A Template for a new Mistress / Sub Relationship
I dream about having a mistress, but not a mistress in the traditional sense - like you see on this platform. What I fantasize about is having a dominant, caring pen-pal and friend with an owner-pet relationship.
An Honest, Authentic Relationship
I seek an honest, authentic, non-role-play, dominant-submissive, on-line relationship as a submissive to a mistress.
I would like to be submissive to someone. I would prefer to be submissive to a person - not an icon or a role. I need and want to follow her orders. I further understand that there must be a financial component to this relationship. My goal is to integrate this financial component naturally into the relationship.
I am looking for a "pet-owner" relationship as a model for the relationship that I am seeking with my mistress. I want to be her pet. I want her to be my owner.
Note that I still want to be a human. I do not want to be made to bark or eat dog food or pee in the corner. I want to be a human pet - with all my human capabilities - for another human. "pet-owner" only refers to the sort of power exchange dynamic that I am seeking.
But as any pet owner knows, the owner has responsibilities. The owner looks after her pet's health and well being. The owner trains and works with the pet to become a better pet - healthier, happier, more obedient, less fussy. The owner may put the pet to work for her own possibly financial benefit.
Meanwhile, the pet is eager to please. The pet craves praise and affection from her owner. The pet delights in doing tasks for her owner and lives for her praise and her treats that successful task completion brings.
Finally, I want an honest & open relationship between two people. This is not role play. This is an "eyes-wide-open" power exchange, where the needs of both the mistress and the sub are out and open on the table and freely discussed at all times.
I want to create a new pattern for an on-line, mistress-sub relationship which is 100% real, safe and mutually beneficial for both sides.
I dream of a mistress who actually cares about me. I would care for her and she would care for me, like any owner would care for her pet and like any pet would care for her owner. Because caring is sexy, and also the basis for a long-term relationship.
She asks questions. She takes time to know what I'm feeling and what my life is like. She asks 'how was your day?' and she responses truthfully when I ask the same questions.
She may care about me like she cares for a pet. You wouldn't go around abusing your dog, would you? Neither is it sexy to be abused by mistress - verbally or otherwise. Instead, a mistress should care for her pets and treat them well. But she should also tell them what to do, because that is the power dynamic of the relationship. She is the owner, and I am the pet. She calls and I come.
And so I would look up to her as if she were my owner. I would be excessively eager to please.
A key element of this relationship is that it is not role play. The mistress is a person and I am a person. We talk to each other as people. Yes, there is power exchange, but not part of a fake scene that needs to be acted. People just act naturally as they would act and that is always OK.
As an example, almost every time I have interacted with a mistress she has demanded to be called 'mistress' from the very beginning. To me, this initiates the role play and puts my head into the wrong space. I would much prefer that we just call each other by our regular names as the relationship gets established and then let other titles emerge as the relationship deepens and grows naturally.
As her pet, I would be expected to earn my keep for my owner / mistress. I would be like a work horse or show dog. This is not hidden, this is expected. This is freely discussed without embarrassment.
"Of course you realize that, as my pet, you will need to work for me," she will say.
"Of course," I would say. "If I wish to be owned by you, I would naturally expect to work for you to build your income, just like anything else that you own."
It would not be a "tribute" - like to a goddess. That implies a blind obeisance which is so un-sexy and exploitive. It's so much better, so much more honest, so much more real and authentic to say: For you I work. Because you care about me. Because I care about you.
The difference is that I would be working FOR her.
"Tomorrow," she would say, "I want you to work from 2 to 4pm - for me. Set an alarm, so that you will know that these two hours will be dedicated to earning money for me, as my pet. And everything that you earn will be sent to me. That will be two-hours of wages, from one day of the year, after taxes. In effect, I truly own you for those two hours, and I am renting you out to your company for those two hours, and I will collect all of the wages for those two hours, because you will transfer that money to me using the method that I specify. And you will work extra hard during those two hours, won't you? You will be extra focussed, because your work will have PURPOSE - it will be work FOR someone - it will be work FOR me. And I will not want a pet who slacks off when she's working for me. I will want a pet who works hard and is productive, so that pet will become more valuable to their employer, and, by extension, to me."
Of course, anything which involves a financial exchange is open for abuse, and this one is no different. I fantasize about a mistress who is open and honest about the exchange and understands my limits and capabilities and doesn't overtax them. This is no different from any pet owner. If someone abuses a pet by working them too hard, then they don't deserve to own the pet and the pet will either run away or be taken away. The same is true for my fantasy relationship. Abusive relationships are not OK.
Treats, Tasks and Punishments
In my ideal relationship, there would be an honest understanding of what is a treat, a task, and punishment. Let's dispel the lie that the pet is somehow wearing panties 'for the mistress', or is in anyway being 'forced' to wear panties. Sexy things like this which the sub really wants to do should be treats or rewards for tasks completed.
Treats are things that I actually want to do, secretly or otherwise. Like wearing panties, masturbating, using toys, etc. It is a treat to be told to do these things by a mistress. Treats should be given for tasks well done, as a reward.
Tasks are things that achieve some positive benefit, either for the mistress or the pet. Tasks can be things like chores, exercise, completing work assignments, charity work, working hours for the mistress, working towards life goals, etc.
Punishments are things the pet really, honestly does not want to do. Things like writing lines, eating food they hate, abstinence / orgasm denial, additional payments, etc. Punishments should be demanded when tasks are not completed.
I am the sort of person who loves to please. I get physical pleasure from serving someone and being praised for my service. I am the little girl in grade school who raises her hand for every question and then blushes with pleasure when she's called upon and gets the question right.
When you ask your pet to do something for you, you reward your pet. You give them a treat. You give them a hug and a belly rub and say 'good girl'. I am no different. This is the sort of relationship that I want.
One of the things I hate about growing up is that now I am the boss. I am in charge. A lot of my fantasies revolve around not being in charge. About not having to make decisions. About not being responsible.
As children, we are given tasks by adults and then we are rewarded when we perform those tasks well. Good grades, doing well at chores, our creative endeavors - all of these are presented to an authority figure who evaluates our progress and gives us praise and treats (badges, stars, milkshakes, diplomas) for good performance. This relationship is ingrained into us at a very young age - and I think that many of us continue to crave that sort of relationship.
And that is, ultimately, the sort of relationship that I fantasize about having with a mistress. A relationship where I am given a task and then I am praised by an authority figure when I perform well at that task.
There are, fundamentally, three sorts of commands that an on-line mistress can give a pet. 1) Tasks, 2) treats, and 3) true punishments. #1 is discussed below. #2 and #3 are discussed later.
Tasks are commands which are not good or bad and which have some productive purpose. Typically they are given to help the pet to be a better person or a better pet for the mistress in some way.
Tasks are rewarded with praise and treats.
Example tasks to improve her relationship with her mistress:
* to become a more obedient pet
* to become more open and truthful for her mistress
* to overcome hangups / reluctances
Tasks to make the pet a better person:
* to learn more about other cultures / interests
* to develop her thinking skills / analysis skills / listening skills
* to be more tolerant of others - to understand others more deeply
* to be nicer, more charitable, more giving, more generous
* to become more focused, more motivated
* to improve the sub's own mental health and reduce stress
* do household chores or home improvements she's been putting off
* do anything else she should be doing (like calling mom) but which she doesn't do as often as she should
* to achieve her goals in life, whatever they may be
EXAMPLE 1: (creating trust and openness)
"Paul," my mistress might ask, "tell me a secret about yourself that you have told no one else."
EXAMPLE 2: (becoming more obedient)
"My pet. I want you to take out a pen and a piece of paper, and write: 'I promise to obey Miss Janice" 100 times. Then take a picture of it and send it to me."
EXAMPLE 3: (creating trust and openness)
"I don't want any of your life to be a secret to me. I want you to be a completely open book. Are you married? What is she like? Do you love her? How and in what way? Do you have children? How many, and what are their names? Where were you born? Tell me all about yourself - and do not hide anything."
EXAMPLE 4: (creating trust and openness)
"Tell me what embarrasses you." "Now tell me exactly why you find that embarrassing."
EXAMPLE 5: (exercise, improve health)
"Hey sweetie, I know you want to lose 10 pounds and I want that for you too. After all, we want you to be healthy, don't we? How about you start by taking a 10 minute walk for me today? Extra credit if you can do it three days in a row."
EXAMPLE 6: (becoming more charitable)
"Hey Honey, one of my favorite charities is X. Do you think you could afford to send them a $100 donation in my name? I know you told me you wanted to be more charitable. They really do excellent work and they'd put the money to good use."
EXAMPLE 7: (home repairs)
"I know you've been putting off fixing the drywall in the upstairs bedroom. My next task for you is to complete that repair before Monday. Extra credit if you complete it before the weekend."
Combining Treats and Tasks
Of course, tasks and treats can be combined, and should be as much as possible. This will only further encourage the pet to obey her mistress.
"Hey, how's my girly-girl? I know how much you like to wear panties. How about you wear a nice pink pair today under your clothes as you work for me? Then set a repeating timer so that every thirty minutes you reach into your pants to stroke the fabric - just so you can remember what you're wearing all day long. And then, of course, I want to hear all about it when your day is up!"
What I really want is to re-write the traditional (boring) mistress-sub relationship into something that's honest. Honestly describe what is a treat, what is a punishment, and what is a task or chore.
This can be a simple list and it can be simply asked for. Why bother with the lie?
"Paul, tell me what you like. What are your kinks?"
"Oh, I love to wear panties."
"That's a treat then. You will get to wear panties when you are a good girl, as a special treat. Tell me what else you like."
<Paul lists 1000 other things and ranks them by level of excitement>
Note that extra special treats would include anything that's personal from the mistress. Like snapchat video praise, or a snail-mail card, or a pair of her used panties.
"Excellent," the mistress would say. "Now we need some actual punishments for when you are lazy or disobedient or are unable to complete an assigned task for any reason. Of course, one punishment will be that you have to send me money. But other than that, what are some actual punishments?"
Of course, it is likely that the sub will find both punishments and tasks exciting because they are being done for their mistress. This is perfectly OK. Anything that a sub would not do on their own - without a mistress - can either be a task (if it is beneficial for the sub) or a punishment (if it has no other purpose than to deter future negative behavior). If the sub discovers, under the direction of the mistress, that the task or the punishment becomes sexually exciting - all the better!
Doing lines is one example. No sub would just sit down and write something 100 times for no purpose. But doing it at the direction of the mistress it takes on a whole new level of excitement.
For me, actual (non-monetary) punishments include nipple clamps, time-outs, pointless tasks with no actual purpose, eating lima beans, things that are boring, etc.
Note that an honest and open communication between the mistress and the sub is critical. The mistress could assign something they both agree is a treat, but then it may turn out that the sub doesn't actually like it. The sub should be honest about if they enjoyed the treat and how much. If they do not enjoy it, a second treat could be given and then the original treat is either abandoned or (if disliked enough) converted to a punishment.
I have never entered into a dominant relationship as described above with any mistress. All of my prior relationships with mistresses have been of the more traditional kind. They have all been short, one-time, and, generally, unsatisfying. The ones which have been effective (I can only think of one), I had to end because it was negatively impacting my life too much.
What I would love is to find a mistress who would be interested in working with me to explore if creating the above sort of relationship could work in real life.
