19 Things To Stop Doing In Your 20s
1. Stop placing all the blame on other people for how they interact with you. To an extent, people treat you the way you want to be treated. A lot of social behavior is cause and effect. Take responsibility for (accept) the fact that you are the only constant variable in your equation.
2. Stop being lazy by being constantly âbusy.â Itâs easy to be busy. It justifies never having enough time to clean, cook for yourself, go out with friends, meet new people. Realize that every time you give in to your âbusyness,â itâs you whoâs making the decision, not the demands of your job.
3. Stop seeking out distractions. You will always be able to find them.
4. Stop trying to get away with work thatâs âgood enough.â People notice when âgood enoughâ is how you approach your job. Usually these people will be the same who have the power to promote you, offer you a health insurance plan, and give you more money. They will take your approach into consideration when thinking about you for a raise.
5. Stop allowing yourself to be so comfortable all the time. Coming up with a list of reasons to procrastinate risky, innovative decisions offers more short-term gratification than not procrastinating. But when you stop procrastinating to make a drastic change, your list of reasons to procrastinate becomes a list of ideas about how to better navigate the risk youâre taking.
6. Stop identifying yourself as a cliche and start treating yourself as an individual. Constantly checking your life against a prewritten narrative or story of how things âshouldâ be is a bought-into way of life. Itâs sort of like renting your identity. It isnât you. You are more nuanced than the narrative you try to fit yourself into, more complex than the story that âshouldâ be happening.
7. Stop expecting people to be better than they were in high school â learn how to deal with it instead. Just because youâre out of high school doesnât mean youâre out of high school. There will always be people in your life who want what you have, are threatened by who you are, and will ridicule you for doing something that threatens how they see their position in the world.
8. Stop being stingy. If you really care about something, spend your money on it. There is often a notion that you are saving for something. Either clarify what that thing is or start spending your money on things that are important to you. Spend money on road trips. Spend money on healthy food. Spend money on opportunities. Spend money on things youâll keep.
9. Stop treating errands as burdens. Instead, use them as time to focus on doing one thing, and doing it right. Errands and chores are essentially rote tasks that allow you time to think. They function to get you away from your phone, the internet, and other distractions. Focus and attention span are difficult things to maintain when youâre focused and attentive on X amount of things at any given moment.
10. Stop blaming yourself for being human. Youâre fine. Having a little anxiety is fine. Being scared is fine. Your secrets are fine. Youâre well-meaning. Youâre intelligent. Youâre blowing it out of proportion. Youâre fine.
11. Stop ignoring the fact that other people have unique perspectives and positions. Start approaching people more thoughtfully. People will appreciate you for deliberately trying to conceive their own perspective and position in the world. It not only creates a basis for empathy and respect, it also primes people to be more open and generous with you.
12. Stop seeking approval so hard. Approach people with the belief that youâre a good person. Itâs normal to want the people around you to like you. But it becomes a self-imposed burden when almost all your behavior toward certain people is designed to constantly reassure you of their approval.
13. Stop considering the same things youâve always done as the only options there are. Itâs unlikely that one of the things youâll regret when youâre older is not having consumed enough beer in your 20s, or not having bought enough $5 lattes, or not having gone out to brunch enough times, or not having spent enough time on the internet. Fear of missing out is a real, toxic thing. Youâve figured out drinking and going out. Youâve experimented enough. Youâve gotten your fill of internet memes. Figure something else out.
14. Stop rejecting the potential to feel pain. Suffering is a universal constant for sentient beings. It is not unnatural to suffer. Being in a constant state of suffering is bad. But it is often hard to appreciate happiness when thereâs nothing to compare it to. Rejecting the potential to suffer is unsustainable and unrealistic.
15. Stop approaching adverse situations with anger and frustration. You will always deal with people who want things that seem counter to your interests. There will always be people who threaten to prevent you from getting what you want by trying to get what they want. This is naturally frustrating. Realize that the person youâre dealing with is in the same position as you â by seeking out your own interests, you threaten to thwart theirs. It isnât personal â youâre both just focused on getting different things that happen to seem mutually exclusive. Approach situations like these with reason. Be calm. Donât start off mad, itâll only make things more tense.
16. Stop meeting anger with anger. People will make you mad. Your reaction to this might be to try and make them mad. This is something of a first-order reaction. That is, it isnât very thoughtful â it may be the first thing youâre inclined to do. Try to suppress this reaction. Be thoughtful. Imagine your response said aloud before you say it. If you donât have to respond immediately, donât.
17. Stop agreeing to do things that you know youâll never actually do. It doesnât help anyone. To a certain extent, itâs a social norm to be granted a âfree passâ when you donât do something for someone that you said you were going to do. People notice when you donât follow through, though, especially if itâs above 50% of the time.
18. Stop âbuyingâ things you know youâll throw away. Invest in friendships that arenât parasitic. Spend your time on things that arenât distractions. Put your stock in fleeting opportunity. Focus on the important.
19. Stop being afraid.
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