Alex-files

Alex. 23. Professional journalist and procrastinator

[lonelyplantboy]

Going on this site gives me anxiety. It’s been a while since I’ve been on here and idk that anyone even cares about what im up to but whatever here’s what I’ve been up to: 

gave some girl who ghosted me a second chance and she pretty much ghosted me again 

i applied to a job at a big music magazine and i heard back positively. i stupidly waited until like the last minute to turn in the site’s editing test and made some few minor mistakes but pray ya boy gets employed because i cant deal with living at home any more 

i’ve been taking adderall and lexapro and am feeling a bit more mentally stable. im less prone to feeling things intensely which is nice and id like to believe im getting better at focusing 

im going to visit some friends in new york this week

[lonelyplantboy]

Im pretty attracted to androgyny in women and men

[lonelyplantboy]

i’m super bad at listening to other people’s advice and generally just argue with people until they agree that my opinion is right. it’s super shitty that i do this but i’m stubborn and want to do things my way. it’s not in all facts of my life. i think in romantic relationships i am very willing to hear the other person’s side and adjust myself to make things easier and smooth for them. but when it comes to compromising and getting a crummy job for the sake of having a job, i just wont do it. and maybe im an asshole bc my parents house me and pay for a fair share of my living expenses and it’s unfair to them but they seem more concerned with the idea of me being 23 and living at home and not being social than the money they’re spending on the little gas i use and food i consume. that’s more or less all i cost em. i pay for a fair share of my food too. anyway long rambly points aside, i feel like i need a therapist but i dont know if my last one sort of burned me out on the process or if i truly am not meant for it. i cant spend like 130 bucks a week just to argue with someone about exercising. i could do that for free at home 

[lonelyplantboy]

My mom more or less had me drop my therapist and while I felt shitty about it I also don’t know how much she was right for me. From the very get-go I had mixed feelings about her and every time I think about her I think I liked her but I also think I spent so much time arguing with her and then overthinking things she said in session that weren’t like helpful advice but just things she said or did that made me question her as a person so maybe it was the right choice. but my mom’s reasoning was that i wasn’t listening to any of my therapist’s advice and we had to pay out of pocket and it was expensive.  

[shrekyourself]

[lonelyplantboy]

love me love say that you love me 

[lonelyplantboy]

Anyone want to validate my existence? I’d appreciate it. Message me plz

[lonelyplantboy]

I can’t be in a relationship where the other person isn’t really affectionate. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t tell me I’m cute. Why are people always so restrained when it comes to saying and doing nice things? Dating mostly makes me feel bad bc people are afraid to say nice stuff or just generally dont care to or something and i end up wondering if they even like me 

[lonelyplantboy]

How does tumblr work now. If someone comments on my post and I comment back, do they get notified? @saint-resin, I replied

[lonelyplantboy]

And in other news a girl who I was going to go on a date with a few months back but who blew me off slid into my Instagram dms and apologized for not following through and asked for a second chance

[lonelyplantboy]

I'm seeing a psychiatrist Monday and I'm excited to get my brain to work right

[lonelyplantboy]

My mom's always saying I'd be happy if I had a job where I had to wake up early and go to an office. She acts as if working from home isn't real and that an office setting would make me less depressed but when she comes home and I'm not in the kitchen she tells me I scared her bc she thought I was dead and killed myself but like I don't even have suicidal tendencies. She can't have it both ways

[underwherequestionmark]

*five minutes before closing  time at work*

me: nice now that  theres no customers i guess i can start closing up :-)

customer:

[underwherequestionmark]

i just want everyone  to know  that  anyone who taged this with “im the customer”   you  are  not even funy

[lonelyplantboy]

Just shower thoughts are mostly really stupid platitudes or like painfully trite relatable™ posts that are meant to sound deep but are always like “everyone you meet has a favorite color” whoah

[lonelyplantboy]

Tomorrow Im going to talk to my therapist about anti-depressants. It just feels like something more is going than on “I’m bored” as my mom likes to believe. I don’t want to live at home, I don’t want to write for free and work at a job where nobody appreciates me. I don’t want to be lonely. At a certain point I have to believe there are larger factors at play than I’m a lazy ass hole who does nothing in their self-interest 

[lonelyplantboy]

I know I’m not on this site that often but you guys can at least be nice to me when I am, jeez 

[lonelyplantboy]

Would love if you guys would rec some movies/ albums that make you feel super warm inside