if only there was someone out there who loved you

Hans Westergaard. 25. Doctor. One of many. I've been searching my whole life to find my own place.

[lookma-nohans]

theicedoesnot-forgive·:

He narrowed his eyes, the look equal parts distrust and disdain. He had a low tolerance for smarm, and it was coming off Hans in waves. “Alright.” He wasn’t great at expressing himself in words, but in this case, blunt might be exactly the tool he needed. Which was good because it was pretty much the only one in his toolbet.

“You’re a scheming dick. Anna thinks you can somehow become less of a scheming dick, but I think people don’t change. So I don’t see what there is to be gained by pretending we like each other.” He raised his coffee cup for another drink with a small nod for Hans to go ahead. That was how a conversation worked, right? Maybe once they’d both established they didn’t like each other, it would be acceptable for him to leave.

The words hit in harder than he cared to admit, even to himself. A lot of that probably had to do with the fact that he was worried that there might have been a little truth to what Kristoff was saying. He knew he was unworthy of the chance that Anna had given him. He knew he was probably ruining that chance right this very moment. But he couldn’t stop. 

So instead, he smirked, pulling out one of the many masks he had at his disposal, schooling his face into something that resembled mild amusement. “Oh, is that what we’re doing?” He mirrored Kristoff’s movements and took a sip of his own drink and clicked his tongue. “I don’t know, Kris. I’d say saving lives for a living is a pretty sure sign of change. Maybe you haven’t changed at all since you’ve been here, but projecting your shortcomings on me hardly seems fair.” He glanced up, trying to gauge how much more he could push, how much further he could go. Inch by inch, he was losing this battle with himself, but at the moment, he just didn’t care. 

[lookma-nohans]

whatthedormouse-said·:

Molly lived and breathed coffee. It got her through juggling work at the diner and nursing school. Studying from books didn’t come naturally to her, but after two years, she thought she’d gotten a handle on it. She was paging through a study guide while she sipped her coffee. Her exam was later that afternoon, so it was more like a formality at this point. She knew it; she just liked to remind herself that she did, and it helped to review the material several times. She glanced up with a smile when a tired-looking guy in scrubs approached her table. “Not at all. You look dead on your feet.”

Hans took a grateful seat and nodded thankfully at the woman. He laughed a little at her comment and looked down at himself with a shrug. “I’ll try not to take offense to that,” he teased and then took a sip of his coffee. It was too hot still to really taste, but the warmth felt nice. And he knew it was a trick of his mind and not the caffeine itself, but he felt a little more awake now than he had only moments ago.

His eyes slid over the pages she was leafing through, his curiosity piqued when he saw a few things that actually looked familiar to him. “What are you studying?” he asked around another too-hot sip of his coffee.

[lookma-nohans]

theicedoesnot-forgive·:

It was everything he could do not to physically recoil at the sound of that laugh. Kristoff had never been skilled at hiding his feelings, and he knew his disgust was plain on his face. He couldn’t really control that; it was taking all his concentration to control what came out of his mouth. For Anna’s sake, he could try to be nice, but nice wasn’t one of his better things either.

Fortunately, neither was violence. Satisfying as that mental image was, there was no temptation to actually punch Hans. Anna had beaten him to it, and she’d probably just be mad about it if he did. For some reason, she thought Hans was redeemable and was trying to be his friend. Accepting that was a lot easier when he wasn’t faced with the man himself.

“We don’t have to talk,” he said flatly, sipping his coffee. It wasn’t nice, but it was the nicest answer he could come up with at the moment. He’d apologize to Anna later. He just wasn’t a good enough actor to pretend like he wanted to be friends.

It really shouldn’t have been the case, but something about the way Kristoff was blowing him off made him want to poke and prod and get under his skin. It was only fair, right? He got the girl, he was the winner here. He didn’t much care at the moment that it was something a lesser Hans would have done. He really didn’t have anything to lose. 

“No, we don’t,” he said, leaning forward, his elbows resting on the table. “But what would be the fun in that?” He shrugged. “I’m sure you can think of something you want to say to me.”

[lookma-nohans]

maiavolkova·:

Maia enjoyed the hustle and bustle of the coffee shop, watching the people come and go in all their various states of exhaustion, weariness, or addiction. Her school books sat mostly forgotten, with one open on top of the pile. She was feeling antsy again, but she questioned if it was because of how much she was choosing to focus on school. The question was a welcome intrusion to keep her from delving too deep into her internal mire and she beamed up at him.

Pushing out the chair with her foot, she tipped her own cup in invitation.·“By all means, you look like you need it a lot more than my feet do,” she chuckled, studying him in a quick, practiced flick of her eyes.·“And you don’t have to go unnoticed if you don’t want to, sometimes company makes a long day a little easier when you rest.”

Hans relaxed into the chair, smiling gratefully at the girl sitting across from him. He really did appreciate the chance to get off his feet. Now that he was no longer in doctor mode, the exhaustion was catching up to him quickly. “Thank you,” he said, pleased.

At her invitation to actually enjoy the company, his eyes trailed over to her, actually taking her in for the first time. He traced the delicate features of her face, the slope of her nose, to curve of her mouth, and then down to the books laid out before her. He raised a brow, intrigued, and sat back in his seat. He nodded his head in the direction of her books. “What are you going to school for?”

[lookma-nohans]

theicedoesnot-forgive·:

Kristoff was in no way a morning person, but coffee helped ease the transition into being an actual human. Whether or not he was a pleasant human had nothing to do with mornings. He didn’t usually linger in a busy coffee shop, but after a weekend of lifting heavy boxes to help Lottie move in, he was having a little extra trouble waking himself up. He was sort of hunched over a to-go cup of black coffee. His own shop would have been quieter at this hour though, and he’d just about decided to leave when a shadow fell over his table. He raised an eyebrow, not fighting to keep the disdain out of his expression. Did he mind? Yes. Would he not notice? Highly doubtful. He doubted Anna would appreciate either of those responses though. It wasn’t like it was a complete surprise. He’d known Hans was in Fableton; they were bound to cross paths at some point. “Not one of your better ideas, but I guess I can’t stop you,” he said, frowning.

Hans flopped down into the chair with a grateful sigh. If he was being honest, he hadn’t really been paying attention. He’d assumed that no one would deny an empty chair to a visibly exhausted doctor and so he hadn’t really bothered to observe his surroundings much at all. It was perhaps his fatal flaw to allow his own preconceived notions to blind him to what was really happening around him. The voice cut through him like a knife a half second too late and he froze. He was pretty sure this was high up on his list of worst case scenarios and he’d already taken a seat. 

He coughed out a laugh, too forced to be easy, and leaned back, trying to appear casual. “Kristoff,” he said, the name leaving a metallic taste in his mouth. The situation as a whole was enough to snap him out of his exhaustion and kick him in the balls at the same time. But he had some kind of advantage here. Or, at least, he stood on an even playing field. Kristoff wasn’t going to punch him in a crowded coffee shop. Probably. Even Kristoff would have had to admit it’d look pretty bad on his part. Hans, a doctor off a long shift of saving lives, just trying to get off his feet and enjoy some coffee, assaulted by a knuckle-dragging barbarian for simply sitting down in an empty chair. It felt like, for the moment, the narrative was on his side. “Not one of my better ideas,” he repeated with a laugh. “Would you look at that, we actually agree on something.” 

Well. That and Anna, but that definitely would earn him a punch in the face.

[lookma-nohans]

alively-anna·:

Anna had finished her coffee and muffin and, in the crowded shop, was glad she’d managed to get through it without too much trouble.  The sad thing was, though, she’d ordered a drink with enough caffeine to power a small elephant through a week, and she hoped that alone would allow a semi-direct transfusion, via headphones, of the music she needed to memorize for the spring musical. 

She came out of the restroom in the back corner, destined for the front door, just in time to see Hans drop down at a table.  Though it took her a moment to pry the earbuds from her ears the better to hear him with, it didn’t appear he knew the person.  And he looked kind of exhausted.  To her, that made the perfect recipe for embarrassment.  She didn’t actually want to go to her next class anyway.

Her approach was about as stealthy as the aforementioned elephant, and her voice was loud.  “Oh my God, Hans, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you!”  She looked at the person he’d been talking to.  “You don’t mind if I steal him, do you?”  She rested her hand on Hans’ shoulder.  “It turns out the baby is yours!  Sorry for the confusion.  Boy do we need to talk.  Now.” 

Hans settled back into his chair with a smirk for what felt like a literal second when a voice rang out, shrill and loud, throughout the coffee shop. He blinked, looking around wildly, his mind sluggish to catch up with his current situation-- though it seemed his instincts were still up to par-- as he looked up to see the face of Anna looking down at him.

For a split second, he panicked, genuinely confused. 

But then, he remembered Anna’s flair for dramatics and his brain finally caught up and he shot a very quick apologetic look to the person who’d graciously allowed him a chance to finally get off his feet. He turned back to Anna, shaking his head as he stood with a quiet grunt. “Please excuse us,” he said back to the poor unsuspecting stranger looking mildly bewildered at the exchange. He could feel the eyes of other patrons looking at him and he didn’t dare turn around. Instead, he laughed a little stiffly and nodded in Anna’s direction. “Clearly, I have some urgent matters to attend to.” And with that, he placed his hand on the small of her back and led her outside.

Once they made it and he was breathing fresh air, Hans relaxed and dropped his hand to his side. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger and let out a snort of a laugh, shaking his head. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation, maybe it was just that she was the actual craziest person he’d ever met and god, why was it impossible to hate that?

He looked pointedly down to her flat stomach and then back up at her, crossing his arms across his chest. “So it’s mine, huh?” He tried to look amused. Or maybe stern. But really, he was just kind of spent. He’d done what he could to stay out of her way, keep her out of sight, out of mind, leave her to her relationship. She was never going to love him (not that he’d have deserved it, but whatever), and he had accepted that fact. Or, at least, he thought he had. 

He opted for playing it cool and raised a brow. “It’s a shame it was such a forgettable conception.”

[lookma-nohans]

Hans scrubbed a hand over his face. It’d been a particularly long and emotional shift. Thus was the nature of working in trauma, he supposed. It was the chaos of it that appealed to him and it was likely the only thing he handled with a level head. It was everything else about his life he couldn’t seem to get a hold on. Coffee, though. Coffee felt like a safe bet. It felt like a sweet, caffeinated reprieve from the sixteen hours he’d just spent on his feet.

It seemed everyone had had the same idea as he, finding every table occupied in the small shop. With a sigh, he contemplated just how badly he wanted to just sit for a minute and soak up the caffeine. He spotted a patron on their own at a table near the door and decided to try his luck. He tapped at the back of the empty chair and tried to appear as charming as his exhaustion would allow him to. He figured no one would deny an empty seat to a man dressed in scrubs, anyway. “My apologies for the intrusion, but I was wondering if you would mind if I sat down? I promise you won’t even notice me.”

[lookma-nohans]

carly-weiss·:

Carly had officially given up trying to figure out men for at least the fifth time in her life.  That didn’t explain why she’d said none of that to Hans when he texted her, out of the blue, to finally invite her to another date.  Maybe it was just the town functions that somehow untangled his tongue.  Maybe it was flattering he was asking her to another one.   As it was, she was pretty excited.  They’d had a good time at the prom.  It almost wasn’t worth thinking about too much. 

It wasn’t thinking, exactly, that prompted her to leave her shirt nearly unbuttoned.  It wasn’t thinking that had her flirting openly with him.  No, that was genuine excitement at the prospect of his company (again.)   And if she answered the door a little too quickly after he rang the bell, well, that wasn’t really thinking, either.  She smiled brightly.  “You’re very on time,” she said by way of greeting.  It was stupid, because he was late by so many other standards.  She decided she didn’t care.  “Would you like to start here or head out?  Full disclosure, I have about four things to eat in here, and at least two of them are a little past their prime.”

She was talking. That much Hans knew. What she was saying, however, was a little lost as her beauty all but punched him in the face. She was right about her outfit: he was absolutely tongue tied. 

He was aware she was asking him a question, but he couldn’t for the life of him, remember what it was. Instead, he gestured in front of him, without words. “I... look beautiful,” he murmured and then quickly shook his head in amendment. “You look beautiful. I am an idiot.” He held out the flowers as his brain caught up with her words and he chuckled and ran his free hand through his hair. “Let’s head out,” he suggested. “Is it wrong if I say I want to show you off?”

[lookma-nohans]

Hans ran a hand through his hair as he stood outside Carly’s door with fresh flowers in hand. Something about Carly always brought him back. She didn’t want anything from him, or make him feel inferior, or demand things from him he couldn’t offer. She was, perhaps, the only person in his life he didn’t feel the need to be someone else around. But despite that, he’d still spent an embarrassingly long time getting ready for the festival, trying on different ensembles that looked good without looking like he’d tried. He had finally settled on dark jeans and a black button up shirt rolled up to his elbows and had spent more time than he cared to admit making different faces and poses in the mirror until he was really sold on the outfit. 

All of him was ready to see this outfit she’d promised would rock his world and he grinned as he lifted his hand to knock on her door at exactly eight o’clock, just like he said he would.

@carly-weiss

[lookma-nohans]

text | harly

C: I've been going about it all wrong then. I thought what was IN the clothing was the sexiest part.

H: Don't get me wrong, those are pretty good too. Definitely a close second.

H: However, I'm willing to compare them again. For science.

[lookma-nohans]

text | harly

C: Mine too. We'll have to see how it goes.

C: Is it the extra pockets or the V-neck that does it for you?

H: I'm feeling pretty good about it.

H: The pockets. Definitely the pockets. Arguably the sexiest part of any piece of clothing.

[lookma-nohans]

text | harly

C: I might wear something that will make your tongue stick to the roof of your mouth then.

C: You want to run into each other at work?

H: Oktoberfest might be my favorite town event to date.

H: Did I forget to tell you I had a thing for scrubs?

[lookma-nohans]

text | harly

C: I just might, sir. How the hell are you? It's been a little while.

C: Especially if you ignore the fact that I've been working double time.

H: Well I just might pick you up at 8?

H: I'm okay. I've been rather busy myself with work. It's a shame we can work in the same place and never seem to run into each other.

H: We should remedy that.

[lookma-nohans]

text | harly

H: You wouldn't happen to be free to accompany me to this Oktoberfest I keep hearing about, would you?

[lookma-nohans]

text | hansa

Anna: Oh.

Anna: I'm sorry, there are too many questions trying to make their way from my brain to my fingers. I'm giving up the fight and just not asking.

Anna: Good. Great. Take good care of her, please.

Hans: Look, I know the guy hates me and he's got a good reason. You're happy and that's good. I don't want me being in the mix to cause problems so I took myself out of it. I'm trying to do the right thing and I'm trying to be good at it.

Hans: I'm going to do everything I can for her. Everything that she'll let me. I promise.

[lookma-nohans]

text | carly

Carly: An exam room in the ER or somewhere else?

Carly: That wasn't inappropriate. That's sort of what I was going for.

Carly: I'm glad I could make your life easier with just the visual.

Hans: Actually, let's meet in my office instead. How easily can you get your hands on an OB doppler?

Hans: In that case, I wouldn't want to trouble you. Scrubs won't be necessary, come as you are.

[lookma-nohans]

text | carly

Carly: Is it something I can do in my tight little workout pants and sports bra?

Hans: For now. Until we sneak someone into an exam room and I need you in scrubs.

Hans: I should mention I'm going to do it anyway, but your assistance would make my life a lot easier.

Hans: As does the image of you in tight little workout pants.

Hans: That was inappropriate. I'm sorry.