I’m ashamed of myself because I know I should be better and I have no idea how to get there.

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@lonely-only
I’m ashamed of myself because I know I should be better and I have no idea how to get there.
Joy Division’s Shadowplay (handwritten lyrics by Ian Curtis)
I don’t like my face
Without make up, something is wrong
it’s wrong it doesn’t look right
it’s not cute or pretty it looks twisted and the eyes are too bulgy. the skin is not clear enough. the cheeks are too big and the mouth is too small, something is very wrong about the jawline and the teeth are bad and the nose is way too big.
a boy cannot look down at me sleeping and see something beautiful, he won’t wake up next to a lovely face. I won’t let anyone anyways.
it hurts too look at and I cry
and I want to scratch it out and I almost want to die.
But how do you explain that to others?
You don’t. You just don’t and you hope you survive it.
Osamu Kobayashi deep pour oil on linen 36 x 48”
can your heart ache for a person you've never even spoken to?