She is beginning to understand what it means to “stop looking for it”. That is, to stop looking for love. Up until now, she had believed in the concept of manifesting desires - if you want it with your heart and soul it will come to you. She kept trying to make sense out of every interaction she had with the men she met and the men she already knew. It’s like she believed everything must mean something and be of kismet.
The truth is, she wanted to believe anything. She wanted to believe the last man that came home with her wanted to see her again. She wanted to believe the good friend could become her lover. She wanted to believe each guy who seemed to like her as much as she liked him would be worthy of her trust. She kept giving chances where she saw them.
It’s hard to stop wanting something when you know you want it so badly and immediately. Patience is a virtue she has not yet mastered, even now as she passes her mid-twenties. She has felt so much shame when told by friends that by actively looking for love, she is hindering her chance of finding it at all. She also felt betrayed by the universe whenever her attempts to have faith and “manifest her desires” were denied.
So she stopped looking.
But now that she has stopped, she spends her days afraid she’ll miss the one she has been waiting for all this time.
turnnoffyourmind
amandla
stormborns
origamiaround
