Now, whenever she thinks of it, she if confused about what she did and didn't cause. She if confused about desire, and her own desirability. She is confused about her own sexuality. It should be hers to wield as she wishes, she knows this, but why - even if she isn't wielding it, exactly, even if she's just being herself - is there the sense of a shameful invitation, or even an invitation at all? She knows she should be able to invite if she want to invite, to say no if she wants to say no, yes if she wants to say yes, to allure or not allure, to just simply feel good about what her body is and does and how it looks. She is supposed to be sure and confident about those things, but how can she possibly be sure and confident about those things? There are so many colliding messages - confidence and shame, power and powerlessness, what she owes others and what is her - that she can't hear what's true.