Lottie

17 - I mostly just talk about random things - Feel free to ask if we can be moots

[lottiessecretdiary]

INTRO POST

Basic info:

My name is Lottie

Im 17

Lesbian

She/Her

A few things about me: I love music and will listen to pretty much anything, I love movies. Mostly horror and action movies, I like anime as well, I love horror books and enjoy writing. I guess my aesthetic could be considered grunge (if I try hard enough), I’m kind of a shy person but I get to hide behind my blog so its fine

This blog is mainly just going to be used for me to express my thoughts and feelings. Ranging from thoughts about my sexuality, music, things going on in my life and whatever else I want to rant about. Anyone can interact at their own risk. My only ask is if you’re over eighteen or a guy don’t be weird. I guess the preferred age range to follow would be 16-19 but like I said you can interact at your own risk. I obviously won’t post pictures of myself or send pictures of myself.

Feel free to send asks.

I won’t judge you for anything you ask or talk about. Im a pretty east going person. Again like I said if you’re over eighteen or a guy don’t be weird in there. Everyone else have at it.

Spotify:

☆◇꧁ LOTTIE ꧂◇☆

User · ☆◇꧁ LOTTIE ꧂◇☆

I just made the account for this blog (so it's a little bare)

[lottiessecretdiary]

I FUCKING LOVE MUSIC SO MUCH OMG

I don't think I could survive without it and I'm not being dramatic. Music gives me so much serotonin. Like I find so much joy being in my room alone and listening to music. One of the ways I show my love for you or my appreciation for you is by making you a playlist or recommending songs for you to listen to. I hold music so close to my heart

[lottiessecretdiary]

Another long rant

I don't want a job. It's not because I'm lazy and just don't want to work, it's because I don't want to spend the rest of my life working forty hours a week for five days a week just to "retire" at the age of sixty. I want to live life when I'm young. Not live life when I'm old and can't do as much as I used to be able to do. I absolutely HATE the fact that throwing your life away and working your whole life is normalized. I hate how I can tell someone that I don't want to work for most of my life just to get by for them just to tell me "That's just how it is" maybe for you yeah. I want it to be different for me. Why should it be like that? Why am I supposed to be okay with the idea of working my life away? Not only that but the cost of living is so expensive now. A lot of people are living paycheck to paycheck and barley getting by. I want to be able to have things, and I want to be able to go on vacations and enjoy my life. I don't want to be miserable. I want to be able to work I job I love and enjoy going to. Yet most of the times the jobs people enjoy don't pay as much as a job that you would be miserable at. The job market sucks! I hate the idea of working for a corporation because that means I'm working to make an already rich person get even more rich and helping them take advantage of the less fortunate. Which brings me to the topic of working for yourself. Whether that be creating your own business or some form of content creation. I honestly wouldn't mind doing some form of content creation. Something like commentary videos doesn't sound too bad at this point. The worst that could happen is nothing. I just stay at zero subscribers and not go anywhere with the channel. The best thing that could happen is for the videos to take off. Once that happens it opens the door for monetization or brand deals (which is kind of contradicting to my previous statement). At least then I could be making money doing something I enjoy. I know that eventually I do want to start making content because like I said I want to be able to enjoy working. I don't want to come home feeling burnt out. It's unfortunate that so many people miss out on living a fun life and enjoying it because they spend their whole lives working. I want my life to look different. I don't want to be trapped working a job that either requires so much physical labor or a job that makes me feel miserable just for a few cents over minimum wage. I sure as hell don't want to spend forty hours a week working for sixty years.

[lottiessecretdiary]

My cramps are making me feel like shit. I’m so fucking nauseous and in pain. IM SO SICK OF THIS SHIT BRO

Although I’d rather have the worst cramps of my life than bleed. I genuinely feel disgusting every time I get my period because I’m just bleeding from my god damn pussy ALLLLLL DAY EVERY DAY FOR ONE WEEK EVERY MONTH

[lottiessecretdiary]

So I got a new outfit thats WAY out of my comfort zone. I typically look like a chud. I like wearing baggier clothes like ripped jeans and graphic t-shirts and hoodies. But today I decided to venture out of my comfort zone and I got a long skirt and a button up. It deadass took me an hour to figure out how to style the button up with the skirt. And I still don’t like the way it looks on my body. I’m still learning on accepting myself and my body and the way I look. I’m going out tomorrow and I’m going to wear the outfit. HOPEFULLY I don’t get really self conscious while out in the outfit. It’s a really cute outfit though

[secretlyangelicdoll-k]

who cares if its mainstream or niche?? what matters is if u actually enjoy it instead of trying to look cool :/

[lottiessecretdiary]

Kate Spade New York Bloom smells so good. I typically don’t like floral fragrances but HOLY its heavenly

[babyybluejeans]

okay but why do I always start holding my boobs when I'm stressed

[lottiessecretdiary]

My cat almost broke my glasses

And she’s trying to hunt me

[sugarcoatedmouth]

anyone else feel like ghost jackie in this scene when they see their friends change? just me?

[lottiessecretdiary]

Woke up to a pretty bad thunderstorm. Now I have an excuse to stay all cozy in bed for a while until I have to get up

[lottiessecretdiary]

Long Rant (sorry about that)

The other day my therapist said that I put so much energy into people and don't get that energy reciprocated, and I've been thinking about that a lot recently. I noticed it a while ago, but I always wanted to deny it because I always create excuses for everyone else. One of my best friends hasn't texted me to ask how I've been in over a year. She usually only texts me when she needs advice on her relationship or when she needs to rant about something. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she trusts me enough to tell me about things happening in her life, but it gets exhausting. I know I sound entitled and two faced because I just said I'm glad, she reaches out to me and then instantly said its exhausting. I just feel like my willingness to help her is being taken advantage of. When I talk to her about myself, I get the most uninterested responses. Even when I was crying to her and telling her that my other best friend was moving away, she sounded uninterested. I also noticed how overlooked I am in my main friend group. Theres five of us in total. That already leaves room for someone to be left out. They're always hanging out together. Yet when I ask any of them to hang out, I'm always turned down because they're busy doing something with everyone else. Again, I know I sound entitled because it sounds like I'm getting upset with them because I'm not able to join them. In reality I'm mad because they don't even think about me. I literally heard them talking about a group hang out right in front of me. They all looked at me and then continued planning it. No one asked about inviting me. But then they say that they wish we could hang out more or wish that we could be closer. They wish for all of that but then completely ignore me when planning group hang outs. They don't just ignore me when it comes to hang outs. They ignore me when I'm sitting right next to them trying to add in to a conversation we're all having. We were talking about a movie we had all watched and every time I went to add something I was cut off and when I was able to talk, they would just ignore my input. Out of all my friends I could count on a few fingers which ones I know truly appreciate me, and one of them is moving away. I still love them and that's the part that hurts me. That's why I've been thinking so much about what my therapist said the other day, because it's true. I give out so much love and energy for all my friends and only two reciprocate it. I don't want to lose them because they mean so much to me, but I don't know how much longer I can go with them ignoring me and only talking to me when they want to rant about something. I'm sorry if this makes me sound like a horrible person and a horrible friend. I just don't know what to do or how to feel about this situation anymore. Am I the problem here?

[princesswaves]

can we start a movement against creepy old men on tumblr claiming they’re sugar daddies please it’s stressing me the fuck out

[notonelover]

[lottiessecretdiary]

Literally me everyday

[lottiessecretdiary]

“Don’t die for me love I gotta show you something”

[lottiessecretdiary]

I want a girlfriend. I just don’t think I’m a dating type of person though. Like I can do romantic gestures like saying I love you and holding your hand but I’m not sure I mean it in a romantic sense. I think I’d much rather have a relationship that focuses on having n a deep understanding of the other person while still being able to hold hands and say I love you rather than have a relationship thats just purely based around romance. Idk if any of that makes sense to anyone else or if I’m just losing it

[lottiessecretdiary]

These lyrics also speak to me

The overall theme of the song is about refusing to be casually used by a partner and or to refuse yourself to be easily available for someone who doesn’t value or commit in the relationship