Helen Talks!!

This is a personal blog to detail my venture into starting Newcastle uni, being an animal science student, moving out and my love of fashion I suppose

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This Halloween night was so needed even tho I was only there for 2 hours. I had my first uni test that even my mentor when I told him about it thought it was bad. None of us finished it - and we all got terrible marks. Even tho it’s only worth 3% the fact it was so bad caused my panic attacks to be so bad I really questioned if I could do this - It was a bad weekend. I’m sorry to the boyfriend who watched me break down - bless him. But I did have this weekend to chill out and play after all Halloween in the UK it definitely for the big kids.

Q&A a day - today I made …..

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Welcome to the six o'clock news, I’m your anchor; Hansolo Ittouchestheground. Our top story today: a freak explosion at miniature western town ended up tragically with a security guard with small plastic horses stuck in his rectum. Doctor’s describe his condition as stable.

Colin Mochrie, still my favorite news anchor (via donnaclaireholmes)

I love whose line is it anyway - I have for so long , must be about 20 years

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Bio-chemistry hell

Bio-chemistry is not fun. This is the one subject I'm finding stupidity hard - I've never been much of a chemistry girl but I'll keep rolling on I'm sure. I have my first bio-Chem practical tomorrow and that's nerve racking, especially when 4 of us had been assigned to the one lab place so that'll be fun to sort out in the morning. But right now I'm happy. I'm lying here listening to my boyfriend talk about naked monks in his sleep (WTF lol ), watching pretty little liars when getting ready to sleep. I'm going home tomorrow too and I can't wait to see my baby doggy girl. Q&A a day - Write a haiku about you're day (5 syllables/ 7 syllables/ 5 syllables)?

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I just feel really alienated right now - I know it's just a weird mood but I actually got upset walking around town yesterday cos I just want to be away from people. Thanks James for not letting me not talk to you about it when I needed to x

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Strange day

Had a long weekend this week - was off Monday. However that day was took up with a routine check up ultrasound to check an ulcer on my Kidney. Thankfully everything's still ok and I still don't get any side affects because of it. However being with my boyfriend Thursday and Friday before being back at home until late Monday has put me in a funny mood. I think it's a feeling of not belonging anywhere anymore. Being back at the flat has just hit my anxiety hard. I've kinda been put back to how I first felt a couple of weeks ago, not wanting to leave my room if the others are in the living room and not wanting to socialise with them. They're lovely put I just feel put out being back. And lonely - I feel lonely. The big problem with anxiety is that if its up you worry about everything and dwell on the things you'd rather not think about. On the plus side I bought a bike lol. Now to break the 10 years of never being on one - wish me luck. Also saw another Chris Ramsey DVD recording last Wednesday - it was amazing - thanks to the bestie for coming with me. Q & A a day- I have no patience for ________??

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Getting Ready

Proper Lectures start next week and that does scare me but for the first time I feel ready. Friday was a good day even after the horrible news of losing my dog the night before. We went to Kirkley Hall for an adventure day and team bonding. It started with arriving there at 9:30 and taking the time to be put into groups of 10. We knew these groups would properly become important to future friendships so luckily I got put with fellow animal science girls and a great bunch they were. We had Archery first, sports day team event second (we were crap), low ropes third (adventure course holding hands), rock climbing fourth (we killed it), high ropes fifth (for made to do all of it) and then the zoo. A chilled end to the day. Going home was hard, not having lollie there. It's been hard seeing how badly sweeties took it. They're were litter sisters so never apart for 15 years. She just sits and stares, she's so unsettled. She even curled up with the cat last night and that never happens. Now I'm back at uni waiting for the boyfriend for a film night, girlfriends choice. Q&A a day- Describe your love life in 3 words??

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:( Today I lost my little baby - poor lollie she hadn't been well for a long time but I gave her the best years of her life I know that.

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Half way through the first week at uni - and the verdict- loving it. After being out of learning for 5 years being back actually feels amazing. Coming from being ill and having an almost nervous breakdown to feeling this positive and challenged is a life saver. It was scary being scared (as childish as that sounds) every second of the day so right now life seems to be going places. Also loving the shops. Actually being in a place I can walk everywhere is so new to me and I'm living it to the max. And there's nothing like cut price makeup, expensive makeup and abit of charity shop shopping to settle a girl in. But bed time for me and day off tomorrow thankfully. Nothing like knocking off the alarm. Q & A a day - How do you get out of a rut?

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Starting the uni life I'm fully enrolled now and thankfully I'm pleased with my student ID photo. Visiting the uni for the first time yesterday was good, it's amazing how beautiful it is, the buildings are stunning. I did spend my first night mostly looking out the window at my amazing view. My room gets lit up by the changing colours on the millennium bridge and coming from a rural town, seeing everything lit up is stunning. However I was very thankful to be able to spent last night with my boyfriend. We had an impromptu date night where he treated me to a beautiful, very fancy restaurant and then we just got to spend the rest of the night chilling with my flat to ourselves. That's new to me, I'm far too used to getting up with my elderly dogs every 30 mins trying to guess why they're crying. James was glad to not be disturbed by them too. Now I'm enjoying, again, the flat to myself trying not to give in to the urge to drive home, especially as I'm going back on Thursday anyway for my flu vacs- darn asthma. I'm also enjoying my 2nd book by Kerri Smith- Finish This Book, it's amazing, see above lol Q&A a day - Today was amusing because ______?

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Moving Day That's it all moved in - took most of the day and a lot of trips up and down a lot of stairs - stairs that well and truly killed me by the way but it's done. I'm now laid on my bed watching the Sacconejolys vlog building up the courage to actually talk to people. I must admit I did get a bit teary when I was leaving the house and my baby doggies behind because they follow me everywhere I go. Although find of the day was the IKEA storage I've used for my makeup - lovin it. Yeah it's gonna take some getting used to!! Q&A a day- when's the last time you went dancing?

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Moving on

Visiting my new student accommodation and moving stuff in last night actually really helped to make me feel better and not more nervous like I feared. Moving the rest of my stuff and myself in this Thursday so this is it really - it's all starting. Annoyingly just as I'm feeling better about this something else really makes me feel like giving up but there you go, apparently you can't have everything. Q&A a day - Where do you think your road is going?

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Wedding Day This weekend (last weekend before moving away) was quite a good one, excluding the nervous breakdown I had on Friday. But I had an excuse to get dressed up nice and dance which doesn’t happen often, but it was my cousin’s wedding so that’s always an excuse for a big family party, and trust me,my dads family can party (proper northern :P ) The wedding was lovely, and it’s strange the older you get the more emotional you get at weddings. Although I didn’t cry and I’m proud lol. It was also a nice thing to have the weekend before going to uni, just to catch up with everyone especially as I don’t have a lot of family on my mams side. And speaking of moving, I’m dropping off my first lot of stuff at my new uni flat tonight. It still scares me, not knowing if emotionally I’ll be able to cope, but I am feeling better with it. I’ll have to take some photos, the view from my window is amazing though, I’m right on the key side with the millennium bridge and the Balic art gallery in front of me, not bad. I suppose we’ll find out how well I’ll cope next Thursday, wish me luck. Q&A a day - What’s your favourite television show? 
Outfit - new look dress

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Last night was awesome. Chris Ramsey was brilliant and to be with my boyfriend watching it was even better, although that boy loves to walk my feet off. It was really cool seeing something being filmed and what that actually entails. Visited my boyfriends uni halls as well and I'm kinda glad the halls didn't work out for me although actually walking to my place, picking the keys up and signing what needed to be signed made it far too real this morning and I must admit I was on the verge of a panic attack all day and I hate it. Even sat here now I still feel weird - I just hate being scared !! OOTD - all leather lol - my leather trousers from M&S and my top from Next Q&A a day - Who can help you??

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Meeting my brother and his wife was actually amazing, I could see how happy my dad was and that's the best. Andrew's (my brother) wife was brilliant, she never stopped talking which is a good thing for me because I get so shy around people I don't know. Plus they wanna help me out when I move to Newcastle. I've added a little pub lunch OOTD and the pub was really good although no one had the squirrel or the zebra lol - no joke For some reason on the night my anxiety was so high and dark :/ but soon enough I think I'll have grip on it again. Especially as I'm on the bus travelling to Newcastle for a darn good night with the boyfriend, plus sorting and seeing my flat tomorrow- wish me luck!!!

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Everything's sorted

It’s weird it goes from not knowing what’s happening with everything uni wise and getting completely stressed and drowned with the worry and the waiting, to everything coming in today and everything being sorted. Today I got my plan for the introduction week from the 28th including a team bonding trip, finding out I had my student finance and the crap amount of maintenance I have but we wouldn’t talk about that and I found out I definitely have a place and I can move in any time from tomorrow ( I had to phone them to find that out :/ ) But my god I’m terrified, I don’t even want to think about it, I just hope I’m doing the right thing because right now I don’t know. Seeing my dad and my long lost brother I guess you could call him tomorrow but for tonight a bath and chill is in order after I feed my snake lol.

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That's the boyfriend gone home - I love having him here we don't see each other nearly enough but lucky it's just until Sunday's date day. I've been looking at the pictures for the Chris Ramsey gig and I'm so excited for it - it's tiny ^^^ see above lol and James (the boyfriend) is getting his new student accommodation tomorrow so maybe a sleepover is called for. Made plans to see the brother I've only remembered seeing once before on Saturday with my dad, which should be good, nervous but good. So all in all this weekend is ago after having these lovely chill out days just for James and I.

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Hitting me hard

God watching 24 hours in A&E just hit me hard out of the blue lol - sitting here weeping like a baby. Watching a daughter sitting by the bed of her father who’s had a Stoke after suffering a burst brain aneurism, not knowing what’s gonna happen just reminds me you never forget that feeling. Thankfully it’s been nearly 5 years since my dad had his bleed in the brain and Stoke. He had a 10% chance of just surviving never mind staying the person that he was. And thank God he did, he’s my hero - and he loves using brain damage as an excuse to do things:P Thanks for being strong enough to survive Dad and thanks to the amazing NHS that kept him with us.