kosmyczny tumbler

19 the universe

[loony26]

Foteczki z wczoraj #most #mgła #zima #polskazima #mróz #brrr (at Most Józefa Piłsudskiego) https://www.instagram.com/p/CJfygtRH986/?igshid=120fxd9qaqel6

[loony26]

I rediscovered my old tumblr. I really liked the bits I wrote when I was in first year of university and the summer after: wish I kept going, it seemed to have been helpful at the time. Let me get more insight into my life and how my brain works. 

Can always try again, and I’ve been looking for ways to document my progress recently, so might give this tumblr thing another go. 

[loony26]

blue Monday

not exactly, as blue monday was 5 months ago on 16th January. (wow! has it really been almost 5 months since I went back to Edinburgh to start the second semester?)

the weather sucks today. in the morning it was cold and raining, then there were a few moments of sunshine. when I went on a run, the sun was shining and I was in a pretty good mood. it’s amusing how heavily the weather affects my mood. I need to be stronger!

now I am waiting for the rain to pass...

but this is what I have been doing for a long while now. perhaps I should learn to “dance in the rain”?

[loony26]

Just another happy day at work. 

[black-eye-friday]

[loony26]

I regret everything

if I were to write down all the things I regret over the past year, it would never end.

starving myself. not budgeting properly for food and free time. not reaching out for help. not trying to change the flat that I hated. obsessing about sports and healthy food. and, the most recent one - going home instead of staying in Edinburgh for the summer.

there is nothing I can change about these things right now. you cannot change the past (unless you are Marty McFly). you can only change the present. 

“wczoraj do ciebie nie należy, jutro niepewne. tylko dziś jest twoje.”

(”yesterday does not belong to you, tomorrow is uncertain. it’s only today that is yours”.)

it’s amusing how I knew all these clever things before, when I was a preteen/teenager. it seems logical that now I should be cleverer than I was when I was 14 years old - but I am not.

I am older and have more experiences, and perhaps can do stuff that I could not, but I feel stupider than ever. and I have to re-learn all the important stuff about what matters in life and who I actually am.

let the learning begin. oops, it began a long time ago.

let another day begin, and may this day be a good one.

[loony26]

Getting better at this. #lovemakingicedlattemacchiatos 

[loony26]

The world is full of  crap things. The secret of not killing yourself by turning 27 is to focus on the good stuff and forget the bad stuff.

Common knowledge

[loony26]

Gluten free spaghetti with kale and horseradish sauce with a set of raw vegetable salads (something like a coleslaw - various grated vegetables). It was my lunch yesterday and it was de-li-cious. What I want is to learn how to make this myself.

[loony26]

lazy afternoon, the best ever

I remember one of the best afternoons I’ve had this year; I remember it very well. Perhaps because I didn’t do much. I got home from my grandma’s and spent the rest of the day in bed. I focused on one book, called “Wnuczka do orzechów” (an intranslatable play of words based on the Polish title for the “Nutcracker”). I read it for the whole afternoon, only making breaks every now and then to go to the kitchen and make another cup of mint infusion. 

The point is, the less you do and the more you are focused, the greater satisfaction you’ll get from what you’re doing. No matter what you’re doing.

[loony26]

Everybody knows it.

[loony26]

go back and snap!

if you could go back in time to when there were no cameras around and take a picture of something (could be an event) and take it back to the present, what would it be?

crucifying Jesus? meteor hitting the Earth ruled by dinosaurs? Christopher Columbus’s face?

[loony26]

The last minutes on Edinburgh pavement. How much time will pass until I walk on it again?

[loony26]

I don’t have any pictures from yesterday because my phone died but that day is worth writing about.

I went to see Imogen in the morning and then moved to Levels to have a soy mocha. The first coffee I ordered tasted of nothing but water with soy flavoured foam so I asked for another one. The red-haired barista was so nice that she made me a new mocha for free and she put a double espresso shot. It was quite strong, maybe a little bit too strong for me. But at least it tasted of coffee.

Then I went to cook salmon with courgetti and spinach which I had for lunch. Afterwards I went to revise next to the Holyrood Park and got poppadoms on my way there.

At 4ish I met up with Lauren, Seth and Kerri and we went looking for hats. We found some funky ones which we really pulled off, honestly.

However, they were not the hats we were looking for. We went to H&M, where I got some cool bracelets, and then to Primark, where there was nothing cool enough to buy, The weather was great, it was sunny and warm so later we hung out in Princes Street Gardens. There was some Christian festival going on and music on stage. We sat on the grass and sun bathed and climbed trees and did yoga and capoeira and ran around hugging trees. 

In the evening we got together at Ps & Gs. It was a good day, although it was very long and exhausting.

[loony26]

Post-counselling snack. Oatcakes, dark chocolate and almonds after seeing a great “mental health coordinator” Tam. He really helped me understand my parents and why they willingly sent me to the foreign university that I chose. Afterwards I had a tuna salad at Subway.

[loony26]

Went to Mum’s Comfort Food in Forrest Road with Brooke and Kerri. It was Brooke’s last night in Edinburgh as she was leaving the morning after, back to America. She asked me what she should order: sausages with mash or fish and chips. I said sausages. She ordered fish. Brooke, in this way, and I are similar - we ask someone what to choose and then pick the other option. 

[adulting]

Non-Adulting Move of the Day

I spent last night in my neurotic positive feedback loop, which looks something like this:

As you can see, you can easily loop around in this for hours and hours. So now, I am late to the Old-West Shootout at the Albany Rifle and Pistol Club. Le sigh.

[loony26]

So me last night.