𝖜𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖉 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖘.

Can you see me? I can barely see myself. Are we only Empty frames up on the shelf? It's like we're dreaming wide awake. Everything bends until it breaks. Can we recover? Can we get over this? Are we too deep in the night to see the day? Can we recover? Can we get over this? Are we too frozen inside to feel the flame? Empty vapour Where there used to be our view. Cloudy layers When the sky was crystal blue.

[misskamala]

― Leigh Bardugo, Six of Crows

[lostmemorics-blog]

JAMES.

He stood firm, his gun lowered by his side, his posture unthreatening, and waited for Natalia to follow his lead. Admittedly, Bucky was surprised when she didn’t choose to do so. Rather than lower her gun, she kept it aimed at him, and he couldn’t help but feel a pang of hurt. So this was the nature of their relationship. It wasn’t a surprise, not really, but it still shook him to the core. She had been his best friend, his lover, and his most loyal ally for years, it was strange that she saw him as an adversary now. His finger fingered the trigger on his rifle, his training and love for her at war, but ultimately he didn’t shift his position. 

He would not hurt her, not again. Natalia had suffered too much on his account. 

This is personal. Well, at least she had that part right. He’d come here for her, as foolish as it felt now, with the hope that he could shield her from the worst of the memories that came with this place. He, on the other hand, could not be protected. Bucky remembered it all, the harsh training, loving her, and the even harsher punishment. “I’m not trying to get in your way, Romanoff,” he replied with a shrug of his shoulder, “I’ve got my own objectives.” A pause. “But if we’re working on similar missions, it wouldn’t hurt to help each other out.” She knew he was capable, she’d told him that much before. In truth, it was all that he could do to keep his expression casual despite the hurt that made his chest feel far too tight. “I’d love to, he deserves it, but the Red Room is a national security concern. If they’re still up to something down here, we’ve got to know about it.” A half truth, but it was true enough to get by. Or so he hoped. 

His frown only deepened when she mentioned that she didn’t want to hurt him. He didn’t see why she needed to hurt him, he wasn’t an enemy, but this was what she’d been trained for. It was simply the Black Widow’s nature to be ruthless. ”I’m not your enemy,” Bucky reminded her, trying to keep his tone as calm as his expression, but he struggled on both counts. How was he supposed to act unaffected when he was faced with Natalia? He wanted desperately to help, but she wouldn’t have it. “It doesn’t have to come to that. I’m good at keeping a secret,” he murmured, “but if you leave me for dead down here, I can’t guarantee that the guys who come to pick me up will be.” It wasn’t meant to be a threat, more of a reminder. That was how SHIELD operated, after all. If one of their soldiers went down, it was all the more reason to look into the issue. 

Something about this didn’t feel right. Natalia would usually threaten people without any trace of remorse but having her gun pointed at him felt like a mistake. Trust your instincts, Natalia. They have never failed you before. But how could she be sure that he could be trusted? He couldn’t have known the real reason why she was here, what will happen when he finds out? There was something deep inside her that told her he will always be more than an ally, a person she can trust. That he will always have her back. It felt like she was missing some details, like she couldn’t remember something important and that bothered her. Just like a spider, the Black Widow was supposed to build her web based on facts, on other people’s weaknesses but how could she do that when she knew she was missing something?

He was right, it would be better to keep him around but that had nothing to do with his mission. It was easier for her to see what he’s up to while he is by her side.

“Fine. Try to keep up,” she agreed by nodding her head and lowering her gun. It was not like she wanted the entire S.H.I.E.L.D. agency to follow her around this haunted place. For some reason, having Bucky by her side felt slightly relaxing. It was confusing and she needed answers as soon as possible. Lucky for her, she was very good when it came to getting answers without asking any questions. She just had to wait and stay focused, the truth will eventually reach the surface, just like it always does. “But don’t make me regret it.” Even though she knew that it wasn’t the case, she felt the need to warn him that her mission was not only dangerous, but also selfish. He claimed that he was not the enemy. Truth to be told, Natalia didn’t know who the enemy is anymore. It was hard to tell the difference between right and wrong when everything was covered in lies and nothing was as it seems to be. There was only one thing she knew for sure — people were either with her, or against her. There was no in between when it came to that and the Winter Soldier had just expressed his wish to fight by her side.

Besides, maybe she could shut down this program for good with his help. Department X did some horrible things to her, to all their twenty eight students. Nobody deserved to go through all that. If there was the slightest chance that she could prevent other young women from being brainwashed and turned into weapons, she’d take it without a doubt. The Red Room had been shut down for a reason and it should stay that way. Its memory shall die with the last survivor. “This building hides all of its secrets in plain sight, keep your eyes wide open and you shall see. Also, expect some company sooner or later. If what you say it’s true, if the Red Room has been brought back to life, then there’s no way we can get out of here without a fight. Now follow me.” Her gun was once again in its holster and she gestured for him to come closer and follow her lead.

[678i0u]

[akurotori]

“I realise nobody’s coming to save me. I must save myself. I must be my own superhero. Although I am open to a sidekick.”

― Karen Salmansohn

[buckynatashas]

[museinspo]

“CHORUS: And the grace of the gods (I’m pretty sure) is a grace that comes by violence.”

— Aeschylus, Agamemnon (tr. Anne Carson)

[thoranda]

[keigo-birdies]

KGB Agent Ex-SHIELD Agent Avenger

“Truth is a matter of circumstance. It’s not all things to all people at all times. Neither am I.”

Here’s my first solo Natasha edit! Really proud of this one.

[jungshoseok]

We were both weapons once… to be used.

[wiiidow]

Black Widow in the Summer of Heroes at Disney California Adventure Park.

[starkked]

[notahammer]

Deathless, Catherynne M. Valente

[678i0u]

“How many more jobs… How long will it take… I don’t know if I can do it… Even if I could forgive myself… This is what I am now. And you’ll never know who I was before.”

[notahammer]

We were both weapons once… to be used.

[lostmemorics-blog]

JAMES.

Bucky was always impressed by the fluidity of her movements. She was graceful when dancing, of course, but Natalia was equally graceful as she withdrew her firearm from its holster. All of that training they’d undergone together in this very enclosure, was still evident in the way that she reacted, but she had taken everything that he had taught her and made it her own. The Black Widow was beautiful and deadly, where the Winter Soldier was only the latter. No one had ever bothered to teach him how to move with style, or flair, he was little more than a killing machine. 

It took a moment before he recognized the situation as a threat. Were she anyone else, Bucky would have already shot, his finger was over the trigger after all, but she was Natalia. They had been partners for years, both intimately and in scraps, and he wasn’t accustomed to this newfound wariness. Above all, he was supposed to be able to trust her. As if to prove his point, Bucky lowered his weapon to his side and removed his finger from the trigger. He was not her enemy, and though she might not see him as an ally, he certainly wouldn’t hurt her. 

Not again. 

“Following you?” He sputtered, a bit surprised by her accusation. She wasn’t wrong, exactly. Bucky had kept an eye on Natalia ever since he’d refused to let the doctors go through with another procedure, ever since he’d let her go, if only because he couldn’t bear to see her fight these battles alone. They were supposed to be in this together. “I had orders to check this place out,” he replied, trying to sound cool and collected, though it was difficult to do in her presence. “We’d gotten word that one of these old facilities might still be running.” That was why she’d come too, or something akin to that. Fury had ordered him to come, and he’d accepted knowing that Natalia would be here. “Guess you got the same tip.”

Under any other circumstances, Natalia would have put her gun down, but this wasn’t the case. She was not here as an Avenger, no. She was on the other side of the law the law this time. Her weapon was still pointed at him, even though she had no intention of shooting him. The fact that he was here could only make things harder for her. She couldn’t risk having her secrets exposed to the world, her past should stay hidden for good.

Failing to complete the task was not an option. There was nothing she loathed more than knowing someone has something they could use against her. When it came to her, she always had the upper hand. If she didn’t, it was only a matter of time until she turns the tables. “This is personal, Barnes. Don’t stand in my way,” she warned him. She had to do this all by herself. No partner, no extraction team and no guarantee that she would make it out alive. She has to get her hands on that list but first, she must deal with the Winter Soldier.

“Tell Fury to mind his own damn business, the Red Room is none of his concern.” 

She was running out of time. Every second she spent in this building was nothing but a painful reminder of her days as a KGB agent. Those days might be long gone but her past always found its way back to her. “I don’t want to hurt you but this is not your fight.” This place held more dark secrets than you could count, gathering intel was no easy task but there was nothing the Black Widow couldn’t do. Unprincipled. That’s what they call her. A woman who doesn’t play by anybody’s rules, a game changer that would never hesitate. There was nothing that could stop her from doing what the Weeping Lion told her to do. S.H.I.E.L.D. had to step aside this time if they wanted to avoid any casualties. She didn’t know how they found out that the project was still active but that couldn’t mean anything good. How long would it take before somebody else gets the same tip? That would put her entire mission in jeopardy.

[lostmemorics-blog]

JAMES.

These were hallowed halls. Palatial and grand, built with the finest Soviet architecture in mind, as if to hide the purpose of this enclosure. Many decades ago, the Soviet Union had hosted twenty-eight young woman here, in the hopes of creating just one to be the Black Widow. And he, a lost American soldier, had been used to train them. Not only was he brilliant in hand to hand combat, but the Winter Soldier spoke in a perfect American accent, which the Soviets had wished for their trainees to learn. 

This was where he had met Natalia Romanova. 

The memories were foggy. Although the cube had restored the damage done by countless, horrific mind wipes, this place looked nothing like it had when they’d met. Cobwebs gathered high up in the corners of the hallways, streaming down like strange decorations, and little particles of dust whirled through the air like tiny dancers. Like her. He frowned. She was supposed to be here. Fury had alerted him to Natalia’s mission and had told him to keep an eye on her, but Bucky had taken it a step further, he wished to be here with her. 

A sound behind him drew Bucky’s attention, causing him to straighten slightly, his pale eyes narrowing into the darkness. His fingers tightened on his rifle, positioning his finger gently over the trigger in preparation of an attack. This was old training, older than these walls even. And there, in the light he saw her. Fuck. He hadn’t meant to be seen, but she was too good not to have spotted him already. So what was his excuse…? “Black Widow?” He murmured through the darkness, if only so she wouldn’t kill him on sight.

Coming here brought back so many memories. The Red Room turned her into a weapon, a cold-blooded murderer. A monster. She earned her Black Widow title here, code name given due to her ruthless effectiveness. They trained her to become a spy and she was one of the best students of the program. She never failed but the things she had done still haunt her everyday.

And she must atone for the horrible things she did.

She knew this place by heart. Everything was quiet, too quiet. The building had been abandoned but the ghosts from her past roamed free around the hallways. She had to get out of here. Her steps didn’t make any sound, she was as graceful as a ballerina. Natalia trusted her instincts and even though she couldn’t see anybody around here, she knew there was someone following her, watching her every step. Could it be a friend or a foe? With her luck, it was probably the latter.

Never leave your guard down, that was a lesson she will never forget. She made her way to one of the main hallways; her gut feeling guided her there. She saw a silhouette in the shadows. She had been right about it, she wasn’t alone here. There was no time for hesitation, not if she wanted to make it out alive, so she was ready to launch the attack, drawing out her gun and pointing it in the direction of the shadow. “Winter Soldier,” she replied in a low voice, immediately recognizing his voice. “How long have you been following me?” There was something familiar about this but she couldn’t tell what. It wasn’t just being here, it was something else. Something she couldn’t quite remember.

[marvelgifs]