Crazy little thing called love. @lostinthecityhearts - Tumblr Blog

there is something erotic about watching someone be extraordinarily competent at something especially if they're also really passionate about it

Okay. Soooooo. It had been a MINUTE since I had attempted the “o” method and I did it this morning. And focused on manifesting her thinking of me and communicating with me…..

And she texted our group today…….

AND she made a post about France that was a picture of all her WJ students…….

Um.

UM?

I’d call that a manifestation. Now I just need to get better at specifics……

I just keep staring at the photo of her and I. Do you think she thinks about me at all? Gosh I miss her.

You know. If there is anything I’ve learned in life it’s that I have realized I like living through life having a crush. Having someone out there who I am fond of and want their attraction and a timely work to get their attention and approval. For the longest time it has been DrM. And don’t get me wrong…it still is. But I just really feel it’s not going anywhere. For every inch I gain from her she hurdles it back another 2 feet. And it’s exhausting. It’s so hard to get a read on her. And it’s even more frustrating with her dynamic with Mary. It pisses me off so bad that I have felt this way for years and never wanted to intervene with her relationship and meanwhile she was miserable! And freaking MARY was her knight in shining armor? Pahhhhhlease

Some of gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers!!!!!!!!! I was going to text her about her showing leg and how I thought it is hot and it distracts me. And I kept shying away from doing it and so I never did. And Bryan just texted me that she FELL after rehearsal and may have broken her ankle. THANK GOD I DIDNT TEXT HER!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck this. I just want to flirt with DrM all day.

Life sucks right now.

Lolllllling that she’s not here yet. If she’s anything, she’s consistent. I swear to god if she walks in with M I’m going to be PISSSSSSSEDDDDDDD.

So I might as well just go ahead and be pissed because I know she’s gonna.

Ewwwwwww.

Girl come onnnnnnn. Know your worth!!!!

GOOOOOOD GRIEF.

I’ve just gotta come on here and say how incredibly lucky I feel to be surrounded by such talented and intelligent and remarkable women. Not to mention hot. Sheeeeeeesh. It’s hard for me to get a grip when I’m around these two. I’m a blubbering mess on the inside!!!!!!!

My God where do I even begin? We are in France and I have spent so much time with her. Not one on one. I wish. But still near her. And all I have thought about is kissing her.

I want to kiss her so badly.

We’ll never have this again. I want to ask her soooooooo badly.

Pftttttt.

I can’t believe how far I have comeeeewwww. Way too much to write from today. But hopefully I’ll just remember forever in my head. Today was Marissa’s baby shower and she was there. 😍😳

It was the most perfect day. So much time with her. So much time with her and flirting with her!!!! I lovedddddd ittttt

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I’m currently sitting here on campus just kind of taking everything in. And it is such a moment of reflection for me. One because it’s summer and it just has that look in the sky and the trees and the color of the grass and just a feeling in the air of like summer when I was a kid. So that’s very nostalgic. But also, I’m waiting around for a board meeting in town and so I stopped on campus. And by the music building. And I can’t help but have this stupid grin on my face. Because I’m just so baffled and bewildered at how far I have come. I mean, I can remember Walking down these very sidewalks to get to choir and doing nothing but finding over SM and thinking longing for a day when I could tell her. And I’m just so damn proud of myself for actually doing it. And granite it didn’t get me anywhere. But god, it feels good to be true to yourself. And it really does feel good to do scary things. And it’s good to be reminded of how beautiful human nature is and that we are really, so lucky that we get to be here. But I don’t think that we take it in enough. I’m so marveled at chemistry between people . And to think that I acted on that and I felt something and I admired somebody and I was just like fuck it I’m gonna tell her. And I did and so I’m just sitting here on campus kind of I don’t know wrapped up at all I guess. It’s a good feeling though I like it I need more of this.

Hi. So I want to spray your perfume. Think about spending time with you and self-pleasure. Sooooo off I go.

First and foremost I have to say how much I’ve grown. There was a time when this night would have left me REELING absolutely unhinged over the moon can’t sleep smiling like a crazy girl. But I’m feeling pretty level-headed.

Long story short….tonight was the first rehearsal for France. The second time she’s had me “alone” at a rehearsal in the sense that there were none of our other usual circle people. After rehearsal - I was walking out and did my usual “SM.. I love you!” Like I always do….and she said she loves me to like she always does and then she asked me out for a drink! She was shocked I said yes and I was like — well OBVI!!!!! Soooooo we went! Just like the last time at the Grease rehearsal. Another Girl ended up coming with us too —- but honestly it felt like it was just me and her. I love talking to her and learning more about her.

But honestly - I was very level-headed the whole evening. I’m getting better at it! Working on getting over her has definitely helped. At one point we talked about her starting dating - she’s nervous about it. I said I would help her. And I really actually want to! Which is a HUGE step for me. But I really do - I might suggest after the next Paris rehersal going to her house after!!!! I’ll mix us beverages and we’ll talk dating profiles and mixer events. That would be fun!!! I’m going to muster up the courage. Is it rude of me to invite myself over?? Hmmmmmm we shall see.

I hope she’s thinking of me tonight.

My life kinda sucks.

I regret getting into a relationship so young. You don’t even know what you want.

So I went out with piss tonight and might’ve had one of those really big margaritas with her. And I was feeling slightly buzzed and I guess I got a little taste of liquid courage and decided to text tea. I figured it was a good opportunity because I had been wanting to reach out, but I couldn’t muster up the courage and I couldn’t find a decent way to open that door but tonight selfishly I took the opportunity of Robert old favorite NASCAR driver, which became an inside joke to me and T Kyle Bush I passed away sadly, very very sadly. But I screenshot it Robert‘s Instagram post of like a memorial and send it to T because that was a whole portion of our like time together was like obsessing over NASCAR. So I don’t know I thought it was an easy way to kinda open that door. Needless to say, I have been left on red. Not like seriously. Because he doesn’t have his read receipts on. But I sent a message and have heard absolutely nothing. So I mean I’m reading that as he is ignoring my message. Because it’s late enough in the evening that I feel like he would be able to respond. So that sucks! But what else is new?

OH MY GOD I AM SO OVERSTIMULATED.

This has been the week from hell. And tomorrow is going to be awful too. And Friday. Good Lord I’m counting down the minutes until this damn week is over.

I just want to dig a hole and shove my head in it for a while.

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