awake, alive, free.

Daniel. an "adult" with serious anxiety. gamer, geek, left handed, hacker, bookworm, Musicphile. for some reason I still collect magic cards, go to Ren Fairs, and believe in the “Easter Bunny” (its complicated) INFP if you are into that kinda thing. (still not sure I buy it) demisexual. no really. google it more, If you dare..

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Also rockets

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I made it.

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So. I fly drones now.

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"it is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. that is not weakness. that is life."

 Jean Luc Picard, Star Trek TNG, "Peak Performance."

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Rennicance festivals bring out the best in my spirit.

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happy birthday wolfie

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happy birthday.

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I really hate religion

Not for anything its done to me. I can't stand what it's doing to its alleged fan club. There is no reason this level of guilt and shame should be able to effect such good people.

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missing the snow

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Well Daniel, this is what you wanted.

I keep replaying the same pathetic narrative in my head. I can’t break away. I’ve lost touch with my friends I’ve lost touch with the little family I had I can only reflect on years past. The hope and the depression of 20 attempts to make today mean something else. This year I don’t have the pressure of Larry. I don’t have the hollow invitations from “friends”. I don’t even have the little diner offering the turkey plate for the people who couldn’t get their shit together or just wanted to pretend that today was special. I remember where I was last year at this hour. I remember it perfectly, like not a moment has passed. I can remember two years ago. Three. This year I asked to be alone. as if I’ve ever wanted to be alone. Even for a moment. At least I can pretend I have some semblance of control. I don’t have anywhere to be. I don’t have a home. I keep running and running thinking that if I get far enough away from my past I’ll be able to start over. Not this time. Maybe next year it’ll be different.

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Fucking hate this place.

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Really miss playing games.

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Day by day I realize it was me all along. Running away won't change who I am. I'm sorry for blaming you for my own shortcomings. I'm sorry for holding you back all of that time. When I said goodbye I told you it would be for the best. For your sake. I was sickened to discover I was right.

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Remembering

"October is my favorite season." Like it was yesterday.

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I'm sorry for holding you back

I thought we were perfect for one another.

I still think about the pumpkins, about the sandwich, about my partner in crime.

You always have been the well adjusted one. Now it’s time for me to dwell on the mistakes and broken promises. I thought I could move forward and start anew but you were right. I’ll never stop crying until I make peace with my past. Something I’m still a lifetime away from accomplishing.

There is no starting over. There are just more skeletons to hide.

I hope you are happy. You truly deserve it.

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It was supposed to last forever.

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yay wildlife.