Loving An Addict 101

[lovinganaddict101]

I Answered His Call Today

Yeah, I did. He called and I answered. I just needed to hear his voice. Maybe one day I will finally be in a place where I won’t feel the absolute need to answer him when he calls. I’ve done good though. Before today I hadn’t talked to him on the phone in days. Doesn’t sound like a lot of progress does it? Except for me it is. There was a time a year ago I would have dropped everything and went running around hunting him down. Knocking on doors of known dope houses like I belonged there. Looking for him. Begging him to come home. Threatening to cause a scene and have the police come. Or physically dragging whatever woman answered the door out of the house so I could beat her ass. 

Oh yes. I did all of those things. I made a fool out of myself more time than I can count. Today though, I answered the phone and he told me Happy Valentine’s Day. I wanted to cry. This is not how we were supposed to spend this day. Not at all. And I told him Happy Valentine’s Day, and then I went silent. Waiting for the real reason he called. It didn’t take long, he wanted a ride. He didn’t have anyone to come get him from his hotel room and it was check out time. 

Now this is the part where I would like very much to tell you all I hung up and didn’t go get him. But I would be lying. And I am many things, but a liar is not one of them. I loaded up the dog and went and got him. I took the dog because he may not love me, or at least he doesn’t love me the way I would like for him to love me But he loves the dog, and I know he is going through things. I am not the easiest person to love or be with. And if I was in his shoes I know I would be wanting some kind of comfort. While I cannot bring myself to hold him and tell him to come home, that everything will be okay. I can let him see the dog and get the kind of unconditional love only a dog can give. 

And I did want to see him. I can’t help it. I do love him. But you all would be proud of me. Because I made small talk. I didn’t beg for him to tell me he loved me. I didn’t beg him to come home. I didn’t beg him to give up the drugs. I didn’t beg him. I didn’t cry. I didn’t yell. I didn’t bargain. I just gave him a ride. 

Now did I want to do all of those things I didn’t do? Yes, a million times yes. Did it hurt to see him and know that he had become a stranger to me? Yes. Did it hurt that he is throwing away our marriage, and throwing my love and support back in my face? Yes. Enough it is almost crippling to me. 

It is my hope that through all of this, one day we can at least be friends again. He doesn’t have to be with me, married to me, or in love with me. But what I do want for him is for him to be safe, to be happy, to be sober, and to be something in this life. If he can’t be all of that with me, that’s okay. I will find a way to move past it. 

In the meantime it hurts like a bitch though. But hey, personal growth over here. Or I think so anyways. 

[lovinganaddict101]

get the word out

Okay lovely people, go share the blog! Share it to your social media, text it to your friends. Write it on the bathroom stalls! Just kidding about that last part, don’t let me get you in trouble. :D But help me get this out there, I know there are people who need to read some of this. They need to know they’re not alone. 

[lovinganaddict101]

Don’t look back

My first therapy session is next Sunday. I never thought I would say this, but I am looking forward to it. Who knew? 

I don’t think I really have a lot of wisdom, or life lessons to impart today. Just thoughts I guess. Not sure if I have mentioned this before or not, but if someone consistently shows you who they are, eventually you need to accept that. You need to accept that they are the way they are, and they obviously have no desire to change. That’s not to say they can’t change. But right now in this moment, they’re not. And then you have to make a decision. Do you keep letting them do you the way they do? Or do you say enough is enough and move forward? 

If you decided you are going to move forward then don’t look back. Pull yourself together, hold your head up high, and move on with your life. You deserve better than the lies. You deserve better than the infidelity. You deserve better than the emotional abuse. Or the mental, or physical abuse. You deserve better. You deserve the world. 

I talked with a friend of mine the other night who had gone through similar things in her marriage as I am going through now. And I asked her when she knew enough was enough? When she knew to throw in the towel? She told me it took her the better part of a decade, but one day she realized her husband was the only one in her life who treated her the way he did, or the only person in her life that did the things he did. And she was tired of making an exception for him. 

Ya’ll when I tell you that hit me like a ton of bricks, I mean I felt like I had just been knocked on the floor and felt dumb as shit. Because she was right. I’ve been making an exception for my husband for years. The whole time we’ve been together. I do not run around with active drug users, I do not have (current) criminals in my circle of friends. I do not hang around with drug dealers. Now in my very small circle of friends there are people from all walks of life. I’ve got a very good friend of mine who is a felon, he went to prison for drug trafficking. He’s been clean and leads a crime free life and has for years now. I have a friend of mine who used to be a heroin addicted prostitute. Got a friend who went to prison for assault charges, among various other things. Point is, I am literally a no judgement zone. I hold no one’s past against them. But their all doing  right now. 

Not my husband. He still finds some kind of allure to the street life. Hunniiii the streets raised me, and I want no part of them any longer. Ain’t nothing out there on the streets but homelessness, death, and drugs. What about that is appealing? Nothing. 

So I am going to go to my therapy sessions, I am going to work, I am going to clean my house, cook my meals, take care of my dog, and move forward. To me there is nothing else to do. It’s taken me a few rounds of this non sense with him to finally accept the pattern, and accept he is who he is. But I see it. I am trying to accept it. And I am going to find a way to move forward. One way or the other. Because life goes on. It doesn’t stop just because I am broken hearted, or because I feel like my heart is being ripped from my body. 

So for those who have reached the point they’re ready to move forward. Do it. Don’t look back. There is nothing for us there. The path forward though? It has everything. So go! Take it! You deserve all the good!

[lovinganaddict101]

Letting Go

Letting go is one of those things that is easier said than done. Most things when dealing with an addict are. Why? Because we love them. 

I personally am struggling right now. Trying to not send my husband a million messages a day. Just wanting to talk to him, to know he’s okay. To make him think about me as much as I think about him. To call him just to hear his voice. If I were to call him though, if I was to Facetime him, I would be so tempted to tell him to come home. I want to tell him to come home. I want to be able to roll over in my sleep and cuddle up to him, or wake up as he wraps his arm around me in his sleep. I want everything to go back to how it was when he was sober. 

That’s one of those things that is harder to actually do too though. If he were to call me a week from now and say he’d been clean for a week, and was going to rehab I would be ecstatic. But when he came home then I would be faced with trying to build things back to where they were, or better. He would have to work to rebuild my trust, and I would have to find ways to give him that trust. It’s not an easy process. because every time he leaves the house I am going to doubt whether or not he comes back home. Every time I see him texting someone I am going to think it’s one of these sack chasing hoes he’s been dealing with. 

The rebuilding process is maddening. So know this, if you make the decision to forgive an addict. If you make the decision to try again. If you make the decision to stick with them through the recovery process. You have to be all in. You cannot do anything half assed. You cannot say ‘Yes I forgive you.’ and then constantly throw the past in their face. You cannot tell them you trust them right off the bat, because you won’t. 

What helped me the time before this was setting some rules. I told my husband that any time I called I needed him to answer. I didn’t care if it was to say ‘Hey can’t talk right now give me five mins’ and then hang up. Because when he disappears and falls off the wagon he won’t answer my calls or messages. So him answering even to say he would have to call me back helped give me peace of mind. I didn’t sneak and get his phone to snoop. I told him if I ever asked to see it that he show me. And I asked that no matter what he come back home every day. 

That may not work for everyone. So think about what YOU need to make it work for you. Also take into consideration what your loved one needs, ask them. 

And then, there are times like this one I am in. I think this time is time to let go. When a person shows you over and over the person they are. At some point you have to believe them. It’s important that you still love yourself, and take care of yourself. 

Remember you are not alone. I am here. 

[lovinganaddict101]

Boundaries, It’s okay to have them

Loving an addict is a whole different ballgame my friends. However, like any loved one it is okay to set boundaries a nd stick by them. It’s even encouraged. It’s needed.

I saw my husband yesterday. We stood there and he held me for what felt like forever. I miss him. I wanted so badly to just tell him to come home, and crawl into bed and sleep. Or be intimate with him. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. Because there is a chance everything would have been fine for a few days, but then we would argue about something, and then he would probably go right back to using. And then he would come home and I would know he was high, and we would argue about that. It would just be the same pattern repeating. Never getting anywhere. In that situation who is benefiting? No one. Not him, and not me.

Instead I had to tell him again where I stood in all this. Me? I am going to counseling. I start this week I hope. I am doing this mainly for myself. There are parts of me I need to heal. I am also doing it for him. Hoping that one day he’ll get his shit together and the counseling would have helped make me a better person for him. Cause I gotta be honest, I had become a pretty toxic individual there for a bit. 

He told me the other night that I had done things, and made him feel unwanted, and that’s why he had started using again. He also told me before that, that he had started using again because he wanted to. Yet again last night he told me he had started using again because he couldn’t get the image of finding his late wife on their bathroom floor from a heroin OD. The thing is all of that is why he made the choice to use. I had to tell him when he said ‘You, you are the reason I use.’ that no I was not the reason. He was the reason. He made that choice. Did I do something to piss him off? Probably. Did I hurt his feelings in some way? Yes. But ultimately it was his choice to use. 

Boundaries and accountability. My husband when he uses, he doesn’t like to face me. I know he feels ashamed, but it’s also because I don’t let him try to pawn off his actions onto anyone else including me. I will take responsibility for MY actions, for the things I did to make him feel unwanted, or unloved, or whatever I did to piss him off. What I will not do is have him try to tell me it’s my fault he used. 

And that my friends is another thing. We have to accept that we are also human, and we make mistakes, and we are far from perfect just because we’re sober. We have to understand that the way they feel about something is valid, their feelings are real. Like with me and my husband, if I did something to make him feel unwanted I can’t tell him he shouldn’t feel that way. I can only apologize that I did make him feel that way. Just because I don’t at first glance see how I did make him feel that way, doesn’t make it any less real. Because the truth is, once he finally broke down and told me (communication is not his strong suit, he’s never had someone care enough to get him to communicate. They all just run, like he does) that I had made him feel unwanted, I then had to take a moment and look at things through his eyes. I had to stop and take a step back. And really take a moment and look at myself. 

I am not a lovey dovey type of person, in fact I am quite emotionally stunted. I do not show that I care in the traditional way women do. I am not all touchy feely, or very verbal about it. I show I care by working six and seven days a week to make sure we don’t go without things, I show I care by going without something I want to get him something I know he wants, or taking a moment to listen to a song he created and encourage him to do something with it. And when we sleep at night I don’t require cuddling, I don’t need him to tell me he loves me a million times a day, or for him to be up under my ass 24/7. But he needs most of those things, and I wasn’t giving it to him. It’s easy to put fault with someone else. And with addicts it’s super easy to try to act like we don’t play some part in why they use. It’s hard for me, because I don’t feel like I should have to coddle a grown man. Except it’s not coddling when it comes down to showing the man I married and want to spend my life with that I love him. 

So I am going to counseling, so I can be a better me for him, and make sure I can give him what he needs. After he gets it together, and is sober again, and able to give me the things I need in our marriage. I have to keep telling myself when, and not if. You gotta keep a positive mindset. 

Boundaries. Don’t be afraid to set them. Don’t be afraid to need them. My boundary right this second is simple. He can’t come home until he gets the help he needs and can show me that HE wants this to work as much as I do. He wants to come home? Well first of all you’re the one who left sir. I actually have to stop myself from saying that to him. Because it won’t help anything. But he wants to come home? Okay that’s fine. I want him to come home. Before that though, I need him to want this as much as I am. I haven’t gone to counseling before now, because I thought I was handling things rather well. But there is so much past trauma in my life that is still controlling me and how I handle things. I can’t do that anymore. And I have my husband to thank for opening my eyes to it. Am I doing better than I was before I met him? Yes! I see the progress. Am I where I want to be? No. Am I able to provide my part of a healthy relationship? Not as much as I thought I was. And that’s okay. 

It is okay people to be flawed. It is okay to not be the best person you can be. But what is not okay is knowing that you have these flaws, and not doing anything about it. We, the loved ones of the addicts, we have as much to do with their success as they do. Be supportive, understand your role in their lives, but be firm. Set those boundaries. 

You are not alone. I am here.

[lovinganaddict101]

Anon’s and Those seeking help

I accept any and all anons. Whether you need to vent, or whether you need advice, whatever it is you need I will try my best to help. I will help find you support groups near you. I will find you virtual support groups. I will find you literature. I will provide whatever I can find that will help. 

[lovinganaddict101]

Get the word out

For anyone who finds this Tumblr, or anyone who follows it. Please share it. It may help someone. It may find it’s way to someone who truly feels like they are alone and have no one who understands. It’s important for them to know they are not alone. 

[lovinganaddict101]

Admitting The Problem

So who all knows about the 12 steps? Anyone? Lemme tell you they’re a bitch. The road to recovery is exactly that. It is a road, it is a journey, and our loved ones aren’t just taking this journey alone. We’re on it with them. Different car, same road.

Let’s talk about that first step, the first rest area on the Interstate of Recovery. Admitting you have a problem. Well not really admitting you have the problem, but admitting you’re powerless over the addiction. Both of you, our loved one and us who are trying to go through this with them. 

We are human, we have many flaws. We have many strengths. However, put any of us up against addiction and we are powerless. Addiction will make you do and say things you wouldn’t in a million years say or do sober. I have friends who would steal and sell anything that they could get their hands on. Just to get high. I know people who would sell themselves for the CHANCE of being able to hit someone else’s pipe one time. People who would forget they had children at home who needed to eat dinner. People who would take their kids with them to the dope house, and forget they were outside in the car for hours. 

For those of us who are sober, we all sit here and think how things like that are possible. How could someone do that? That you could never. Truth is, that very easily could be you. It could be me. All it takes is one wrong choice. One trauma that you think you’ll never get past. One loss. Just one life changing event could set you down the same path. And then just like that, the blink of an eye, you’re the addict. It’s important we don’t forget that. 

Now, that feeling you have when you said you could never do the things that addicts do. That you could never be that person. As strong as you feel about that. Or better yet, think about this. You have a child, you nurture this child, you love this child, you try your best to instill this child with everything good that you know. You have devoted your life to raising a good human being. But one day your child grows up, and goes off into the world on their own. They meet someone, they settle down, and they start their own family. Then one night you get a phone call, it’s your baby and they’re crying and hysterical. You can’t make any sense out of what they’re telling you, but then it hits you. Your child, your heart, your whole world has just told you that they have lost their significant other. As their parent you want to do anything in your power to help them, to take this pain from them. To offer whatever comfort you can to them. So you don’t see at first that as time goes on your child is using drugs in an effort to escape the reality that they no longer have their significant other in this world with them. You give them money when they need it, let them move back home when they lost their job and their home. It’s not until you start having things come up missing that you begin to suspect what’s going on. But it’s the day the police call you and tell you they have found the family jewelry you filed a police report for when it came up missing. They tell you that it was at a pawn shop, and it was your child who sold them. 

But you’re still not ready to face the thing right in front of you. You’re still not ready to admit anything. Not until you come home and find your child laying in the bathroom floor with a needle still in their arm. Even then you’re telling yourself no. Seems like something right out of a movie doesn’t it? And that’s just a bare minimum scenario. Generally there is so much more going on behind the scenes. You don’t want to admit to the problem. Whether you’re the addict, or the loved one of an addict. because when you admit it, it becomes real. And there is no going back. You can’t ignore it anymore then. Admitting it is making the problem a reality. A harsh one.

But it’s the first step. And you will feel powerless. You will feel lost. You will feel alone. And you will feel afraid.  However, remember that with each step it will get easier. There are many places for support not only for the addicts in our lives, but for us. The family members, the spouses, the children of the addict. 

And I am here. You are not alone. 

[lovinganaddict101]

Sleepless Night

No one tells you about all the nights you’re not going to be able to sleep when you love an addict. How you’re going to toss and turn in your bed all night. How your mind will race with different scenarios.

They really don't tell you about crying yourself to sleep. Or how your heart and soul just...hurt.

When you love an addict you have to remember to love yourself too.

Because in their addiction they will not. They will love what you are willing to do for them. They will love that they can manipulate you into helping them chase their next high. They will love that they can rely on you. And the whole time you’re going to know it, you’ll know what they’re doing, but you’re going to tell yourself that they love you. That they care for you. And the sober them does. It’s the addict that doesn’t.

I understand there are many people in this world who can’t tell that difference. They see the addict and only see that...the addict. Yet there IS this completely different person deep down. The sober version of themselves, it’s in there. Constantly being beaten down by depression, anxiety, the addiction whatever it may be.

And don’t get me wrong, that sober version of them is def worth fighting for. So so much! If my husband were to go to rehab right now, after some time of living clean I would very much allow him another chance. Because he is worth fighting for. And an addict trying to get clean needs all the support they can get, because getting sober is not easy. Staying sober is not easy. But in the course of trying to offer them support, in fighting for them, you have to love yourself people. You have to take care of you. Because it is not only hard for the addict, but for the loved ones of the addict it is almost as draining for us. Their demons become our demons, the negative energy they bring home rubs off on us, the anger, the resentment, the depression that comes with battling addiction rubs off on the loved ones too.

Right now I should be sleeping. But I can’t. Because i toss and turn, missing the man who is supposed to share the bed with me. Missing the comfort of knowing he was laying there with me, safe. And my mind keeps turning the past few months over and over, making me wonder if I pushed too hard. Or if I said something to send him off the deep end again. Or did I not do enough? Or am I enough? God knows I do not have all the answers for those of you going through the same thing, but this isn’t my first round in this fight. I speak from experience. I speak from personal knowledge. And my hope is that it helps someone else. Because this, this has not been easy. Tomorrow I’ll tell you all about the second time he disappeared on me. Who knows I might get around to it in a few hours if I can’t sleep.

Remember...You are not alone! I am here. And you are enough.

[lovinganaddict101]

A Little Side Note

Trigger Warnings: This is a blog about addiction, and my journey of loving an addict. Please know this is not about to be all rainbows and unicorns and stuff. It is gonna get dark and twisty sometimes. I cuss like a sailor, so strong language. Often talk of drug overdoses, and death. The life of an addict can be one big trigger warning. So just know that before continuing. 

Addiction is still surrounded in a stigma. For a lot of people it is still taboo. You know sweep it under the rug so no one knows type deal? It’s more often than not deemed too difficult to face. 

You know what’s even more difficult to face? The causes of addiction. If someone comes to you and tells you that they use for this reason, or that reason, or bc the sky is blue. Idgaf...you stop and you listen. 

If they feel comfortable enough to even try to bring up the reason they use to you then listen. It’s simple, it’s one of the few things that is simple about addiction. Don’t make them feel like the reason is stupid or insignificant. This could be the first step for them in seeking help. 

If a person can find the cause, the root of their need to use, then the chances of their recovery lasting is drastically improved. 

Take my husband for example. His late wife passed away due to a heroin OD just three months after giving birth to their daughter. Did he use before that? Yes they both did, but they got clean together. Her death sent him on a spiral. And as he was the one who found her, it traumatized him a great deal. So the demons he was fighting before were made worse by this new trauma. He also did not get to grieve properly. A week after laying her to rest is when he was sent to prison and then on to work release. 

That type of situation is enough to send anyone into a dark place for a while. Life is hard, and it throws really shitty things our way. Not everyone is strong enough to get through the hard times without help from one substance or another.  

Treat addicts like they’re human beings. It’s hard enough to know what you’re doing, and know that more than likely you wouldn’t be doing those things if you were sober. Remember they do recover. And right now, right this very second they might not admit it. Hell they might not even realize it. But they need you, they need someone fighting for them. Believing in them. 

[lovinganaddict101]

Love Hurts

Stand firm. Tell them no. Mean it when you say it,

Sounds like a breeze right? 

God I wish it were. Folks if you are not an addict, whether in recovery or actively using, or you do not have a loved one who is...I envy you. So much it borders on something close to hate. That’s horrible isn’t it? Yet it’s true. 

My mother is a recovering addict. I was in high school and was working to help pay bills, and put myself and my sister through school. I didn’t get to have senior portraits made because I had to cover the light bill money that my mother had used for her habit. I didn’t get a class ring because I bought my sister’s school supplies. I pawned my guitar to buy groceries because like the light bill that money had been used for my mother’s habit. My father was a heavy drug user before he went to prison when I was one. My grandfather on my mother’s side was an alcoholic. My sister grew up and is an addict. Recovering thankfully, but still an addict. I myself have been on the cliff edge ready to just dive into the waters more times than I can count. And God help me but I don’t know how I have not taken that plunge. 

Sometimes I think about how nice it would feel to just for one moment not feel anything. That any price would be worth that short moment of peace. 

It’s not. In case you’re sitting here reading and wondering the same thing. It’s not. 

My husband, soon to be ex husband whenever we file for a divorce, is an addict. And he has fallen off the wagon. Again. 

When we met I knew nothing about him, nothing about his past, or what he had been through. But I knew he was a good man. He made me happy. He made me laugh. And I could see all this wonderful potential in him. I just knew he could do and be anything he wanted if he set his mind to it. He was in work release at the time, and we didn’t jump straight into dating when we met. I was so not in the right frame of mind for a relationship at the time. I hadn’t been divorced from my first husband, who by the way was a real piece of work, but for about 1 year and a half? Two years? So we became friends. Good friends, and as with anyone else I never passed judgement on him. I knew what he was in work release for, a drug charge. But I am that person that will not look at a person and see their past. I will go off of the person standing in front of me right that second. 

Months go by and we get closer, and the next thing I know we’re dating. And it’s wonderful. So wonderful it makes me cry to sit here and think about it. Which to some people will sound silly. But when you know...you know. When he got out of work release I knew that the chances of him relapsing were extremely high. I thought I was prepared, I mean hello? My mom?

I was so wrong. Just completely, and utterly wrong. I was in no way prepared to wake up in the middle of the night and find him gone, and not returning my calls. Hadn’t been on Facebook in hours. Then those hours turned into days. One day after work I came home and there he was sitting on my porch steps. His head hung down, arms wrapped around his knees. And he wouldn’t look at me. So I sat down beside him. Didn’t say a word. I just sat there with him. I remember all I wanted to do was yell at him and ask him if he knew what he had put me through. And cry because there he was. Safe and sound. 

I don’t remember how long we sat there but he finally looked over at me, and  I was so afraid to move or say anything. I didn’t want to send him running off again. A lot of the times when an addict comes to you it’s a lot like confronting a wounded wild animal. Sounds a little absurd doesn’t it? Until you’re in that position. The wrong tone of voice, the wrong words, the wrong body language. Anything can send them running for the hills. 

But he was looking at me and he was crying, and he told me that he hadn’t been able to bring himself to even turn his phone on. Because he was ashamed and he didn’t feel like he could withstand my disappointment in him. And he was having problems facing his own disappointment. Do ya’ll know how heartbreaking that can be? Not the fact that he is a man and he’s crying, which is enough to hurt my soul anyways. But the fact that he felt such shame that he couldn’t face me. I am supposed to be the one person he could come to at any time with anything. 

But oh...as much as I thought I knew about addiction. Man I should have seen this coming. Addicts know how to work people. They know what buttons  to push and what not to push. They know all the right things to say to get back into people’s good graces. Thinking back I wish I would have just put a stop to things right then, that moment. 

Love. It’s a killer. It’ll get you every time though. You won’t even know it, until after the fact. 

[lovinganaddict101]

Addiction Is Hard

So this will be a lot different than anything I have posted here before on Tumblr. I’ve been away from writing anything for quite a few years. I am hoping to get back to what brings me joy. I am hoping it helps me find myself again. 

Addiction is hard. Just like my title states. Nothing about it is easy. Not for the addict, not for the loved ones of the addict, and not even for the people who just know the addict in passing. It’s so easy to see someone when you’re out and about and look at them, pass judgement on them. Because there are obvious signs they’re an addict. Whether they’re addicted to heroin and passing out on the bus with an unlit cigarette in their mouth. Or the drunk pissing in the doorway of a store. How about the meth addict standing front of you at the grocery checkout who can’t stand still, or stop from gritting their teeth while they wait for their turn? 

You know what’s not easy though? Seeing those same people and actually knowing them. Knowing who they were when they were sober. What’s twice as hard is being married to someone and only knowing them sober, until one day you wake up and they’re not there. And they don’t come home for days, weeks, or months. Won’t answer their phone or messages because they’re too ashamed, and they don’t think they can face you after falling off the wagon. Not knowing that the whole time they’ve been gone you just hope and pray they call you and tell you to come get them. Or let you know they’re safe and they have somewhere, anywhere warm to sleep. Food to eat. 

It’s easy for people to just say “They need to get sober and go home.” or my personal favorite “Stop enabling them, that’s all you have to do.”

I wish it were so easy. I wish as easy as it is for us sober people, or the people looking in from the outside to say those things I wish with everything in me it were that easy to make a reality. When I tell you that addiction is hard...there really is no amount of describing it. Unless you’ve lived it. 

It is my hope that as I write about my journey of loving and being married to an addict that I will finally start to heal parts of myself, and to help those going through the same things. Or even an addict themselves. And know, that this is a no judgement zone. None whatsoever. I will never judge someone. But I will listen. Please don’t feel like you’re alone. Whatever the situation. You are not alone. I am here.