I have held humanity at the tips of my fingers, while they hold it on the tips of their tongues. While something hard passes through, some inverted moment, something out of place and their control, words spill out like little children.
People love to talk. We love to hear ourselves speak in relation to others. These are all moments. People come across me and they enlighten me. People speak of islands, skies, rubies and pearls. They lighten my load and glisten my skin. People talk. Their words roll over me and I believe what they say because I am giving them everything back to them. But why, why do they say it.
I have had so many people tell me things from top to bottom of what theyâll do, what we will do, what is going to happen and what weâll make happen. They will say anything so that the moment will pass I have realized. Itâs easier to say you will do something and assure somebody for an immediate positive response than it is to tell them the truth, which is that they probably wonât get around to doing it and wasnât even planning to in the first place. People love to do this to me. How do I trust anything or anybody when everything you say is hollow, means nothing but to please my moment. I am so sad at this, because sometimes it takes me days, months, years to even realize what theyâve doneâŠor I should say, havenât done. Though, if I become aware of this too much, wonât I be jaded? If I convince myself to never believe what people tell me, if I train my mind to do that? I want to believe because I truly do believe in people because I believe in myself and that alone is one of the hardest feats a person can conquer.
This is coming from a place of hurt and hurt alone. There have been no solid lessons that Iâve learned yet because I believe that would mean to alleviate myself of all prospective opportunities that show up around me. That is against my nature and I would like to see people through. I have lost so many people on my way to the place I am at right now, which as a whole, is a really amazing place. Its mental and itâs not all that spiritual. The work is spiritual, but I live a pretty materialistic life besides the work. As for the ones I have lost, I believe that I canât get you back, at least not in the way that would serve us both. But there is purity in it and I have nothing but love for them. I have beacons of purity in my life and they are people.
Right now I am feeling hurt and it is difficult to form a voice for today. I have things I need to do that will be done. I have many people to see who I will see and even more that I will be. This is the path to that and if we can remind our hurt selves of that then we are one hair away from believing that.
Speak to me what you will, but whisper to me shortly afterward if itâs not the truth .
-September 2, 2016 (yesterday)
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