if i posted my rusame ramblings to tumblr would anyone gaf or read themā¦ iāve got a LOT of stuff like character analysis, original au rants, or scenario/headcanon ramblings.
SOMETIMES i post them on twitter but no one on twitter rlly reads rambling threads š idk ill post an example hereā¦ hereās one i just wrote about touch starvation rusame (this is like, to an egregiously obvious extent a projection, but it works well enough i think lol)
touch starved alfred being extremely lonely and deprived of genuine affection (but too prideful to ask for it) so he resorts to desperately and pathetically begging ivan for it non-verbally; heāll rub his head on his shoulder like a cat, or stand uncomfortably close to the point russia has to put an arm around him to be comfortable, stuff like that.
i think ivan would really love it tooā heās even more touch starved than alfred is, and everyone except for america is scared of him. to see someone so willingly and desperately seek him out makes his heart melt and it makes him feel so happy. i think heād get some cuteness agression or intense happiness and like, smush alfred in a bone crushing hug. and alfred would love it so so much because itās exactly what he needs. ĖįµĖ their need for affection and subsequent joy at getting it is so extreme that they fuel each other into oblivionā¦ the same kind of mutual feeding the flame that caused the cold warš theyāre the most extreme in the world, theyāre crazyā¦ but perfect for each otherā¦
i also think it would be important to alfred that ivan wants to be affectionate w him just as much as alfred wants that affectionā hence part of why he doesnāt want to ask for it. it would be great, but not enough, if ivan just did it because alfred asked him to. he wants ivan to truly want to do those things. he constantly has the world bowing down to him and glazing him, giving him handshakes and stuff, but none of that is genuine. itās all to get something out of him or gain his favor, not genuine affection and wanting to be around him. to alfred, it hurts more than if people just didnāt talk to him at all.
a little off topic quick, but i think alfred and ivanās different kinds of isolation provide an interesting conflict in their relationship. alfred might feel like being left alone hurts less than being constantly surrounded but never loved, whilst ivan would be outraged by that sentiment due to the isolation heās been left in for his whole life. ugh rusame and how polar opposite they are yet theyāre also exactly the same.. so much in common yet so little trustā¦
but anyways, i think thatās also why his begging for affection is baiting ivan into giving it rather than alfred always forcing it on him like he does with other people. for example with kiku, he forces physical affection and proximity on him (wrapping his arm around his shoulders, shaking him, etc) because he knows kiku would never give it himself, because he doesnāt want to. but alfred wants ivan to want to do it. he wants him to make the first real move so that he knows ivan isnāt just doing it because he has no choice. (donāt get me wrong, i think alfred totally āforcesā physical affection on ivan in the same way a lot, but here im referring to when heās starved for genuine affection. when he really needs genuine physical affection, itās the one time he wonāt force it on someone, because he wants them to do it.)
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