In five days itās gonna be my 22nd birthday!
I was born on May 22nd, which it will be my golden birthday, and well, I guess Iām the only one excited for it. This is going to be a sad birthday due to how the situation is, how my family has been acting, and everything just feels like itās falling apart into a million pieces. When I first listened to Taylor Swiftās RED album. My favorite songs would be: Red, 22, and Stay stay stay.
Overtime, it became the album Iād listen to every time my birthday would come up. It always made me feel better and soon the songs I grew attached to the most were:
The Lucky One, The moment I knew and Begin Again.
āThe Lucky Oneā describes part of my life from transitioning to high school to adulthood, my parents stopped appreciating me in some ways, starting looking towards raising my siblings in a better manner, they didnāt want ādamaged goodsā like how I turned out. Theyād push me away as I longed to do more with my life. However it came with a price, theyād start to push me down, and I would try my best to hide because I just canāt take being hurt life I have in the past. As I grew older, I realized my parents just didnāt care anymore, yet cared enough to want to control how I felt. So now I just keep myself locked away in my room most of the time when Iām able to to prevent myself from getting hurt by their emotional abuse. Yet, somehow that makes me āluckyā to them? that I just shielded myself from getting hurt more. I just canāt put up with it.
āThe moment I knewā is a song that connects to a very heartbreaking memory from six years ago. Six years ago I turned sixteen, held my first big party with good people and friends. I felt like I was someone, but I kept waiting for that one person to be there. The one person I used to look up to as a kid, my older half brother. I wanted to have him meet my friends and tell everyone about stories of us as kids. He showed up, instead of a happy moment, he called me outside and yelled at me for ānotā thanking my mother for buying the food for the party. Even though I had. He called me a b***h and proceeded to leave me in front of my guests crying. Thatās when I realized that my half brother wasnāt my brother anymore. Everything I knew about him just disappeared and was replaced with a shell of what was that older brother I used to know.
āBegin againā is when I had my first birthday without my high school friends, I was alone at home. I wanted to skip my nineteenth birthday because I could still feel the sting from what my brother had done to make my birthdays just feel....horrible. Like I shouldnāt exist because I wasnāt wanted by anyone. I didnāt have anyone, my family was too busy and didnāt care that much. But then a year later, I found new friends and these people brought out the best in me. They took the time and energy to look past my shields and fear of people just leaving me or hurting me because of what had happened over the years.
I know this is a long shot, but I want to thank @taylorswift for being there for me during all those birthday moments, granted weāve never ever met, Taylor your music has really made a big impact on me and saved me countless times. I just wish you knew how much of a rolemodel youāve been to me. You inspired this autistic girl to find her place in this world.
Iām glad Iām able to turn 22, Iām happy I have the chance to live, and that I never gave up.
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