marmalade

[lostinaseaofjelly]

sunday

motivated and

forgiving, so I can grow

and root peacefully

[thebelchers]

[aitotoro]

[lostinaseaofjelly]

burn, burned, burnt

[prinnay]

phantom

[lostinaseaofjelly]

just pretend that im

okay

happy

stable

bc you aren't able to accept me when I am not

[lostinaseaofjelly]

failure

I am not in the pursuit of winning,

rarely does anything but peace cross my heart and mind.

Yet, often failure seems to be the birthmark I am dealt to process and fight against.

why am I flailing to avoid failing when no matter the outcome the intention is set by others.

let me fail as a daughter peacefully

let me fail, stop finding opportunities to rig the sport and reiterate the inevitable unchanging prize.

the nausea...the whiplash of riding this circuit is gone.

my tears dry quicker now while my thoughts store themselves in their compartments as promptly as a pitstop

I've pulled the eject lever so many times without realizing it was faulty by design

no matter my thoughts given, or my intentions set, nor my restraint practiced. the finish line is dragged further as I sputter desperately wanting to quit, give up, rest, breathe

How many times must I answer to "are you ok" before the concerned-questioning face reveals the self-interest-fueled chagrin

by design I am not ok and never can be in a race I am stalling to no longer be a part of...

[lostinaseaofjelly]

violence and reliance

I  understand how people end up lonely and angry, the anger was always there...they just finally ran out of people to stand it

[lostinaseaofjelly]

no cho(I)ce

my waiting for them to say I  did and am enough will last my entire lifetime... hopefully the waiting I do before I change my life will be shorter?

[lostinaseaofjelly]

D[ADvice]

 find a blank page, fill it with every single thing youre proud of doing, saying, or feeling. if you can’t fill the page up. put the damn pen down and go live...

[lostinaseaofjelly]

[lostinaseaofjelly]

yard sale finds

im collecting the good moments like marbles in a jar

[lostinaseaofjelly]

im going on rent strike with the anxiety living rent free in my brain

[lostinaseaofjelly]

st[if]led

I  can’t seem to find the key to our relationship so I'd rather just stay locked away

[lostinaseaofjelly]

[lostinaseaofjelly]

sw(allow) or s[pit]

weighing 

the effort of working towards not being alone 

with 

the swallowing it takes to just be alone...

[lostinaseaofjelly]

ex[plan]ation

im different bc everyday should be

[lostinaseaofjelly]

we are always putting up with something from someone...most of the time from the *someones* we love...

thecostof45minsbiweekly