777

j++ just know that’d i die for you

[loveletterstowhoever]

if you love me take care of yourself

[loveletterstowhoever]

one day someone will ask if i ever been in love and i’ll feel you in my throat for the last time. ill act like i didn’t pray that one day your snoring would be my alarm clock, like i’m still not waiting for you to figure it all out, like these distractions really work. i’ll remember the times i went to war for you, then against you. one day someone will ask if i’ve ever been in love and ill bite my own tongue off before i say your name again.

[loveletterstowhoever]

ashes to ashes, i’ll be gone before dusk. if youre lucky, ill write you. if you’re even luckier, ill write about you. i went to war with myself and became a pacifist. the sky is red, but im waving my white flag all the way home.

[loveletterstowhoever]

open letters to those i’ve ever loved

#1. the one thing i couldn’t give you was something i couldn’t change. i’m still sorry. my best friend. the prototype. my get high and stargaze partner. the person id call if i was on who wants to be a millionaire. thank you for teaching me so much in such little time.

#2. i dream about you and keep it a secret. i always think what could’ve been if i met you before all of this. i’d fix all of this for you if you let me, but its your battle. i pray for you every night still. if anyone comes back i hope its you.

#3. we don’t talk anymore so i use your toothbrush instead. i wear your clothes until they don’t smell like you anymore. i want to keep you safe. id spend my whole life in your back pocket if you let me.

#2. you’re back and worse than before. i told you i couldve fixed this...im sorry for what i had to do but you’re no good for me. leave my heart on 35th when you’re done with it, you need it more than i do now. take care of yourself.

[loveletterstowhoever]

do you believe in heaven

of course i do as long as there’s no you. and i dont live in a house made of things i never said. my heaven is raining love over streets paved with reciprocation. this is the holiest place and i say grace before i go to sleep.

[loveletterstowhoever]

i realized why i cant “get over” him bc honestly i have hella love for him and never met someone like him i always been so closed off and it just felt so safe and like the right thing to do. this was the first time ive went with my heart and it was the best worst time. i never was able to pour myself into someone without feeling like i was embarrassing myself. for once i didn’t feel like i needed to be the “bigger person”. he wasn’t a libility or only stuck around bc im so resourceful. he taught me a lot i dont think ive met someone else smarter than me who wasn’t condescending before. like our whole relationship was so transparent and honest. ive never had someone be open about their intentions with me and be 100% honest. ive been working so hard on letting my guard down and being intimate with people and it felt so nice for once. like being with him is dumb but i learned so much shit mostly about myself. me in love is a sappy submissive dumb bitch but i love it. it kinda sucks he was just a lesson in life like i really liked him and we were good for eachother in every aspect but communication. i knew it was going to end before it even started but im so grateful for him.

[loveletterstowhoever]

i painted my room blue

so i’d write more and sleep less

i dream just so i can see you

and my journal sits on the shelf

[loveletterstowhoever]

the rain reminds me of you, and i leave for seattle soon

[loveletterstowhoever]

[loveletterstowhoever]

i havent been able to finish a peice in months but im sad so im reposting all my shit.