It's 12:13 am & I can't sleep. It's been a while since my brain has been racing this fast, and it's been a while since my thoughts have kept me up at night....also it's been a while since I've blogged, so hi! Big changes have been going on this past month. I left my old job and decided to pursue a new avenue. One I am totally excited for, and one I want to tell everyone about. I'm a people pleaser by nature, and the thought of mentioning this new venture to old coworkers was not one I was excited for. & tonight totally validated my fears. I've been blacklisted by people who I thought were my friends. Whispers of me have been happening behind my back and it hurts. I didn't realize it would hurt, but it does. The people pleaser in me didn't want this to happen, didn't want my new venture to upset anyone...especially to the point of them talking ill about me. But, what can ya do. I'm trying to be more bold, care less about what others think and do what's best for me and my family. And this career move was exactly that, a step in the right direction. I haven't been "home" to San Diego in over a year. I was excited for this trip. Excited to see my friends that I still had here. Catch up like we always do and promise to never let the distance come between us again. But seeing my friends wasn't the same. It was different in a way I can't totally comprehend. Life here has moved on without me, and me trying to jump in in the midst of it is exhausting and confusing. So many things have happened that nobody cared to share with me. I try to keep up the best I can, visit as often as I can, but why do I have to be the only one who does that? Why can't these "friends" come see me for a change? Why can't they try to keep up on my life instead. I'm done trying to please others. I'm done trying to put forth all the effort just to get shit on in return. Life here has moved on without me and I need to accept that. I have an amazing life in a new state with my amazing little family and I need to focus more on setting up new roots there than trying to dig up old ones here. I'm going to kickass at this new job and I'm going to put this new found motivation to good use. This trip just put a ton of clarity into my head. Put things into perspective for me. I had this all bottled up and had to just get it out and off my chest. Bless & release...new things are coming.
