lover of the light;

just another human, being. here to express not to impress.

[loveerofthelight]

I’ve missed this! Haven’t logged on in years. Will be getting back into this!

If you don’t follow me on IG please do! @lowkeyleila

[loveerofthelight]

It’s been awhile.

[loveerofthelight]

I don’t think I have ever been more stressed in my life. Many times I want to just give up but I think about how much I would hate myself for not doing everything I can to push through.

[loveerofthelight]

A few weeks ago I walked in my school’s commencement and I waited for this moment so that my family could be there to watch me. 

I loved having my family with me, especially my mom. It was hard saying goodbye to my family but it will only be a few more months until I can see them again.

[thecraziethewizard]

“Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go.”

— Anonymous (via wnq-anonymous)

[loveerofthelight]

Only in America

people have to think twice about sending their child(ren) off to school and hoping that someone won’t shoot it up.

[loveerofthelight]

Spin class.

I’ve been going to spin classes once a week for the past three weeks and I really enjoy it.

The first class I did, I legit died but I stayed the entire class.

The second class was waaaaaay better. I am wanting to go at least twice a week once this term is done (this week).

I was excited to see that they have spin classes in Japan too!

I am also joining the Women’s Soccer club on base and they are starting intramural soon. I have never played soccer in my life nor do I know anything about soccer lmao but I’m going to try!

Anyways, I am just trying to be more active and meet more people (even though we are leaving in a few months haha).

[loveerofthelight]

This song reminds me of my grandma. She would always sing or hum this song.

[loveerofthelight]

Konnichiwa

We are headed to Japan!

It’s been a busy week with work, school, and finding out we’re moving to Japan later this year.

At first they had told us we didn’t get overseas. The next day they gave us a stateside list to choose from which we planned to submit the next morning. Picked our stateside list. The next morning they told us we got Japan!

We’ve got a report date today so things are slowly feeling real. I’m still really nervous about Kaia flying but i am excited for our next adventure!

[loveerofthelight]

Big changes are coming up in the next few months. I am nervous/anxious/excited and scared but everything happens for a reason. Right?

[loveerofthelight]

Thank you Jesus

that my brother and my brother in law both have babies because my mom and MIL have stopped asking us when we’re going to have babies.

Shit was getting old lol. My mom asked once and encouraged us to wait but my MIL asked us like every time we saw her which is quite frequent since we live closer to them now than we did in HI (obviously lol).

I told Matt last night that if we did get stationed back in HI in the next few years, I would not mind having a kid then because my family will be there. Other than that I don’t want kids for another 5 years.

I’m going to be that cool old mom hahahaha.

[loveerofthelight]

Cliché NY Resolutions.

Eat healthier

Read more [I am half way done with my first book of the year!]

Exercise more 

Travel more

Be more financially responsible

Bake more

Cook more

[loveerofthelight]

First semester.

My first semester in grad school was not as bad as I thought it would be. I learned a lot from both classes even though they were “electives”. I wanted to get A’s in both classes but I got a B- (SAD FACE) in my International Relations class *SIGH*

[loveerofthelight]

I went to the gym yesterday for the first time in almost a year. My anxiety was not as bad as it usually is when I am there but it felt nice to be back in the gym. I want to be healthier. I plan to go the gym once a week (as a start) before work.

[loveerofthelight]

If we have to stay stateside I am hoping for Tacoma, Sacramento OR even Colorado Springs.

Any where but the east coast because I am ready to peace out LOL.

[loveerofthelight]

Grad. School.

It’s different than what I’ve been used to in my undergrad.

The past two years for my undergrad, I’ve been doing strictly online and I’ve gotten used to it. It required a lot more work but luckily the last year of my undergrad. I was able to just focus on school.

Anyways, coming into grad school I was nervous since I will be taking classes in person again. My first semester I am taking two classes (electives) and they’ve been very interesting.

My first class is an international relations class on terrorism (lone wolves and homegrown threats). There are three people in the class including myself lol which I don’t mind. At times I do feel out of place because most of these people have experience and knowledge in the field and well this isn’t my degree so I’m coming in with a different mind set. Thankfully it makes for a good discussion having a different perspective and background (aka none lmao).

My second class is a Management class that focuses on Women Managers. It is a lot more interesting than it sounds. This is my bigger class and I am by far the youngest person in my class. I don’t normally mind this part but during discussions you can tell that I am a lot younger than everyone else in the class. Sometimes it’s a negative thing (in my opinion lol). Everyone in my class have retired from their first career (the military) and are now in their second or third career. Meanwhile, I am just starting my “first” career. So sometimes it’s a bit difficult during discussions, etc.

One thing I do notice working and going to grad school is that many of these students are VERY needy. I’ve working with students of ALL ages (kinder to middle and high school) but wow lol. I can’t sometimes with these crazy requests I get from students or the things they complain about.

Many of them complain about the workload. For example, in my international class. Students complained that we had a 10-12 page research paper and a in class final exam that required us to WRITE. They complained about the MAYBE 20 pages a week we have to read. LIKE WUT?! I’ve read more in my undergrad (so far) on a weekly basis than my grad. studies. Like having to read 100+ pages a week for one class. OR having to write two 10-12 research papers in ONE class. I don’t know if I am just still used to my undergrad work that my expectations are higher? Because I still feel like I am supposed to be doing something every day (like I did in my undergrad) or like I am forgetting an assignment lol.

Anyways, this was a long sort of useless post.

[loveerofthelight]

♥

Tomorrow is also my grandma’s birthday. It will be the first birthday since she has passed. I’ve been thinking about tomorrow for the past couple of weeks and as time gets closer to the day the more I become emotional.

Every year for as long as I can remember her birthday fell on Thanksgiving or close to it and we would all celebrate them both together as a family.

Thinking about holidays and how my grandma won’t be here anymore makes me sad. She was our matriarch, the person who started us in prayer (the ONLY time I prayed), basically the light in the room. I haven’t been home since her funeral and I probably won’t be home for another year or so.

I don’t know how I will be tomorrow if I think about it being her birthday since we will be having guests over but I will try my best to hold my shit together lol.

I miss my grandma every single day. Tomorrow will be a hard day. I can already feel my throat tightening and my eyes watering.