ANUPTAPHOBIA @love-vs-payne - Tumblr Blog

The man who is meant to be your husband won’t make you wait and wonder. He will be open and forthcoming and yours. You’ll know it.

kushandwisdom

One minute they ache to touch you, the next day they want nothing to do with you. Feelings are a fickle thing. You want answers, you need closure, and now you’re laying awake at night trying to hold yourself together because you allowed yourself to be vulnerable. You are full of love for someone who saw what you had to offer – and they decided they didn’t want it. This, an unbearable version of the many forms of loneliness.

N.M.Sanchez (via thelovenotebook)

I Love You... Forever

It’s been a while. I don’t really know what made me want to come back here and reminisce today, but I did and tears are running down my face as I remember the hurt and pain that I felt writing many of these posts. I wish the me today could go back and wrap my arms around myself during those dark days. I wish I could tell myself all of the things that I’d tell someone I love. You are enough. You are love. You deserve love. You are loved. While I still struggle even today, I’m still so sad for the trauma I’ve had to endure along the way. But, note to self, I love you forever and always.

He texted me last night just to reiterate to me that he doesn’t think we’re meant to be. Random and unsolicited like wtf? That shit is insulting g and hurtful. He’s already said he feels that way many times before and it’s been 3 years at this point, I’m clear about that now, so why tf would he text me just to bring it up? It’s like adding insult to injury. He can’t tell me why he cheated or why things went awry, but he can have a feeling we weren’t meant to be? That’s just an easy excuse for someone who dint want to do right by the relationship. It never stood a fair chance from the beginning, but it’s no use if me even equating my breath to say that to a person who will never reflect deeply enough about his actions and how they affect other people. To know that you put your all into something, literally everything you had to give and then some and that wasn’t reciprocated only to have that person question the validity of your relationship is hurtful and insulting, but it at least let’s me know why he cheated. His heart was never fully in it. He was always questioning “what if” which opened the door to be unfaithful. And considering how we became a couple I’m not surprised. It’s my karma for being an idiot and hanging on a man’s every word. I was al about him and he was all about himself. The realest shit he ever told me was when he said I gave him too much power over me. I didn’t think it was power, but love. He was right though. After being Broken in ways I wouldn’t wish on anyone, I have my power back. He can question if we were meant to be or not to make himself feel better, but the truth is he couldn’t be consistent or all in and that’s why things didn’t work. Ain’t shit him work out when a person is Half assing. He just reminded me that he ain’t ever think I was worth the effort, the a accountability, the unconditional love and I will damn near be fucked up forever because as a result of that experience. He really could have kept that damn thought to hisself. I’m tired.

love-vs-payne

I have to break my own toxic behavioral patterns. They are destroying me. I attract people who do not value me or my time or my energy. Maybe I don’t value those tings within myself and that’s why I keep meeting the same fate?

love-vs-payne

Whew. Revelation, much?

It’s been a while, a long while...

I have so much to share.

I fell in love and I wanted him to be my person so badly that my very existence depended on him. Nothing looked right, felt right, seemed right if he and I weren’t in sync. I was so desperate for his love and affection that I would endure madness in nearly any form just to have him. I was even willing to share. A piece was better than none at all. Then one day he was mine, all mine, or so I thought. Until I realized he wasn’t. The agony of that revelation that had been years in the making still pains me to this day. Everyday, actually. In what felt like a second and eternity all at the same time, my forever was shattered. Everyone was choosing him and no one was choosing me, not even myself. So, I was left alone with the one person I feared having to share a space with... me. My heart was left behind shattered among all the broken pieces of my hopes for the future. 2 years later, and I’m still trying to recover...

Silence becomes disturbing after a while. Something like torture.

I just want to not be treated like a throw away, for once and forever.

bernadettelogue

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I have to break my own toxic behavioral patterns. They are destroying me. I attract people who do not value me or my time or my energy. Maybe I don’t value those things within myself and that’s why I keep meeting the same fate?

It’s been a long time...

qvotable

“I think about you. But I don’t say it anymore.”

— Marguerite Duras // Hiroshima Mon Amour

thelovejournals

““We just got to accept that some people can only be in our hearts, not in our lives.””

— - Kathy B.

I feel like something is missing and I’m just unhappy. I don’t know what I need to fix it but I don’t like how I feel.

kushandwizdom

“The strongest drug that exists for a human is another human being.”

— (via goodquoteco)

wordsnquotes

“Life doesn’t always introduce you to the people you want to meet. Sometimes life puts you in touch with the people you need to meet – to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, and to gradually strengthen you into the person you were meant to become.”

— Anonymous Wisdom | @wordsnquotes

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