ahhh first angst evaaa (itâs really not that angsty)
omg guys hiii!! sorry for not posting for so long! i had SATs this month and it BUSTED my ass. iâve also had major writers block and just needed a quick break. but im back with a piece that ive been working on for a while. this is also a GENDER NEUTRAL PIECE. (omg and forgive me if it says she maybe once or twice bc im so used to writing fem reader that its hard for me to fix habit)
also, just a by the wayâ i take HEAVY inspiration off of songs and little things i hear. this one is HEAVILY inspired after a pinterest post i saw that said âi told the stars about you.â and also the love triangle with rafe, danny, and evelyn from pearl harbor. (tsitp reference as well) ok well i hope you enjoy! byeeee! xoxo, Lily.
you loved the sky.
i mean- no, you did. you knew it was corny and utterly ridiculous but what are you supposed to do? there is only so much to enjoy during the apocalypse.
most of your nights as a teenager, roaming the rotten streets all alone, were spent in high places. they were the safest in your opinion. on the top tree branches, guard towers leftover from whatever facility used to be there, or even just the roof of an abandoned house, with your boots and childhood stuffed toy tucked under your arm.
because of all these places you used to occupy, you always got a nice view of the sky. whether the pitch black starry sky, or the sunrise in the early morning when you had gotten (rudely) awakened by the sounds of biters growling below.
the stars always made you think of people you used to know. or just, people. you hadnât seen any alive ones in what felt like years. but the stars kept you company. each one telling a story of a lost soul that once lived before all this mess.
you liked to make up stories. stories about what your life couldâve been. and what other peopleâs lives were. how did it feel to be an actress? or a writer? i guess you would never know.
you felt alone. bored, hungry, tired, but mostly alone. the prison was your last experience with people. you had friends, people that made you feel like family. and you even had a boyfriend. âpuppy loveâ as daryl liked to call it. your cheeks blush a rosy color whenever you think about him. itâs wrong, you know it is. all of them are probably dead. you shouldnât be so stuck on the past. but they were the first good people you had ever met. even from before the apocalypse.
so what do you do when you lose people you love?
the answer for you was probably not the best one. you liked to not think about it. shut every feeling out until⊠well, you hadnât gotten there yet.
you didnât know what you were living for. was it the hope that one day you could find more people like them? or was it just the pure human instinct to survive?
whatever. your getting off track. survive. thatâs the only thing you need to think about right now. fight, live, survive.
it was a windy April day. or, at least you think. itâs hard to keep track of the months when your on the verge of of dying everyday. youâve been alone for almost 2 years now. your 15. or somewhere along those lines. (sorry if thatâs not canonically accurate but two years after the prison carl is around 15/16 i think so ya)
crazy right? two years by yourself. who wouldâve known you would have made it this far. Not you.
CARLS POV-
âdo you ever think about them?â I blurted out.
dad looked at me confused, head tilted giving than stern but curious signature Grimes look. i caught glimpse of judithâs face, quickly thinking about how similar to mom she looked like-
âthink about who, bud?â rick asks carefully, interrupting my thought. examining my expression. deep down, i know he knows who iâm talking about.
i thought about what to say for a second. but, i know what he was gonna say. âyou have to forget about them son. their gone.â but how could i forget? how could i forget when they are everywhere? i can hear their voice in the wind, and i think about them every time i look at the sky. especially when i look at the sky. it makes me think about the nights we would sneak out to the grass field in front of the prison, or one of the guard towers to look at the stars and constellations. iâd look at their face and see the sparkle in their eyes. god, they were so beautiful.
i havenât seen them in years.
but everyone else moved on.
ânothing.â i spoke softly.
âit doesnât matter.â
YOUR POV-
you were sleeping on a house tonight. the cold nigh air brushed against your cheeks, and you brought the blanket that you had raided from the house up to your chin, in a flimsy attempt to stay warm.
then you heard something.
a soft click of a doorknob opening, just below you.
you quickly got into a ready position with your dagger, c+ y/i (your initial) carved sloppily into the handle. (yes, you know itâs corny)
then, a boy popped out of the window you had crawled out of. he had curly brunette hair, that looked mildly taken care of. he had these beautiful brown eyes, and shot you a crooked smile that suddenly made you hyper-aware of your raggedy shorts and blood stained tank top. you blushed wildly and put your dagger down backing up slightly. he was cute.
âhey. thought iâd find someone up here. mind if i join you?â he asked with a small smile.
you gave him a hesitant look, eyes squinted.
âhey, look, i know you donât know me, but i left all my weapons downstairs. i can come up there, or you can come in. or neither. i donât mind. i was just hoping for some company.â he chuckled, his eyes almost seemed to sparkle. god you donât know if you could ever fall in love again. but it was worth a shot.
you nodded slowly. âiâll come down. i want your weapons first, thoughâ you said, voice trembling, but stern.
âokay, okay. solid answer. now come quick.â he said.
-TIME SKIP-
âso⊠whatâs your name?â you asked lightly.
âiâm Danny. what about you?â
â y/n. my names y/n.â
-time skip of bonding bc i'm lazy-
you two laughed uncontrollably at a joke Danny had made. sharing a plethora of stories with Danny was fun. you liked him.
-last time skip i swear-
You and danny had been dating for a few weeks now. traveling has your feet tired, but it was more bearable with another person with you. especially someone you loved. but, you never forgot about carl. sure, you thought about him less now, but you still loved him. and the sunset and night sky always made you think of him.
-IN THE PAST-
âi always love watching the sunset.â you said quietly.
âwhy is that?â carl looked at you with a tilted head, sheriffs hat falling off slightly.
you let out a breathy laugh.
â itâs just really pretty. and i love getting the last bit of warmth from the sun when it finishes its long day.â you smiled and hung your head down âi sound dumbâ
âyou donât sound dumb. i love it when you talk about stuff you love.â he said, looking at you with almost a longing look.
you looked at him with the same look, big eyes looking into his. you scooted closer and laid your head on his shoulder, eyes fluttering shut.
âi told the stars about you.â you spoke before drifting into a peaceful slumber.
-PRESENT TIME-
you and Danny were walking down a long asphalt road. your feet ached with and unbearable pain, and your stomach growled constantly. you and Danny walked hand in hand, fingers intertwined comfortably. You hadnât been officially dating yet, but with the way you act together and the things you do, you would assume that your in.. some sort of relationship. lost in thoughts, you didnât notice the giant, rusted gates in front of you.
ây/n!â danny snapped in your face.
âhuh?â
âlook! itâs a sanctuary! letâs go check it out!â you flashed each other big grins and started running.
sprinting. and laughing. a little bit of crying.
you knew you shouldnât trust it so easily. but something about this place felt like home.
you waved and yelled until they opened the doors, immediately taking a giggling pair into their humble home.
after interviews and them taking away all your weapons, you two got placed into a home.
you showered, smiling the whole way through. coming out with soft hair and clean skin. you ate your first real meal since god knows when, and brushed your teeth.
you then decided to take a walk. ironic, right? after walking for years, this is the first walk youâve taken that you werenât scared for your life on.
with Danny of course. why would you leave each other?
you two stood in front of a beautiful pond, littered with pink and white blooming flowers, the sunset as a background. purple and pink colors mixed with orange and yellow.
you marveled at the wonderful sight. it felt like heaven.
and god, Danny looked like heaven.
but it didnât feel quite right.
you knew why. it wasnât him.
but that wasnât something to think about right now.
because Danny was looking at you.
not carl.
âi love you y/n.â
âi love you Danny.â the words rolled off of your tongue before you knew it. but you werenât lying. you loved him. you really did.
before you processed what happened, you and Danny had shared a kiss.
it was soft, and passionate. not feral, or lustful. delicate almost.
but, maybe leaving the house with Danny wasnât a good idea.
with a slight turn of your head, you saw the one person you least expected to see.
and for the first time, you werenât happy to see someone you knew.
Carl.
looking at the two of you, with tears in his eyes.
crazy right? this feels like a rom-com.
Danny took the hint though.
âIâm⊠gonna go y/n. come see me later.â Danny said, looking at me, smiling, then looking at Carl, and walking away.
you wish he hadnât left.
how in the world are you supposed to handle this situation.
so you didnât. you sat down on the grassy hill, and gazed at the sun through the reflection of the pond. hoping and praying that either Carl would go away, or the earth would swallow you whole.
neither of those things happened.
You saw the frame of a boy sit next to you.
it was carl, obviously.
you looked at him. he looked older now. he had slimmed out, his jawline and cheekbones more apparent now. he got taller as well. his hair got longer, and a dirty white bandage lay over his face. you saw the light scarring peeking out from underneath. you looked down at your lap.
you donât want to talk about anything.
not even with the love of your life.
because you love Danny.
but you love Carl more.
and he loves you too.
CARLS POV-
i got word today that their alive.
and their right here in Alexandria.
i walked the streets all day, just hoping for a glance.
and oh did i catch a glance.
and my heart broke.
she was kissing someone! isnât that crazy? kissing a guy! and the thing is, i canât even be mad. she had every right to move on, even if i didnt. but part of me felt betrayed. how could they forget about me like that? i thought we were born to be together. star-crossed lovers, as they would say.
but oh, they looked so gorgeous. their hair blowing in the wind, and i could see their eyes sparkling even though they werenât sparkling at me.
they look different now. older, more mature. but still the same old whimsy and old-souled person i used to know.
and suddenly i knew, that they hadnât changed one bit.
not even after all of these years.
the guy they were kissing had left in a hurry, and they looked at me, before turning away and sitting back down.
i sat next to them.
i want to work things out. maybe win back their love.
but something in me told me that wouldnât happen.
YOUR POV-
âiâm sorry.â you spoke, voice quiet and trembling. unsteady to say the least.
âitâs not your fault.â carl spoke, obviously fighting back tears.
you looked at the sunset, the colors fading into black as the minutes ticked past.
and god, you didnât think you could bear sitting with him under the starry sky again.
you didnât want to ruin things with Danny.
but you wanted things with Carl.
âi thought you died.â you said.
âi thought you died too. i never stopped loving you though.â carl rambled out, probably not on purpose, but it still made your heart ache.
âi donât want to ruin things with us. but i canât love you back.â you whispered. carl almost didnât catch it, but you knew he did with the way his eyes watered.
everything inside you broke.
but you couldnât hurt someone else just because of old love.
âi have to love Danny now. i have to love him with my whole heart.â you sniffed, looking at him with big, watery eyes that crushed his soul.
âbut i donât think i could ever stop loving you, carl. and i donât think ill ever look at the sky again and not think of you.â you made a noise, a mix between a scoff and a sob.
âi donât think ill ever get you out of my system.â
âiâll love you my whole life, you know that right.â carl said with a soft sigh.
âi know. ill always love you too.â you laughed softly, as did he.
and he said one last thing before you two had your long awaited reunion with the starry night sky.