Can&#x27;t Fight This Feeling

Just… Just go.

[ Letting out a sigh, Natalie nodded her head knowing anything she did, if she stayed, would just make things worse. Before she left, she paused at the door to whisper one last thing, even though she knew it wouldn't make a difference she had to say it. ] I'm sorry. [ I'm sorry I have to leave, I'm sorry I can't be better for you, I'm sorry I can't say it back, I'm sorry for not being worth it. I'm sorry you fell in love with me. ]

[ Seeing Natalie go to stand up to leave, killed Kaidence. She didn’t know how to handle this situation, she didn’t know how to feel and seeing the girl leave broke her heart. The tears fell down her face and she shook her head. ] I love you, Natalie..

[ Right as Natalie stood up and began to walk away from the couch, she heard those words that stopped her in her tracks. Her eyes closed, and she lowered her head, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. She hoped that they wouldn't have gotten this close, that they wouldn't have to have this talk and it be so hard to walk away. But it was, and those three dreaded yet cherished words made everything that much harder. Shaking her head she let out a disbelieving laugh. ] Yeah. I know you do.

Okay. Good luck.

Yeah. Thanks. [ Confused at first, Natalie just shook it off and went to stand up. ] I'll just get out of your hair now, uhm, thanks for letting me come over and all. I'll show myself out.

That’s not true, Nat! They’re not the one’s that hear you at night. [ Kaidence felt absolutely helpless. There was nothing she could do to stop this from happening and it scared her more than anything. ] Please don’t go.. Please..

What are you talking about? You act like people don't have dreams every night. I passed the physical exam and I'm going. I don't have a choice.

Of course! That’s so I can cool down, nothing has changed the way I feel about you, Natalie. I just- I can’t believe this. Have they even assessed your mental state? You and I both know, it’s not in the best place.

Right. Guess cooling down means walking away every time I do something you don't like. [ Natalie felt herself grow more frustrated as time went by and she tried her best to calm down so that she didn't flip out on Kaidence. ] My 'mental state' is just fine, Kaidence. I took a test and everything. I'm clear to go.

I don’t want you to go away, no matter how much we disagree. What if you are gone forever? What if you don’t come back? You almost didn’t come back last time..

Oh, really now? Because you walk away from our conversations now as much as I do. I can't promise anything but I can handle myself.

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[ Kaidence just shook her head, biting her lip extremely hard. She couldn’t even look at her sister’s face, she couldn’t look into her eyes without falling apart. She was terrified for Natalie and it made her sick, she almost lost her once and she wasn’t ready to lose her again. ] Can’t you work something out? Please don’t go, I can’t lose you again. This isn’t fair. They can’t send you back.. Natalie, please.. You’re everything to me.. They can’t take you from me..

[ Natalie's finger tips dug deep into her palms as she clenched her fists so tightly she was sure there would have been blood. Kaidence got desperate the more she spoke and Natalie had no idea how to respond, how to help her or comfort her. Words would never help, not with her, but it was all she had. ] This is something I can just bargain like another job. Life isn't fair, Kaidence. I won't be gone forever. Besides, maybe it'll be good for me to be away for a while.

[ Kaidence knew it was bad, the way that she could see Natalie chewing on her lip. Her mind already began to start racing a million miles an hour on what it could be but when the words were spoken everything in her just halted. She felt sick, she sat there in complete silence trying to make sense of what her sister said. Kaidence could feel the tears begin to build up and she tried her best to force them back. She shook her head. ] No.. Not again.. Please, don’t go. [ Her voice was desperate and full of worry. ] You can’t ..

[ Natalie thought once she got everything out in the open that she'd feel a lot better, but, no, she was wrong. It felt like everything stopped until Kaidence went back to talking again. Now, she knew things would possibly get even more difficult between them. ] I have to. I have no choice in the matter.

[ It was now that Kaidence could tell that Natalie was looking slightly more uncomfortable than usual and it made something stir in the pit of her stomach. With a nod in answer to Natalie’s question, she sat down on the couch leaving some room between the two of them. ] So.. What is it that you need to talk to me about?

[ Natalie knew there was no point in beating around the bush, but she also wasn't sure how to go about talking to Kaidence about what she had to say. Chewing on her lip, she knew she just had to say it how it was before she couldn't say anything. ] My injury leave ended about a month ago. I met with a recruiter yesterday, and I'm, uh, going back overseas.

[ Kaidence tried to evaluate the girl’s face but she couldn’t read anything but she stood aside to let her sister in. ] It’s fine, it wasn’t like I was doing anything anyway, so, don’t worry too much. Make yourself comfortable somewhere, do you need anything to eat or drink?

[ Still feeling a little bad for how last minute it all was, Natalie bit her lip and nodded, sliding in Kaidence's apartment. She headed towards the couch and sat down, shaking her head and declining any offer of something to eat or drink. ] No, thanks I'm good. [ She bit her lip and shifted a little on the couch. ] Will you, uhm, sit? Too?

[ Kaidence had no idea what it was that Natalie had to tell her and it made her quite nervous. The last few times they had spoken didn’t quite go over so well and that was still playing on Kaidence’s mind. However hearing the knock at the door pulled her back to reality. She made her way over to the door and opened it with a tight lipped smile.] Hey… Come in.

[ It'd been quite a while, or at least it felt like it had, that Natalie had seen Kaidence. Things between them had been rocky as it is and she knew this was going to make it worse. Taking a deep breath, she nodded and took a step inside of her twins apartment. ] Hi. Sorry about the late notice.