through their problems together and growing together. wrapping around each other like vines.
id be lying if i said I wasn't jealous. If I wasn't saying.. "what about me?"
ive been playing a game of pouring my heart out and waiting. waiting for a message i wont receive, or a call that wont come. waiting for a man that will give me nothing in the end.
it feels all too familiar to me. i feel like a little girl, waiting for her dad to show. hoping, praying, telling myself that he'll stop by over and over, until I started to believe it.
i should know by now that its not true. i take a step back, and have to remind myself why i am not a girl that hopes.
the last time i had trusted a man like that, i had no other choice but to cut that feeling out of myself. to return to the cave that once belonged to a child version of me, and force myself to sit in there. not to let men in until i felt it was right
but I'm starting to believe it will never be right. i will never have it easy, or sweet and wholesome. i dont think i would trust it if it came to me with open arms. ive never had it easy, why would love ever be easy?
why would someone like me ever have it easy.
hello my little girlie blog! long time no see. ive been writing alot in my journals, but i miss the concept of "girlblogging" and how tumblr girl 2014 it feels LOL
so much has changed for me, i wish i could copy & paste the last couple of months of brain slop onto my blog
i also wish there was a way to just do all of my hobbies at once and feel fulfilled LOL does that make sense??? anywayyyy maybe i will start writing lil things on here again. unsure
blegh
i dont miss those people, i just miss the time of my life that they were in.
i wish he didnt like me. i hope he doesnt get used to talking every night. i pray we dont bring this thing between us into the new year.
how do you taste? what sounds would you make. can I make you squirm how just the thought of you is making me squirm
I hate being the friend that doesn't smoke. I'm sitting in the car waiting like an idiot
ive been thinking about the sounds you'd make
its close.
everything is blue
I'm starting to crave the darkness again. the hurt and the comfort of it.
I miss the sweet boys in the summer of their youth
its close.
welcome back 2013
i remember when your head caught flame
lying to friends so I can be by myself. I can feel the sadness coming and I'm not ready for what I'm gonna let myself lose
come to momma my sexy cinephile in black and white