tw

safe space for myself + hopefully my recovery account one day

[tackled]

[ana-and-anxiety]

So now that I weight 171.5 pounds, exactly halfway to my goal weight, I’m gonna tell y’all what has changed so far.

Collar bones are here and fucking gorgeous, although they’re not as prominent as they can be

I haven’t tightened my watch since I started and guess what? That shit is hella loose

My face is not round, like it looks like I actually have cheek bones now

My double chin? Practically gone unless I’m looking all the way down

I used to be able to see my back fat (literally cringed while typing that) through my shirts, but now I don’t even have the rolls

My boobs stick out farther than my stomach, so tighter clothes are now kinda cute, as well as baggy clothes

I’ve barley lost my butt, but with the weigh loss in other places makes it look bigger

I can wrap my fingers around my wrist and my fingers touch! Which is a huge thing because I have extremely small hands

Speaking of hands, I can see the tendons in them move now. Sometimes I just wiggles my fingers and stare at them move

Still on the topic of hands: veins. I can see so many veins now that there’s not a shit ton of fat on my hands

I can feel my hip bones, if I’m laying right, I can see them

It’s starting to get uncomfortable to sit for too long

I’m. Always. Cold.

I can feel my ribs and find myself randomly touching them

People have started staring at me, and they’ll smile when we make eye contact

All my clothes are baggy now, and it’s actually a cute look

I’ve been called tiny by multiple people and every time I can’t stop smiling

Exercise is so easy now that I’ve lost almost 80 pounds

I feel so much better

[character-amount]

my safe foods

1. apples - 95kcal, I cut them up into tiny pieces to take longer

2. bananas - 105kcal (over 100 but is only 0.39g of fat and full of healthy nutrients)

3. avocados - 80kcal per ¼ of a whole avocado, high in fat but it’s mostly unsaturated and also is really good to have a little of when eating under 400kcal a day to get in daily nutrients

4. honey - 70kcal per 1 serving (1 tablespoon), I eat this with my apples or bananas– it is high in sugar though

5. cucumbers - 45kcal is one whole cucumber, I usually eat ¼ (about 11kcal) of a cucumber a day and slice them up really thin

6. celery - 6kcals in a whole stick, I eat a stick every day that I don’t eat cucumbers– sometimes eat it with peanut butter if I’m counting it as a full meal

7. peanut butter - 188kcal per serving size (2 tablespoons), I usually eat half of the serving size (1 tablespoon), which is 94kcal, with celery or apple slices

8. eggs - 78kcal per one whole egg, I never eat them without the yolk like I know lots of other anas do, I always have them scrambled with some pepper or cheese

9. cheddar cheese - 113kcals per one slice, a bit high in calories but I eat this with apple slices or on my egg for a <200kcal breakfast most days; fun fact: the lowest cal common cheese is Swiss, but it’s still over 100kcal so I usually just stick with cheddar

10. scones - a small blueberry scone is usually only 50kcal

11. peanut butter cookies - most kinds of cookie are actually under 100kcal, I just know how to make peanut butter cookies the best so I eat them the most often

12. bacon - 43kcal per 1 slice, I need to get my protein in

13. beef jerky - usually between 70 and 90kcal a serving, again just trying to get some meat in my system

14. ICE sparkling drink - 0kcal, I don’t like the taste of Diet Coke, green tea, or black coffee and I don’t like all the chemicals in energy drinks like Monster of Bang so I drink like five ICE drinks a day, they taste really good for sparkling water I swear

15. Wrigley’s gum - sugerfree, one stick has 5kcal

This whole list is basically all the foods I ever eat, when I restrict really low it’s super important to me that I’m still getting my daily intake of as many different nutrients as I can, and my family is really into organic/Whole Foods type stuff anyway so that’s mostly what I eat.

When I’m restricting a lot I’ll usually eat one meal per day of a few things that aren’t on this list:

-1 mini bagel (125) with 2 tablespoons of cream cheese (110), 2 slices of deli turkey (58), and ¼ of an avocado (80). total: 373kcal

-1 banana (105) and 1 apple (95) sliced in a bowl with 1 tablespoon of honey (70). total: 270

-2 small slices of sourdough bread (160) with 1 tablespoon each of honey (70) and peanut butter (94). total: 324

(the last two meals don’t have a lot of protein so I might also eat a little bit of beef jerky (70-90kcal) and for the very last one I would eat ¼ of a cucumber (11kcal) at some point in the day as well)

[diet-death]

nobody-

not a single soul-

not even god himself-

me- BiG sKiNnY

[29kcals]

Once I get a flat stomach,is over for u bitches

(Bitches being my low-ass self esteem)

[expectxresistance]

I have lost over 63lbs by now and it's time to talk about the things that really change. The good and the bad & what i've learnt so far

> Collarbones. Actual visible collarbones. Wasn't sure i had any until around 30lbs ago

> when i sit at the edge of my seat with my legs close together, there is s gap between my upper thighs

> EVERYONE notices. From your mother to that person you talked to once in class. They all notice. Most won't say anything until the topic comes up but they notice and respect you for it either way

> when you lose a lot of weight fast, everyone initially asks how you do it and urges you to keep going but once you lose more than 30lbs over a short span of time, they will often drop the question whether you're eating enough. This might sound fucked up but i like their concern

> while on the topic, my gf keeps always makes sure if i've eaten enough and it makes me feel special and small

> when i wear hoodies now, they aren't tight and i don't look lazy. I look comfy

> ALL my clothes are too big. Which is great but also annoying. Most of my pants (esp pyjama pants) are actually falling off my hips and i don't have money to buy new things lol)

> i am very tense if i don't get to cook and eat exactly what i planned on for the day. Mealplanning is exhausting

> i get dizzy every. single. time i get up. Seeing stars and vision getting completely dark sort of dizzy

> i drink waaaaay too much diet soda. It's probably super unhealthy

> men treat me differently. They open doors, smile at me, compliment me and are more willing to do little favours. I'm super gay and don't give a shit but it's still nice

> i try to only work out in the mornings bc restricting leaves me with no energy to train in the evenings

> i get super uncomfortable when people ask me 'how i'm doing this' bc. Like. Karen, i'm starving myself

> sometimes i look in the mirror and see my incredible progress and actually like who's looking back at me

> sometimes i look in the mirror and it legit looks like i haven't lost a single pound

> everything over 100cals makes me uneasy

> i am obsessed with food related media. Everything from mukbangs to my 600lbs life

> i really enjoy watching my friends and family eat what i can't

> weight fluctuates A LOT during the week/day. Weighing myself everyday for months sort of gave me an insight into how the body works that way

> halo top is a lifesaver

> 200cals of crisps is not the same as 200cals of veggies

> protein is the holy grail of losing weight

> 'i' m gonna eat sth there'/'i already ate at home' always works

> NEVER purge. Restrict and work out. We wanna be skinny, not dead

> i am ALWAYS cold. Rn i'm wearing a hoodie and hiding under two blankets with the heating on right next to me. Guess what. I'm fucking cold

> in the long run, having some high cal days with friends and family is worth it. You'll still reach your goal. Don't ostracise yourself completely. We all need support

> green tea. Y'all know what's up

If you ever need someone to talk to, pls don't hesitate to text me on here!

[dreamsofthinness]

me finding out I misread the calories on something I already ate

[shigarakey]

me: ugh, my lips are so dry…

ed: how many calories are in your chapstick?

me: I… I hate you… *googles*

[waterenthusiastthings]

I like going to school because then I’m distracted and I don’t eat much, when I’m at home I eat like a pig :(

[yes-please2k18]

I told my roommate I was hungry and I joked and said I didn’t know if I was hungry or bored and said that that’s such a fat-person thing to say :))) I guess now it’ll be easier to not eat because I’ll be too afraid she’ll say something

[crimson-calories]

anorexic me: if i don’t do 317 sit ups i will literally die

depressed me: if i move a single muscle i will literally die

[underonehundred]

97 pounds; 18.0

[42412934]

Wishin i was a flower so i could just sit on the ground eatin sun lookin cute n shit

[yucksavedd]

52!!!!!!!!!!!! What the fuck!!!!!!!!!!

[mayday-mae]

BIG psa

Idk how many ana's know this but prune juice!! Higher calories beware, BUT... just 8oz of it will move your digestive system along better than a laxative, and quickly too I deff recommend it if you wanna shit but don't have access to lax! I consider this more harm reduction than encouragement,, it is a much safer option than purging w laxatives imo.

[sa-ku-ra-lat-te]

Guess who lost a ton of weight even though she’s on her period? Me uwu✨🎀 I’m so happy💕

☁️✨like to see a lower number on the scale tomorrow✨☁️

[vonluftundliebe]

my therapist was like “you know that what you’re doing is slowly killing yourself right” the other night and I was just like…