“It’s not going to cook any faster if you stare at it.”
“Get that out of my kitchen!”
“You can’t cook with that after it’s been in your mouth!”
“What was this supposed to be?”
“That doesn’t smell right.”
“That’s it. You are banned from the kitchen for life.”
“A star chef you are not.”
“Boiling water is basic! How did you manage to mess that up?”
“Let’s just order take-out.”
“Let’s just hire a caterer.”
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
“Do I even want to know what this is?”
“My dog wouldn’t eat this!”
“How did you get sauce on the ceiling?”
“How long has this been sitting out?”
“That’s expired! Throw it away.”
“No. I can’t let you serve that.”
“Please tell me you’re not seriously thinking of eating that.”
“I’m allergic to _____, you idiot!”
“Slow down before you slice off a finger!”
“No, go sit over there. You’ve done enough damage.”
“How did you manage to set that on fire?”
“There’s smoke coming out of the oven.”
“Why don’t you leave this to someone who knows what they’re doing?”
“That’s it, I’m ordering pizza.”
“And you wonder why I never let you cook.”
“Fire department is on the way.”
“Don’t eat that if you’re just trying not to hurt my feelings.”
“I’m beginning to think you have no taste buds.”
“Did you just dump the entire container of salt into this?”
“Ever heard of seasoning?”
“There is more than one way to cook this, you know.”