Mothering Without The Calling
I have been blessed to be a mother and I love my boys - the toddler tugging on my arm, and the tiny one inside of me, kicking my ribs as I write. Every moment with my children is incredibly precious to me, and therefore I don't have much to say on the well-covered topic of being present with your children while they are young.
I do, however, have some thoughts on the ministry/calling of motherhood in the Kingdom of God.
I have been at home with Lucas full time for almost two years. In this time, I have felt bored, guilting for feeling bored, busy, guilty for feeling busy, and finally determined to find some balance as I prepare to enter another season of sleepless newborn nights while working part-time from home and desiring a deeper use of my spiritual gifts.
Time and again, I have heard people say, "This is just a season. Once your kids are in school all day, then you will have time to pursue your interests again." This is a fine, rational line of thinking if I was concerned about my stamp collection or even my career, but my concern is the seemingly built-in excuse that is offered to me as a young mother to pause all other ministry and disciple-making while I focus solely on the two children in my home. I am unsure about stepping back from my gifts for a decade or more - gifts that were prophesied, encouraged, and cultivated before I became a mother.
Then I also have to weigh the worthy lives of those mothers who truly feel that they have been called by God to make their primary ministry in their home, raising God-loving children and managing the many moving parts and activities that accompany them. I don't feel any disdain for this category of women. In fact, I more often have to check my envy. I have never felt this assignment come to me from the Spirit, even when directly petitioned. It has always been clear to me that my spiritual gifts and talents are meant to be used for those outside of my family unit as well.
But I am a mother (and wanted to be one) despite my lacking assurance of calling into the field. And that role undoubtedly comes with a deep sense of Kingdom responsibility, even if not my primary ministry, that I desire to embrace.
Motherhood as a Gift
It is clear from scripture that children are a gift, as is the ability to bear them. Solomon even requests that I fill my quiver with them (archery lessons for the next play date, anyone?). This position is one of thankfulness and reverence toward a God that has entrusted me with two of His very own children whom He formed.
Motherhood as an Act of Obedience
You are to be fruitful and multiply. And once you do multiply, you are to talk about the Word of God with your children "when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise" (Deuteronomy 6:7b). These are commandments that require sacrifice of personal space, time, and comfort. As I long for a little another avenue to use my spiritual gifts, there is the temptation to linger in discontentment over a daily life that is no longer my own. Rather the two have to remain separate if I am to be obedient.
Motherhood as a Means of Discipleship
My two boys are sinful. (You may say to me, "But Mary, Elijah isn't even born yet." I am well aware of this. And I also know scripture says that we are born into sin, but this little one is kicking my bladder at three in the morning, so if he is saved, he is not yet following commandment number five.) I hunger for them to both know the salvation and faithfulness of the Lord, and each time I lay Lucas down for a nap and he asks me to pray to Jesus, I am deeply satisfied in my soul. Creating a daily routine in hopes of discipling two lives seems almost inefficient to me at times, but there is life in it and I rejoice.
Motherhood as Liturgy
Christ and his character are certainly found in the mundane routines of motherhood. Each time I quiet myself enough to hear, the Spirit is centering me through the simple acts folding laundry, cutting grapes in half, or reading one more book. This role of mothering is also a very physical one, drawing my attention back to a God who longed so deeply to connect with us that he became flesh and dwelled among us. And when my back aches from carrying a child inside and out, I am reminded of God's assignment to the sons of Kohath in the tribe of Levi, who were given no wagons or animals to help them as they carried the tabernacle. They were asked to carry the dwelling of the Lord Most High on their shoulders (Numbers 7:9). My sons, as well, are created as tabernacles and I serve my King as I carry them.
Regardless of my primary ministry, there is a beautiful upside-down-Kingdom aspect to embracing the God-given role of mother. My prayer is only that I would be aware of it as God reveals his good and perfect plan for me.