and i'd marry you, harry

do small things with great love.

[fatretard]

[8392019938]

“omg why are you crying?” “the economy, bro”

[inkskinned]

anyone else get a fuzzy-restless feeling when you need to do something but your brain won’t focus on anything and you’re silently begging yourself to just do one thing but instead you’re scrolling tumblr even though you don’t even want to be … it’s like your head is filled with heavy electric cotton like you’re both uncomfy and unable to stop

[fromthemindofatwentyorotherlycan]

This is the best damn description of executive dysfunction I have ever heard

[gwennovynne]

who else just wants to fuck off and living in animal crossing. my neighbor is a bird. i sold three pieces of fruit and bought a sofa with the profit. caught butterflies for two straight hours. my debt exists but the debtor literally doesn’t give a single flying fuck. i wanna go drink coffee at a cafe where it’s served to me by a Gentle pigeon. everyone is happy like 99% of the time unless you whack em with a net or something idk

[oikawaonline-deactivated2022080]

Andy Samberg Shares His Rejected Golden Globes Jokes.

[fairycosmos]

i hate applying for jobs because the employers are always like: do you enjoy working in a stressful environment???? do you strive for unobtainable standards of perfection???? are you good at dealing with people that make you feel extremely uncomfortable??? do you mind losing real hours of your life in order to make minimum wage?? are you a fan of capitalism??? do you love selling your soul just so you can afford to live???

[lynati]

[slavery]

Not enough people named WOLFGANG these days smh what’s with that

[rabbit-exe]

I had an uncle named Wolfgang but he’s a goat does that count

[definitelynotclayface]

[gablehood]

me, driving down the road: I am so much happier now that I'm dead. Technically, missing. Soon to be presumed dead. Gone. And my lying, cheating, obvlivious--

my driving instructor: please stop doing that

[hourgloss]

can netflix make an interactive episode of friends where i have the option to kill ross geller

[timetravelonion]

I dont know what to say. I’m at a ,’ , |,’_’ for words

[jnxi-reeeee-deactivated20180515]

i went to this guys house this weekend and slept on his couch n woke up to this cat standing on my tummy and i said “aww i didnt know you had a cat” and he said “yeah her names bev” then he paused and said “short for beverage”

[1o9]

Hey. Sup. I’m Raven, your acid bath princess of the darkness. I’m Tara. And we’re sitting here in Tara’s room rocking out to MCR and celebrating 2009 or the new year which we don’t really understand why people are making such a big deal about it because really, one more year is one more year that everyone’s closer to death (death). Whatever suit yourself humanity. Congratulations. Yeah, when you’re closer to death.

[cannibalchicken]

[anotherpapercut]

apparently my boss who is a professor at my school doesn’t have a cell phone and his coworkers were upset by this so they bought him a childs toy phone and labeled it “David’s jitterbug” (for those of you that don’t know jitterbugs are phones made for old people that have like massive buttons and shit) so the other day I walked into his office to ask him a question and he pressed a button on it which made it start loudly playing the ABCs and he said “excuse me I have to take this” and then started singing along to the ABCs while shooing me out of his office

[anotherpapercut]

this is the phone. he apparently was in the middle of a meeting with the department the other day and got annoyed so he pressed a button, said “I have to take this” and left

[beka-tiddalik]

David’s co-workers probably: “This is a valid tactic to embarrass him into buying a mobile phone, right?”

David: “Bold of you to assume that I get embarrassed.”

[encoffin]

[sic-s3mper-tyrannis]