Lucas Keller

How do I keep getting in relationships like this maybe it says something about me Should I Look in the mirror

[ranierdays-blog]

[sms] hey idk where this rumor that im dead came from [sms] but it’s not true

[lucasfckingkeller-blog]

[sms] how do u know?

[sms]you could be a ghost

[sms]it is almost Halloween... BOO!

[lucasfckingkeller-blog]

After Party

Luke chewed on his lip slightly looking around looking for anyone he knew from the party when he was called in for questioning. 

“Are you a member of Alpha Sigma Phi?”

Lucas spoke still obviously drunk to everyone other than himself “Yeah my dude, ASP! Wait unless that will get me in more trouble then I don’t even know what that is. Is that even English?”

“How did you hear about this party?”

“My loud chanting of ASP probably already made me saying that I’m not in Alpha Sigma Phi difficult didn’t it?” He looked around, and ran a hand through his hair “Well, I found out about the party cause it’s my frat.”

“Do you know who owns the house?”

“I don’t really know to be honest I mean I probably should, but like I don’t even know a little bit if we’re being completely honest here which I most definitely am officer.”

“Have you been drinking?”

Luke looked at the man, and tried to put on his best sober face, but still slurring his words “Officer. I am twenty years old. How would I get my hands on alcohol, and even if I could why would I want to participate in such de-debauchery I think that’s the word.” He paused for a moment before speaking again remembering he had already blew into the breathalyzer, but deciding to go with it

“How much alcohol did you consume?”

“Absolutely none.” He thought back, and tried figuring out how much he had drank, not remembering how much or even what he had had.

“Was there anything suspicious going on that you saw?”

“No, not really I didn’t really see anything out of the usual until you guys came I don’t know I don’t really pay attention to other people at parties. I mean someone could probably get murdered and I would notice.”

[bergaramadejs]

insp.

[ohmyklaus]

Best of Kai - 107 / ∞

[prxttylittle]

“Your father didn’t love you , so you assume no one else would either.”

— Caroline Forbes (via ashesofcaptivity)

[paulyappleseed-deactivated20161]

[tagyourocs-blog]

which OC is this

[boopdoopsmemes]

John Mulaney Sentence starters

Part 1: New In Town

30 to choose from, come may contain foul language. 

“I was hoping that by now I’d look older, but it didn’t happen.”

“Whoa, that tall child looks terrible.” 

“I always thought that quick sand was going to be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be.”

“I think I’m becoming more like my mom.”

“People always sush animals.” 

“Thirteen-year-olds are the meanest people in the world.”

“No! That’s I;m sensitive about!” 

“I once was on the telephone with Blockbuster Video…” 

“When people get mad at me it’s my fault.” 

“It’s wrong to make fun of people, but it’s so fun sometimes.” 

“I don’t like robots thinking of things.” 

“It’s easier to do nothing than it is to do something.” 

“That guy’s a bozo.” 

“I’m trying to in general take better care of myself.” 

“You ordered your food an hour ago, it should be here by now.” 

“NNOOoo!” 

“Life is a fucking nightmare.” 

“Whats that? Over there! Don’t do that!”

“I’m really sorry about last night, it’s just that I’m mean and loud.” 

“Here’s a story I once heard about me [Insert story here]” 

“Alright, let’s go over there and destroy the place.”

“We were like dogs without horses, we were running wild.” 

“FUCK DA POLICE!” 

“I’ve never climbed a fence that high before.”

“No” (You know like a liar) 

“Did I do that?” 

“Why? Why do you do this?” 

“I am often wrong.” 

“Could you help me out? I am very gay, I would like a few dollars.” 

“No, it’s okay I was lying.” 

[lucasfckingkeller-blog]

oh-my-aubrey‌:

“Oh no, the fairly pretty quite four to six scale is totally locked down, no one’s gonna mess with that.” Aubrey bit her lip, suddenly feeling a little guilty at his explanation. She didn’t mean to make him confess any secret and she didn’t want to make him feel bad either- she couldn’t exactly judge anyone for their poor taste in movies. “My dad just made me sit through a soccer game with him.” Aubrey tells him softly, smiling. “Vodkorade, huh? As compelling as a half and half mix like that sounds, I can think of a few other things I’d rather be doing.” She narrows her eyes at him playfully, letting the innuendo hang in the air for a moment before continuing, “like drunkenly ironing my socks, for example.”

“I’ve never watched soccer in my life.” He chuckled a little  “Yep Vodkorade patent pending mother fucker.” He chuckled a little, and then took another large drink he looked at the girl with a smirk on his face. “Oh, I would love to help you iron your socks.” He moved slightly closer, and looked her up and down with a slightly teasing smirk on his face  “but like really, do you wanna go to my room or something?” He took another drink of his drink, and glanced over towards his room

[lucasfckingkeller-blog]

Luke picked up the phone, and called the first number he saw still feeling the effects of the alcohol. He waited until someone answered the phone, and then began speaking “Ayyeee, it’s Luke. It was bound to happen eventually my dude, but I finally got an underage. I don’t really know who to call. I’m broke, and did I mention don’t really know who to call.” He paused for a moment before continuing “So, like can you bail ya boi out?”

[ceeyoutea]

[lucasfckingkeller-blog]

@oh-my-aubrey

[taylibswift]

[lucasfckingkeller-blog]

oh-my-aubrey‌:

“For me it was one too many glasses of wine at Christmas dinner.” Aubrey recalls with a soft little laugh, “let other people figure out the scale for themselves, we certainly laid the groundwork.” She looks up at him, still a little bewildered but amused, “tell me why you love it so much, is it just Anne Hathaway? Or do you honestly just have a real love for movies about bumbling royalty.” She takes a big gulp of her drink and levels him with a doubtful stare at his denial, but quickly cracks a smile. “Hmmmmmm, I’m gonna go for like…. A five or six? I’m still using works like belligerent and bumbling and vocabulary, so like, I can’t be utterly wasted yet.”

“We need to make sure that they keep what we’ve laid down so far we can’t have other drunk fuckers come in and screws with the scale.” He ran a hand through his hair ruffling it slightly fidgeting slightly feeling slightly uncomfortable. “Well, I don’t know it’s just an um you know a good movie, and like Anne Hathaway is pretty hot.” He paused for a moment before mumbling the last bit “and I watched it with my mom right before she left.” He chewed gently on his lip, and tried to think of a way to change the subject he looked over at the girl “So, wanna try a drink of my vodkorade, or maybe we can you know, do something else?”

[lucasfckingkeller-blog]

oh-my-aubrey‌:

“I’ve never drank more than a shot of the stuff and that was more than enough for me, never again.” Aubrey shudders dramatically, and then opens her mouth to talk about what he says next- about how alcohol ‘fucks her up the way it does’ but then Lucas barrels on and clarifies he’s not actually interested in an answer, so she shuts her mouth. (It’s actually helpful. Aubrey will always answer a question unless it’s clearly rhetorical or someone tells her not too.) “Do we have to bother working out the rest of it? I mean ten is probably like ‘super drunk’ or whatever, that seems like enough to go on.” She giggles, “sorry, the revelation that you’re a repeat watcher of Princess Diaries two is like… Totally not a revelation I was expecting, but I’m here for it.” Aubrey’s free arm shoots out to steady him and she raises an eyebrow skeptically, “hmmmm, let me guess. You’re not drunk at all, you’ve only had like two drinks. Pfft, you better tell me right now if you’ve already hit a ten on the scale.”

“The first time I got drunk it was on the stuff. It’ll always hold a special place in my heard.” He chuckled a little, and then said “Nah I don’t think we do, but I think ten is just fucked up.” He shrugged, and thren said “Hey, you learn something new every day. It’s a bomb ass movie.” He looked over at her thankfully when she steadied him “Acutally I haven’t drank any Aubrey, I am a holey christian man who doesn’t not partake in getting fucked up.” He paused for a moment taking another drink, and then spoke again “I’m just fuckin’ with you I think I am probably like an seven on the scale now. So, like what are you on the scale?” He looked at the girl, and then took another large drink, and then put his arm on her shoulder trying to steady himself.

[lucasfckingkeller-blog]

@oh-my-aubrey

[lucasfckingkeller-blog]

oh-my-aubrey‌:

“Y’know I don’t think I’ve met anyone who’s proud of the shit they do when they drink fireball.” Aubrey snickers, taking another swig from her bottle, “it’s because there are no big words I can use during sex, so some part of my brain decides to try and balance the limited vocabulary with more volume. So the scale from four to six goes fairly, pretty, quite. Y’know I think that works.” She nods. “Oh god those people, belligerently stumbling around insisting they’ve had like ‘two drinks’ yeah, can’t stand them. It’s a party, if you’re hammered just admit it.” Her eyes go wide and she laughs, “why only the second one? Surely it’s a more fulfilling experience if you enjoy the full saga.”

“Yeah, that shit will definitely fuck you up.” He chuckled slightly before looking around again. “I guess that makes sense. I really don’t understand how alcohol fucks you up the way that it does. I don’t want to know just by the way before you start explaining my dude.” He took a large gulp of his drink. “Yeah, I think that it’s a pretty good scale.” He nodded “Yeah, if you’re fucked up just say it. I mean what are we gonna do tell their mom, call the cops. I really don’t get it.” He shrugged before speaking again “I mean I’ve seen the first one I just like the second one better, and I already know what happens in the first one so I can just keep watching the second one.” He took another drink, and then stumbled slightly before laughing “Aubrey, I swear I’m not drunk. I’ve barely drank anything.”

[wezy]

[lucasfckingkeller-blog]

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